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My poor dd is distraught when I take her to her settling in sessions at her childminder.

(6 Posts)
OneStroke Wed 26-Aug-09 09:43:15

I am going back to work next month and have been taking my 18mth old dd to see her CM to prepare her for being left.
This morning was the 4th session and I am leaving her all morning.
The CM is lovely, highly recommended by friends and OFSTED.
My poor dd bursts into tears as soon as we pull up at her house, and is extremely upset when I leave.
I feel terrible. She has even started crying whenever she meets someone she doesn't know well as is she thinks I am going to leave her.

Does anyone have any happy ending stories with their children who have been similar? I can't bear the thought of her being this unhappy for the foreseeable future.

violethill Wed 26-Aug-09 11:06:58

Oh gosh how awful for you - but it will pass. I would imagine it's the age factor which makes it more extreme - mine were only a few months old when I started leaving them, and it is easier then, they don't have the same separation issues.

You are only on the 4th session, so just stay positive - she really won't be like this forever, it will become her routine, and she'll be fine. Honest! It will also get a lot easier for you, because when you're actually going to work, you usually don't have time to worry about whats going on at the CM. The settling in sessions are hard, because you don't have work to take your mind off it! I remember my dd1's first settling session, I just wandered around the shops feeling naked without a pram and basically clock watching til the end of the session. Once I was back at work, I can honestly say I was so busy I used to almost forget I had a baby until it was home time!

The other thing to bear in mind, is that this separation issue would have happened at some point, so probably better to get it over with now, rather than wait until she's at nursery school or even reception. I was never left by my mother until I was 4 years old and starting school and I remember having to be peeled off her, as I just wasn't confident with new situations, so although it's hard now, you're probably saving yourself a harder time a couple of years down the line.

franklymydear Wed 26-Aug-09 11:15:47

What does childminder say happens after you leave - how long does it take her to calm down?

What is she like when you pick her up?

How you react is very important. Matter of fact. Don't react to the crying. Be positive and upbeat and short. Say goodbye and leave. Leave her with something that belongs to you that she knows you'll come back for. A bracelet or a scarf of a wallet or something she knows is yours. Ask her to look after it and you'll be back soon. Say goodbye and go.

It's normal. 18 months is probably the worst age to do this I'm afraid due to separation anxieties - early or later and it wouldn't be as tough. But she will adjust

franklymydear Wed 26-Aug-09 11:16:46

Oh and settling in sounds a bit drawn out to me

OneStroke Wed 26-Aug-09 11:41:50

Thanks violethill.That makes me feel a bit better. You're probably right about not being able to worry so much when I'm at work.

franklymydear, the CM says she settles after 5 minutes, and even smiles when she is playing.
When I pick dd up as soon as she sees me she bursts into tears.
It is the absolute worse age to be leaving her but it's too late now as I have agreed to go back to work.
That is a great idea regarding leaving her something of mine to look after when I've gone.

franklymydear Wed 26-Aug-09 12:32:22

then that's what you focus on - she is settled in 5 mins after you've gone. The crying is nothing and fairly normal behaviour

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