Eating disorders amongst boys and men is on the rise: a recent study found that the number of males being diagnosed with conditions such as bulimia and anorexia rose 24% between 2000 and 2009.
In today's guest post, Mumsnet blogger Bev Mattocks recounts her son's battle with anorexia - from the first confusing signs of 'over-exercising', to his eventual recovery.
Let us know what you think: is the rise in eating disorders amongst boys and young men something that you're aware of - and would you be able to spot the worrying signs in your own children? If you blog about this issue, don't forget to post your URL.
"Back in the summer of 2009 when my rugby-mad 15 year old son, Ben, began to show classic signs of anorexia nervosa, I didn't know that boys got eating disorders. I knew something was wrong - and that it appeared to be getting worse - but I had no idea what 'it' was. As the parent of a teenage boy you don't expect your child to get anorexia. You don't even think about it.
Like many people, I'd assumed that anorexia was a 'diet gone too far', and therefore a condition that only affected teenage girls. There was a skeletal girl at our gym who used to punish herself on the treadmill. How could she let herself get like that, I wondered. How could her parents let her get like that? It's got to be the parents' fault.
I know now that her parents were probably very nice, very ordinary people who were worried senseless about their much-loved daughter. They weren't 'letting her get like that' - and nor was she. Anorexia isn't a lifestyle choice like a diet or an exercise regime; it's a biological mental illness that can affect anyone of any sex from any social background and any country. And parents are NOT to blame.
People don't choose to 'get' anorexia; it just creeps up on them, usually when they lose too much weight for whatever reason - stress, illness, slimming, whatever. The cause isn't clear but up to 86% of eating disorders are thought to have genetic roots. And around 1 in 10 people affected by eating disorders in the UK are male.
Over that summer of 2009 my son, Ben, began to behave strangely. He developed an obsession with 'healthy eating' and low calorie/low fat cooking, cut himself off from his friends and exercised round the clock. At the same time he was gradually losing weight and his mood was heading south. But the penny didn't drop because we didn't know that boys got eating disorders - or even what a developing eating disorder looked like. Nor did we know that a whole package of horrors comes with anorexia.
Anorexia isn't just about cutting back on food and losing weight, it's about crushing depression, vicious mood swings, violent self-harming, suicide threats, social isolation and complete and utter consumption by this terrible all-embracing mental illness as your child transforms into someone you don't recognise - mentally and physically. Ben even developed a different voice: a slow, low, deep monotone that used to chill me to the core. And you haven't known fear until you've had to pull your beloved son in through the attic window as he attempted to climb onto the house roof.
But back at the start we didn't know that you don't have to be a skeleton to have full-blown anorexia. Nor did our GP, because it took weeks to get Ben diagnosed. We were then faced with a three month wait for treatment. Meanwhile Ben's illness reached ever more terrifying depths.
Two long and arduous years later Ben emerged from treatment - an appalling non-stop rollercoaster of nightmarish events that transformed us from a normal, happy family into a family living on a knife-edge. It took a further year, some additional private therapy and a failed attempt at university before the 'old Ben' gradually began to emerge again. Today, nearly four years after that summer of 2009, I'd say he is 99 per cent recovered.
But one thing that's proving difficult to shake off is the fear, anxiety and panic that comes with social situations. Anorexia is notorious for isolating its victims and while his friends got on with their lives, the once popular Ben disappeared into a vacuum. As a result he's missed out on four years of life skills, almost a fifth of his young life. His friends have deserted him and he spends every evening alone, which isn't what it should be like when you're 19.
Ben's recovery from anorexia has been a long haul that's left our family emotionally scarred - each one of us. I still have flashbacks that keep me awake at night. I still find myself shouting in my sleep. I still worry that Ben's anorexia will return. But most of all I want Ben to get his social life back - to pick up where he left off four years ago and have a happy and fulfilling life.
I want that more than anything else."
Bev Mattocks is the author of Please Eat... A mother's struggle to free her teenage son from anorexia which describes her son's anorexia and its impact on her family. Her second book When anorexia came to visit: Families talk about how an eating disorder invaded their lives has just been published, with a Foreword by Professor Janet Treasure OBE.
Follow Bev's blog: AnorexiaBoyRecovery.
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Guest blog: My son's battle with anorexia
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KateMumsnet · 30/07/2013 12:52
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