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Guest post: "Being a working mother is tough – but the benefits have been enormous"

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MumsnetGuestPosts · 24/07/2015 11:40

Being a working mother is not easy. The media portrays us as sleep deprived, stressed out, and guilt ridden. Often, the dynamics are a struggle – should we lean in or lean out, work full-time, or part-time? Most pervading of all is that constant niggling worry: "are my children going to be okay?"

My resounding answer would be "yes". If you're able to work, and you want to, your decision should be celebrated. Of course, it won't always be easy, but here are some of the many benefits I've experienced, for both me and my children:

Working improves your patience and the quality of time with your kids
Motherhood is overwhelming and stressful. It will leave you frazzled and exhausted. Heading out the door to work gives you the freedom to feel like an independent, capable woman in your own right. When you return home to the kids, you tend to be more refreshed, energetic and present. All the research indicates that the amount of time a mother spends with her child is less important than the quality she gives during that time. The key is to make the seconds count.

Working gives you purpose and independence
We all have our own passions and talents that extend beyond motherhood. If your career is what excites you, don't ignore it. Otherwise resentment and dissatisfaction will creep in, which isn't good for anybody. Working gives many mothers a sense of self-sufficiency and independence that they can't achieve at home.

You have more financial control
Having to rely on someone else for money is hard, especially when you've been financially independent for many years. As well as the personal satisfaction that contributing to the pot brings, having your own income also gives you more financial freedom.

You never get lonely
Even when you've got a constant companion or three, motherhood can be unbelievably lonely and isolated. At the end of a long, tiring day, being proactive about staying connected to friends is not a priority, and all you want to do is veg on the couch and put the phone on silent so you don't feel guilty when your best friend calls and you don't have the energy to answer. Working guarantees that you'll maintain social contact with other adults, and get something more out of them than 'so because' (which is how my three-year-old responds to every question I ask at the moment).

Equality in the workplace = equality at home
In a dual-income family, both need to contribute to the running of the home. Your other half will have to become comfortable in the nuances of child rearing, and this is a great thing for your kids to witness. Our sons will grow up thinking this is the norm and take it forward into their adult relationships. And our daughters will learn to expect this from their future partners.

You're a role model for your kids
Working mothers are doing a very important job (in conjunction to their actual job) - they are teaching their children the value of hard work, decision-making and compromise.

I am proud of my work, and I am proud of myself and the children my husband and I are raising. I don't feel guilty about my girls going to crèche – they are well-adjusted and happy, and they have learnt so much and have a wonderful circle of friends. I struggle, like many other working mothers, to transition effortlessly between motherhood and work; some days I feel on top of everything, and other days I fall short. I'm not always going to be super mother or an exemplary employee, but my kids will love me just the same, and the work will get done.

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BeautifulBatman · 24/07/2015 12:09

I could rip that entire article apart. But I'd rather pull my own toenails out with rusty pliers whilst spending time with the other financially dependant, impatient, lonely, non contributing SAHMs that I know that are setting a shit example to the kids by not working, staying at home and having the incredible misfortune of actually having that choice. FFS.