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Does anyone feel like this?!

(15 Posts)
sallycinamon Wed 16-Sep-09 07:06:54

I've just gone back to work part-time after a year of maternity leave with dd2. I'm a secondary school teacher. My eldest (turned 4 in the summer) started primary school last week and dd2 is at a nursery which I'm happy with.

I'm feeling so down in the dumps at the moment, though. About 60% of the time work is awful (difficult classes), the other 40% it isn't too bad (better classes).

Whatsmore I'm only being paid to work 2 days a week but I am actually in work 3 days a week because of the way my timetable falls. This means we need 3 days of childcare which costs over £600 a month - well over half my salary.

When I went back to work after dd1 I quite enjoyed the combination of work and being a mum. I also did 3 days then and was being paid for all 3 so had a bit more money left at the end of the month.

I probably won't have any more kids and just feel that I want to make the most of my dds while they young and don't want to regret doing a job that makes me miserable and is barely worth it financially when I could have been spent more time with my children.

Resigning would be such a huge decision for me. I know a lot of people perceive being SAHM as the easy option and tbh I think I would feel ever so slightly guilty if I became one. It would feel like a bit of a cop-out for me , like I had not got the staying power to work.

I haven't discussed this with dh but I don't think he would be too keen on me not working.

sorry to moan on and on and I know no one has any miracle answers!

BonsoirAnna Wed 16-Sep-09 07:19:10

Are you a teacher of a subject for which the market is vibrant? What are you chances of returning to work in a couple of years if you resign now?

oregonianabroad Wed 16-Sep-09 07:21:02

I feel your pain... am in a similar situation myself. ds1 has just started primary, and we thought it would finally make financial sense for me to work, until, hey ho, we realised we will need a nanny to collect him from school on the days I work... it is so hard to make these kinds of choices!

I feel slightly differently about work though, I feel almost selfish for enjoying being at work -- but trying to do both well (being a mom and being a good employee) is definitely a growing strain.

One suggestion: could you consider doiing supply?

sallycinamon Wed 16-Sep-09 07:40:25

Thanks for your replies.

I think it could be difficult finding a job teaching in a few years. I feel so out-of touch now having spent 2 of the last 5 years on mat leave. In fact one of the reasons for continuing to work is so that once both kids are at school I still have a job - just keeping my hand in really.

Supply could be an option but not sure if there is much about.

I hope I didn't offend anyone in my op by saying that for me being a sahm would be a cop-out. I think I just feel under pressure to work as most of my friends do and also there is pressure from 'society'. If you make the decision to stay at home I think it is brave in many ways. If I resigned from teaching I would feel like a bit of a failure!

Speckledeggy Wed 16-Sep-09 07:54:59

Failure?!

You are a failure if you are weak enough to stay in a job you obviously don't like. You are worrying too much what other people will think. Forget them and do what you want to do right now. Your career will sort itself out when you want to return. Just because you trained to be a teacher doesn't mean to say you have to do that for the rest of your life.

pasturesnew Wed 16-Sep-09 08:09:46

Take heart, it's still early days if you've only just gone back and you are probably underestimating how tiring it is to do the commute, the impact on your immune system of exposure to new term germs, the different timetable, the settling in DCs to a different routine, the new balance you will need to find with DH re housework etc. I think working part-time is particularly hard as you still have a foot in both the WOHM and SAHM camps and it might mean you end up taking on twice the work overall.

FWIW I found the first 6 months back at work far far harder than the first 6 months of DS' life but I promise it does get easier as you get used to the new status quo. Things do have to give, though - for us it meant very little time to go out with friends and needing to employ a cleaner and so on.

Good luck, I really do think you will start to find things improve by Christmas.

oregonianabroad Thu 17-Sep-09 07:42:41

Speckledeggy, those are rather harsh words for big decisions.

Speckledeggy Thu 17-Sep-09 08:01:51

Sorry, it wasn't meant to be harsh.

Seems to me that a lot of people make decisions based upon what they 'think' other people will think of them.

Being a SAHM will not make aallycinnamon a failure. Moreover it should make her stronger because she would be brave enough not to worry what other people think. Other than how it affects your husband and children, you really shouldn't care a less what other people think!

flintski Fri 18-Sep-09 20:53:15

not sure if is this is going to be any use or not sallycinamon but i am also a teacher and have had about 3 different jobs since my dd was born - full and part-time but haven't really had any difficulty getting a job even when I wasn't actually in post. E.g. If you have a good reference, I think you would be able to get back into a job easily enough.

you do however, make a good point about being out of touch if you resigned - if you thought that you might want to return to teaching at some point, you would need to consider how you would keep up to date as stuff changes so quickly.

I think pasturesnew is probably right though - you might feel better by christmas - i would be careful of making a snap decision - I resigned from a really wonderful job when I felt it was all too much and I wish I hadn't in hindsight.

don't think i've really helped there but hope it gets easier for you soon.

MermaidSpam Sat 19-Sep-09 00:50:37

Sally - could you teach in a local college. It's much more flexible (and pays better too)?

messalina Sun 20-Sep-09 19:56:46

What about moving to a nicer school? What subject do you teach? Would you consider the independent sector? Or a sixth form college? I'd be miserable if I had to spend the day teaching dreadful classes.

sallycinamon Mon 21-Sep-09 20:15:16

Hi All

Sorry, had such a busy week and only jsut read the replies. Thanks everyone!

I think speckled hen has a point. I think it would take more courage to resign than to stick at it!Resigning would be such a huge hing. I'm afraid I am one of those people who worries too much about what other think. I need to base any decision I make on the best interests of my family and me of course.

I teach languages.Does anyone know if there is such a thing as a 'getting back into teaching' course? If I did jack it all in I could do one of those in a few years time! That's if I want to stay in teaching.... To be honest I don't know what I want at the moment.

Would you work 3 days a week for a little over £3000 a year (that's what it amounts to once all the deductions have been made from my salary including childcare)doing a job that is fine half the time but awful the other half?

I almost feel guilty for continuing to work if I take the figures into consideration. Surely we should forego the £3000 so that I can look after my own baby myself and be there for dd1 during her reception year?

On the other hand if I continue working will I feel more fulfilled and enjoy the time I have with my kids all the more plus having job when the youngest goes to school?

Sorry this is turning into a right waffle I know but I am interested in other people's views and what they have done in a similar situation.

Speckledeggy Mon 21-Sep-09 22:05:14

Sounds to me like you already know what your decision should be deep down.

It sounds very simplistic but you should always choose the path that gives you the greatest feeling of relief. It may not be the most logical one! In your case, it sounds like you want to be at home. Don't try and plan your life. You may find you are ready to go back to work in a few year's time. It may be something completely different altogether. Stay flexible, be open minded and stop worrying about the pension! Money and work/career will always appear when you need them. Relax for the time being and enjoy the time with your children. That time is something you will never get back.

sallycinamon Wed 23-Sep-09 07:20:05

Yep, you're probably right speckledeggy. On the other hand things might improve at school so Im not going to make any rash decisions.

It's just a matter of discussing it properly with dh!

Romanarama Wed 23-Sep-09 07:26:59

Can you go down to less time - one day a week or something? That way you'd keep your hand in and have more time with your dcs. Or go to work in a lovely private girls' secondary in preparation for having a massive fee discount when they're older!!

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