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Feeling awful about going back to work

(9 Posts)
woozlet Mon 31-Aug-09 20:29:33

So I am going back to work in 2 weeks time, I have cut my hours down to 3 days a week. DS is only 7 months old and I am feeling physically sick at the idea of leaving him at nursery, there have been tears already and I still have another couple of weeks to go. Thing is we really need the money. Also, we are lucky enough (DH and I work at same company) to have an onsite nursery so he won't be far away. We were very fortunate that he got a place as there are only 6 places for babies and it's a really good nursery. I tried to push back my start date a bit but the nursery have refused, his place is only valid if he starts 14th September.

Not really sure what I am posting this for, it makes me fel better to get it out though.

fishie Mon 31-Aug-09 20:35:00

it will be ok, three days is fine. i went back three days at 13m and in one way it was horrible to leave but another it was too long away from work, very disjointing.

costagirl Mon 31-Aug-09 20:49:22

Poor you, it's horrible isn't it. Nobody but other working mums can appreciate the mixed up emotions and anxiety. It WILL be ok, and the dread of it is probably much worse than the actual event. Your baby will love being at nursery and probably turn out very sociable and well balanced. At least it's not full time, and you're not commuting miles away. Grit your teeth and hang on in there - we've all got through it.

daisyj Mon 31-Aug-09 20:56:09

woozlet - I'm going back to work in 4 weeks when DD is 6 months. I feel awful that I am leaving her at nursery and she can't even sit up on her own yet (don't know why this should make it worse but somehow it does!). She's going two days a week, and last week had a settling session. What made me feel a whole lot better is that the other babies all looked so happy and clearly liked their carers. You could say the carers were on best behaviour as there were two mums there, but you can't fake the babies' reactions. Just thought I'd share that in the hope you can see similar at your LO's nursery and that it might help you too.

woozlet Mon 31-Aug-09 20:58:15

thank you very much for the replies, I actually feel better already. I haven't told anyone else how much I am dreading it!

Ceebee74 Mon 31-Aug-09 20:59:55

I totally sympathise with how you are feeling sad It is awful isn't it?

I had to go back to work when DS1 was just over 6 months and I was absolutely dreading it - I couldn't imagine how anyone could care and look after him properly apart from me. I also went back 3 days a week which is a great balance as you get more days with him than without him.

Anyway, it turned out absolutely fine. He loved nursery, settled in without any problems and came on in leaps and bounds - after about 14 months, our financial situation meant I had to increase my days to 4 and that was fine. Ds1 is now 3.1 and is still at the same nursery and still enjoys going. In fact, he has still been going 4 days a week whilst I have been on maternity leave - something which I couldn't have ever comprehended 2 and a half years ago when I was dreading going back to work.

Also wanted to add that I am also due back at work in 2 weeks after having DS2, who is now 9 months old - and this time round, I feel completely different. Ds2 has been in nursery 1 day a week for the last few weeks and is starting 4 days a week from tomorrow to let him get settled (and give me some child-free time before I start back at work wink) Again, I never even contemplated doing this with DS1 - I think seeing how DS1 has thrived and blossomed at his nursery has meant it is much easier to let DS2 'go' iyswim.

Sorry - have waffled a bit here blush but wanted to explain how my feelings have totally changed - and hopefully your DS will settle in and all will be well smile

sushistar Mon 31-Aug-09 21:09:54

Sorry to be the one voice of dissent, but if you're dreading it, and your instincts are telling you baby might be a bit young, maybe it's not the right choice for you? Is there any way at all you could put it off? Can you really not live on less than you live on now? Do you need to work 3 days to keep a roof over your head and food in your mouth?

I know some poeple genuinly CAN'T afford not to work - ie they would actually go cold / hungry / couldn't pay the rent if they didn't. But I hear lots of people say they 'have' to work but what they mean is they would rather work than sacrifice some of the things they enjoy / want. This is a valid choice, but I think for me it's helpful to see it as a choice - not something they have to do. Of course, you may fit into the first category, in which case I'm sorry - please don't be offended!

It sounds like you have thought about your decision, and I'm sure you and your DH have talked through all the other options (trying to both go part time, you working from home / swapping job / staying off until a year etc). I know for some people nursery feels right, but if you are dreading it so much... are you sure it's the right choice for you?

nickymorris Mon 31-Aug-09 21:16:06

Hi there. I went back to work last week and it was much better than expected. DS was at a childminder who he really likes which is a relief.

He started at the childminder the week before I went back to work and I found it really difficult as I was at home and he wasn't. But once I was at work it was easier as I didn't have any associations with DS at work. Obviously I'd rather be at home with him but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

Hope that helps

Wonderstuff Mon 31-Aug-09 21:20:11

I went back to work 3 days when dd was 8mo, it was hard, the first day I wanted to tell everyone it was a massive mistake and go and get her because I really wanted to smell her hair!
But it got a lot easier quickly, I love being 'wonderstuff' rather than 'mummy' for a bit, I feel I am doing something for me which is good, an I am providing for my family which is important to me.

It does get easier, have you had a settling visit? 3 days is great, by the second day you are half way through and before you know it your done for the week. Picking up your child after a day at work is the best thing ever. My dd loves nursery, she doesn't give me a second glance when we arrive and when I come and pick her up after a quick hug she doesn't want to go home she wants to go back and play with her friends hmm

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