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Met working friends nanny, have some concerns. what would you do?

(6 Posts)
HerHonesty Thu 13-Aug-09 10:12:35

I start by saying that I am going back to work in September after 10 months with dd so perhaps i am more senstive about childcare arrangements at this time.

I met a friends nanny at a baby class yesterday. Friend has been at work for 3 weeks, so early days for nanny, DDis 6 months old. DD looked perfectly happy - as she always does in the class, but the nanny seemed very unhappy with the situation and I have pasted some of the things she said below.

I am really torn with this, half of me says this is none of my business, early days, what can she do about it anyway now and i would really really hate to upset friend and cause her any extra anxiety and worry... but the other part of me says i should say somethign to her, because if i was in her posiiton i think I would want to know ... so basically, what would you do?

She looked knackered and complained that she was, and said she didnt know how she was going to cope. She complained that dd was not a good eater, and was finding this difficult, also that dd does not sleep during the day which means she doesnt have any time to herself. She previously looked after 2 boys 3 and 5 so didnt have any recent experience with babys or girls. She was lonely and feeling isolated (friend lives in relatively small village). she didnt like driving the car (admittedly massive 4 x4) so was scared to go out.

muddleduck Thu 13-Aug-09 10:18:16

Assuming that you have no realy concerns about whether the lo is being looked after properly, then I'd give them a few more weeks to settle in and then speak to the nanny to see if she was coping better. If things are still tough then I'd tell the nanny to speak to your friend and tell you friend that the nanny seemed to be struggling and advise them to chat. If you do this you need to be clear that you think the LO is fine.

cthea Thu 13-Aug-09 10:18:16

Sounds like she was a bit unprepared for the job. What does not a good eater mean? Does the mum expect her baby to polish off a set amount of jars/pots during the day? Introduce her to BLW! The not sleeping during the day is a bit strange for a 6 month old, they still sleep loads at that age. I can sympathise entirely with the driving. I think I'd tell the baby's mum about the sleeping, also about eating, maybe she's placing too much pressure on the nanny. Does the nanny have to do other things too during the day (clean, cook)? If so, that's maybe why she doesn't have any time for herself, too much workkload.

HerHonesty Thu 13-Aug-09 13:00:53

i think it was the eating that was a bit worrying. she said that her two previous boys had been really good eaters, ate everything, and that dd just didnt seem that interested and took a long time. i dont think she has too much to do, they have a cleaner 2x per week. pressurewise, i suppose, she does a very long day imho, but she did sign up to the job knowing that.

nouveaupauvre Thu 20-Aug-09 20:42:23

difficult one. i have a nanny and when i first went back to work sneakily asked all my mummy friends to keep an eye out for ds at playgroups etc and report back anything they saw! thankfully all reports were glowing. but in the first few weeks i was very anxious and i wouldnt want to panic your friend unnecessarily.
in this case, what the nanny said seems no different than the usual moaning we all do to each other (oh god, i cant get him to eat anything at the moment...type stuff) and if it was coming from another mum it probably wouldn't worry you. but i am a bit surprised that the nanny is talking like this in public (does she know you already, or did you only meet her because she is your friend's nanny, or does she not know that you know her friend?). are you a nanny yourself? in which case its more understandable. if you're not, my concern would be not that the baby is being neglected but that the nanny is maybe a bit out of her depth or not coping that well.
i'd leave it a couple of weeks, keep an eye out, and ask your friend how she is getting on with her new nanny. if she expresses any concerns or says she thinks the nanny's not coping, tell her what you know. if she thinks everything's fine, give it another couple of weeks and if things seem to be getting worse i would gently tell your friend that the nanny seems not to be coping that well and they should talk.
the sleeping thing is a bit odd - does the baby usually not sleep during the day, or is she just refusing to nap for the nanny? if the latter that might be a sign that either all is not well or that the nanny isn't terribly experienced.

GirlsAreLoud Thu 20-Aug-09 20:46:39

She might just be one of those over-honest people who doesn't know when to not say something, or she might just have been having a bad day.

The eating thing is weird though, I mean how good is a 6 month old supposed to be at eating? I weaned DD at 6 months, didn't worry at all about how much she'd eaten (still don't really at 12 months!)

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