Violence and abuse from children towards their parents is not a new phenomenon. Practitioners working with families in a range of capacities are all too familiar with reports of parents experiencing violent assaults, verbal abuse and damage to property at the hands of their adolescents. Due to a large degree of social stigma surrounding this problem and a lack of official recognition of adolescent to parent violence (APV) however, it has remained a silent form of family abuse. The lack of awareness and understanding surrounding APV has been reflected in a lack of policy, training or guidance for practitioners on how to respond to and adequately support families with often complex needs.
In recent years a body of research has begun to emerge affirming the prevalence of adolescent to parent violence and the serious impact it has on families.
In our three year research study Dr Rachel Condry and I examined police data on this form of domestic violence and conducted interviews with police, youth justice workers, practitioners and families. Our research revealed that over a one year period (2009-2010) across London, there were 1,892 cases of adolescent to parent violence reported to the Metropolitan police, mostly from sons towards their mothers: 87% suspects were male and 77% victims were female. Sadly, this is likely to represent the tip of the iceberg, as parents are extremely reluctant to report violence from their children to the police for fear of the consequences.
Disclosing violence from a child is one of the most difficult steps for a parent - they describe feeling a great sense of shame and guilt, and they also fear the consequences of reporting. Parents worry that they will be blamed for the violence, or that their victimisation will not be taken seriously. Conversely, they also fear that their child will be criminalised or taken away from them. When they do report violence to the police or another agency, they face many unknowns: the lack of recognition of adolescent to parent violence means there is no policy on how to respond and, often, a lack of understanding.
For many parents in our study, aggressive or challenging behaviour from their children evolved from a young age, and increased in intensity during adolescence. In some cases, children experienced difficulties at school and one of the biggest challenges described by parents is simply getting their violent son or daughter to school against their will, often with the threat of prosecution hanging over the parent.
Other potential triggers for violence include parents trying to lay boundaries, intervening in arguments between siblings, or simply saying ‘no’ to their child. Many parents referred to ‘walking on egg-shells’ in order to avoid conflict - and some parents had gone as far as locking themselves in their bedrooms or leaving the house to stop an argument escalating into violence.
The levels of violence experienced by parents in our study varied enormously, but tended to involve a pattern of aggression and violence over a period of time which led to parents being afraid of their child and, often, feeling controlled. In addition to verbal threats and abuse, parents described being kicked, punched, pushed or strangled, and they also reported extensive criminal damage to the home. For many parents, damaged furniture and multiple holes in doors and walls are highly problematic - they have financial implications, and often leave parents feeling even more isolated, unable to invite friends and family into their home.
We found no single or straightforward explanation for adolescent to parent violence: there appear to be many complex pathways, including learning difficulties, mental health problems, alcohol or drug use; and childhood experiences of domestic violence, sexual abuse, or parental substance abuse. But for some families, there are no apparent explanations for the violence: many parents found it difficult to understand why one child was violent when other children they had raised were not. In lots of cases we examined, families were also experiencing other personal, financial and social difficulties and many of the parents were single mothers. But it’s important to stress that this did not characterise all of the families and that this issue can affect all levels of society and all types of family. Indeed, it may be that parents with multiple needs and limited support are more likely to report adolescent to parent violence and to try to access help.
While in some cases the violence warrants criminal justice intervention and some families do support a prosecution, this is not always the most appropriate response. The vast majority of parents experiencing violence from their children require a supportive environment within which they can address the violent behaviour, whilst retaining a parent-child relationship.
There are a growing number of support services available for families - though it’s true that they face huge challenges in terms of funding and resources. Many services have developed incrementally as a response to sheer demand and involve enormous amounts of effort from dedicated practitioners. If you are experiencing this kind of violence or know someone who is, you may find the useful links page on our research project website a helpful source of information or support.
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Domestic violence from your teenager: children can abuse parents too
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