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I feel like I am torn in two!

(9 Posts)
jojo38 Sat 18-Jun-05 23:58:07

Hi all. Not been on this board before, so bear with me.

I decided that I would do a bit of "temping" - Part time, while the kids were at school. It isn't what I truly wanted, but it helps with the bills etc.
The agency came up with a really local job for me but it was full time. It was with a local government, the sort of environment I had been used to in my pre-mummy years. I was lucky enough to get through the interview and felt really good about myself. (I hadn't had an interview for 16yrs - or a decent job come to that!) That was 6 months ago. It has been fan-flippin-tastic. I love the work, the people and it being so local. We worked it all out at home, no probs. Except... the job has moved half an hour away in the next big town. I am still a temp, yet they want me to work full time at the new place. I have said that I can't at the moment, kids, mother etc.. so I am doing 3 days a week. The position will be advertised soon for a full time permanent. I want the job.

Things is this... I have a semi disabled mother who lives near me. 2 boys, 11 and 14. The youngest is due to start at secondary school in Sept. The oldest goes to this school and it is a stone's throw away. Anyway, my mother has enthused me (god knows how or why) into cutting my hours as a temp and taking on domestic cleaning. This is fine but it doesn't bring in the amount of money we need right now. It is starting to build up but I am not sure it is what I want. I have 4 old ladies I clean for already - do I let them down, as well as my mother?
My husband says we can work something out but he doesn't really get on that well with my mum. She is conviced she is on "death's door" every day, and tells me my boys need me, especially the eldest right now.(My boys are from a previous marriage). DH is lucky enough to work from home too,so that would be an advantage, but is it right to put all that responsibility on him? I have to admit that I have my reservations. He spends 2hrs at lunchtime at his local, then goes off to pick my youngest up from school! He then goes back to the office (outside the house-converted attached garage) to continue work. He does cook their tea etc. and gets on pretty well with them both.

I have virtually been given the job on a plate. All there is to do is the procedure of interview. I may not get it, but I do need it. The job is flexi so I could go in early and leave early. I would be home for the boys after school etc. Summer hols may be a problem but who doesn't have those sort - only the lucky ones who get to work at a school, term time. (Oooh I am so envious).

As you can see. Dilemma time. I am virtually convinced that I will go for the interview... I have even told my mother. She isn't too happy but hey, I didnt' expect her to be. I won't be there for her. I feel so torn. I know what an opportunity I would be missing, but dont' want to let anyone down.

HELP????!!!! am I being selfish, and if so, to which degree???

Skribble Sun 19-Jun-05 00:05:15

No way are you selfish, It sounds like a great family set up. The boys are old enough to be home on their own but DH is there anyway. Is mother perhaps missing the company through the day? You can't keep every one happy. You are getting the chance to do a job you enjoy, so you will be a happier person overall. If you don't do this job and try to please everyone else it won't work if you are not happy.

Good luck with whatever you decide but don't ever think you are selfish, plenty people go back to work with babies and don't agonise as much .

hercules Sun 19-Jun-05 07:58:39

I think it is a little unfair of your mum to expect you to give up what you want to suit her more. I dont think you are being selfish and even if you are, so what? I would feel guilty but still go for the job you want.

debs26 Sun 19-Jun-05 08:05:23

go for it!. you are not being selfish, you are providing a better life for you and your children - they are your priority, not your mum and she should understand that. if you are worried about what they think then talk to them, but i reckon they will be only to pleased to have the house to themselves for a bit and have the extra responsibility of looking after themselves for a few hours, and dh is close if there is a problem. good luck with the interview x

mrsjingles Sun 19-Jun-05 08:13:32

Definately go for it, it's rare to have a job that you're obviously so enthusiastic about, and you'd kick yourself I'm sure, if you didnt try and then saw someone else get the job you wanted.
Put yourself first for once, and don't let 'yourself' down. Good luck with the interview

ssd Sun 19-Jun-05 08:21:39

Could you maybe get some help for your mum through your local council? Might be worth phoning them up to see what they can offer. If not could you afford to pay a home help to go to your mums an hour a day or so to give her a bit of company and help a bit? If your mum had some help in the house maybe she wouldn't be making you feel so guilty and ease the pressure off you a bit.....

And you could go for the job! Please don't turn it down, it sounds great for you and your family, if your mum had some help during the day would it make your decision easier?

Good luck with your decision, I know it's a hard one.

Copper Sun 19-Jun-05 08:30:14

Go for it - happy mum makes happy family. Boys will adapt, dh seems happy. Your mum seems the only real problem and I can't see that working 3 days plus cleaning makes you any more available than you would be in the job. ALSO you have a real chance of turning it into a proper public service job with real holiday entitlement, real pension, and real compassionate leave if you ever do need it for your mum.

Isn't it just an extra hour a day on what it was before?

Sometimes you owe yourself things as a person - it's not selfish - it's using the same amount of care to you that you would to others. The potential long term benefits for you and your family are to great to give up. Mum's don't always know best (except on mumsnet )and your mum is thinking of her not you. I'm sure you can come up with some way of trying to meet at least some of her needs without total (and unnecessary) self sacrifice.

Best of luck with the job!

anniebear Sun 19-Jun-05 19:31:50

I think you should go for it.

Your boys are old enough now.

Could you save some holidays up and have some time off over the 6 weeks summer holidays to spend a bit of time with your sons,

Copper Sat 02-Jul-05 05:15:03

what did you decide?

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