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Should I resign?

(19 Posts)
lesleyella Wed 07-Oct-09 19:34:45

I returned to work when my dd was 10 months old. 1 year on I am really not enjoying my job. I work full-time in local government, am struggling to juggle a very demanding job with motherhood and miss my daughter like mad when I am work. I am not planning to have any more children and I feel like I am missing so much of this amazing time. And I feel like I simply cant put in enough effort with the job in order to make it a success.

My husband reckons we can manage (just) on his salary and I may be able to do a bit of freelance work. I feel so torn - I would so love to spend more time with dd, she is growing up so fast, but am scared at the idea of walking away from a job in these troubled times AND know how hard full-time motherhood can be.

I dont know what to do ... any wise words gratefully appreciated.

RipMacWinkle Wed 07-Oct-09 19:41:48

Of course you can only do what you feel is right so if you want to spend time with your DD and can afford it, then go for it.

Alternatively, would going part time be an option?

This would let you do both and see how you find spending extra time with DD - you may find that suits you or may want to give up completely then - so be it.

Sorry for my waffle - I think this kind of decision is one every working mum faces.

lesleyella Wed 07-Oct-09 19:47:08

I am going to ask again about the part-time thing but I took the job on the basis that it was full-time and my boss has always been pretty clear on that point.

But I will ask again and make a decision based on that response.

llareggub Wed 07-Oct-09 19:51:41

Could you put in a flexible working request? Ask for a career break?

FWIW, I have just resigned from local govt for various reasons, but mostly because I want more flexibility with my children.

Good luck.

NanaNina Thu 08-Oct-09 00:48:01

lesleyella - my advice would be to give up your job and spend the time with your daughter. As you say she is growing up fast and they only have one childhood and you are missing so much of it. I know this isn't a popular thing to say in this day and age but I honestly think under 5s (and especially under 3s) benefit from having one to one care from someone who loves them. I know for many parents it is not possible for them to stay at home with kids but if you can afford it I would go for it. I don't think you will regret it - you can get another job when your daughter is older but you can't get your daughter's early years back again.

I hated having to work when my sons were little and like you missed them terribly even though I was lucky enough to have a sister to care for them but giving up work wasn't an option for me.

Good luck and enjoy that little girl

Tortington Thu 08-Oct-09 00:50:07

go part time - local govt should he great with work life balance stuff.

grass might not be greener - then you will be in shit street

hatwoman Thu 08-Oct-09 00:53:37

no decision you make now needs to be permanent. if you hate work and miss your daughter and can manage financially resign or ask for a sabbatical. in 18 months she could potentially be going to nursery. and in 30 months she could be at school - everything will change again. you might want to return to work, do voluntary work, retrain, lots of things. kids move through our lives so blummin quickly that no decision we make is forever. so seize the day. {and that's from someone who is usually incredibly reticent to express on actual opinion}

llareggub Thu 08-Oct-09 11:21:31

custardo, not all local govt is great at the work/life balance stuff, sadly.

lesleyella Thu 08-Oct-09 19:06:33

Thank you everyone for your comments. SO far my work/life experience has not been great but I am going to ask the question once again and if not then I agree with you, NanaNina, I should focus on my little girl in the short-term.

I feels kind of irresponsible to give up a job these days but guess that says something about the way we value work over caring in our society, huh?

catinthehat2 Thu 08-Oct-09 19:18:30

erm right. Because people who go out to work don't care...

lesleyella Thu 08-Oct-09 20:53:14

Ouch, that was not what I meant at all. I was simply differentiating between paid employment and unpaid roles caring for dependents.

mazzystartled Thu 08-Oct-09 20:57:44

Your boss may be clear about what they want -but do you think that they can realistically put a business case for not considering a flexible working request? Can you have a chat with HR first? OR can you hold on to look around for a similar part-time role/scope out the freelance thing a bit more?

PoisonToadstool Thu 08-Oct-09 21:02:54

Leseleyella, I was in your shoes a few months ago - went back to work last Sept when DS was 11 months old, and hated it ever since. Local government too. They did away with my old job and shoved me in a department I hated, I was contracted for 3.5 days but the reality was doing about 2-3 hours on my days off, also checking emails first thing in the morning/late at night... - so between that, studying, and looking after DS I felt I was doing a bit of a crap job at everything. IT would have been very different if I'd enjoyed my job as the break was nice, the money, space, adult company - but not enough it seems.

Anyway I have been at home for a month now and I am so much happier and I think DS is. I mean, he was fine at nursery but his keyworkers have frequently mentioned his sensitive and quiet nature and I feel he is more settled with me, and I've found a good toddler group so he still has a group setting, I'll look at pre-schools next Autumn - which just makes me realise how quickly this will all go. I am not stressed anymore.

I don't advocate one way or the other really but it's made me realise that it's okay not to work (I felt strongly about it when I went back)

catinthehat2 Thu 08-Oct-09 22:37:11

(Lesleyella, I thought that was what you meant, was just testing to be sure)

Haunty27 Fri 09-Oct-09 00:17:04

Les, there's legislation now about work/life balance. Check your employers' policies too. Job share for example?

If I were you I would take the opportunity to spend time with my dc's if I were able to survive on dhs salary, you can always go back to work when you need or want to.

You can't turn the clock back, dcs grow up soooooo fast.

lesleyella Fri 09-Oct-09 21:01:02

Thanks everyone for your advice, I have to say I am starting to feel much calmer about making this step. I left work early today and went to the park with my dd ... despite the rain it was perfect...

newMNer Sun 11-Oct-09 00:17:44

Lesleyella, I'm joining in late, but I just want to agree with the posters! Another vote for spending the time with your little girl, if that's what's in your heart, what's best for your DD and you have the support from your partner.

elkiedee Sun 11-Oct-09 01:18:36

Good luck with whatever you decide LE.

It sounds like you want to leave whatever, but another suggestion I will make anyway is that you start reading your employer's jobs bulletin and see if there are any positions being advertised at your level or similar on a part time basis with the same employer. I realise there might not be, as lots of councils are restructuring, but the advantage if there was something is that you should carry forward some of the benefits accrued from current employment.

Haunty27 Wed 14-Oct-09 00:18:09

LE, did you get their family friendly/work life balance policy? Does it have career break?

Best of luck. smile

Let us know how you got/get on?

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