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Help, 2nd interview dilemma

(14 Posts)
esandi Wed 05-Aug-09 21:40:49

I have a 2nd interview on Friday and I really do want this job, and I really need it (husband has been made redundant and is also signed off for medical reasons now) I have struggled to get interviews as I have had to phrase my CV in such a way to explain 2 gaps (i.e me having 2 children) and without mentioning them. I did mention them on my CV before but I got zero interviews after 300 applications.

When I took them off and explained away the gaps in a logical manner sans children I then got interviews.

The people I am meeting again on Friday know that I am married and all but I have not mentioned my children and on Friday I am worried that I may get asked more questions making it harder for me not to mention them....

Should I mention them? DO I have to? is it right that if I don't end up having to mention them that I don't? helllllpp.....

tyotya Wed 05-Aug-09 22:57:09

Perhaps it is the sort of work you are seeking. I would guess that if you absolutely have to be at your seat, eg in a call centre or facing the public in some way, then having children is a huge problem as you are likely to have to spend some time, albeit not much, looking after them when they are ill.

I went in for work involving computers, typing etc, so at least if I missed an hour here and there all I did was have to make it up in my lunch hour or something - or simply not get paid for that hour. Having children never stopped me getting a job.

I have also worked in big law firms where high powered lawyers very publicly made time to see their kids, were always rushing off because little'un needed picking up from school, etc.

You do seem to have been unlucky with employers. I wouldn't like to have to tell a big purple porkie like that - when the truth comes out you will be in stuck!

Hope you get sorted!!

esandi Wed 05-Aug-09 23:19:00

Yea I mean I do have care in place for the kids, i.e my husband and my mother and mother in law all full time. I am a PA so its normal 9-5.30 with a few late ones or earlies.

So I am not sure if I should say hey I have kids but they are taken care of...and risk them not giving me the job or not say anything.....then it come out later.....

bigstripeytiger Wed 05-Aug-09 23:23:56

If I was in your situation I would avoid mentioning the children if possible.

If I had to mention it I would then go on to say that I had robust childcare arrangements.

I dont think you are any kind of obligation to volunteer the information.

lechatnoir Wed 05-Aug-09 23:27:47

IMO a key part of the PA role is being 100% reliable & I would say many will perceive a mother as not being 100% reliable (because her children probably come before he job!) - NOT my opinion BTW but I have seen this many times.

Therefore, if they know you have children I would actually make a point of mentioning the type of childcare arrangement you have in place in a positive way ie aren't I lucky my DH/mother care for my children so I don't have to rush home to collect them or be off all the time when they're sick.

Not to say you won't rush home or be off if they're sick, but but, it might offer enough reassurance to get you the job which is the name of the game right now grin

flowerybeanbag Thu 06-Aug-09 09:19:48

I can't imagine why it would need to come up tbh. The interview is supposed to be about you and your skills and experience, your ability to do the job. Why would you end up talking about your personal life anyway?

If for some strange reason it does come up, then you can obviously give excellent reassurance that you have both reliable childcare and reliable back-up childcare in place. But really, it shouldn't even crop up? You're not telling me that every father who goes for an interview has to talk about his children, so the same should go for you.

lechatnoir Thu 06-Aug-09 09:53:40

You're right FBB of course it shouldn't be an issue but sadly in my experience it is & if you don't confront their concerns you'll be turned down in favour of someone without commitments/children.

flowerybeanbag Thu 06-Aug-09 09:57:59

Well if they are unprofessional and discriminatory enough to raise concerns just because the OP is a woman, then she has the perfect answer all ready, so that's fine.

But certainly no need to raise it herself, as by doing that she is implying herself that their having and raising those concerns is reasonable.

esandi Thu 06-Aug-09 10:00:08

yea I think that I wont mention it unless directly asked I wont lie I will be honest and say that I have childcare etc... but if I am not asked I wont say. I must agree men are not asked if they have kids etc as its just assumed the mum is with them.

I would love to stay at home but I am also OK with going back to work as my children come first and I need to be able to earn so that they can be provided for comfortably.

Thanks for your suggestions.....Will say what happens.

MarshaBrady Thu 06-Aug-09 10:02:44

No don't mention it. They shouldn't ask you anyway.

But if they do, just say childcare is in place.

I messed up an interview by gurgling about ds for some silly reason, I could tell by the (pregnant) interviewer's reaction that I had buggered it up at that point. Never again.

mumof2222222222222222boys Thu 06-Aug-09 10:28:28

What Marsha said.

At the end of my last intervieew (18 months ago) the boss to be said, "So you've got children?" (Pretty obvious due to 3 year gap on CV which I had addressed at top of CV stating "After career break I want to go back to work and resume career")

I said that yes I had 2 little boys, and their names were X and Y. And she said her nephew had the same (fairly uncommon) name as X. Etc etc.

I got the job and still have it. Your interviewers probably won't (shouldn't) mention it, but if they do say it is all sorted and don't get defensive.

Good luck.

MarshaBrady Thu 06-Aug-09 10:34:17

I think the woman took look at me and thought 3 and 1/2 year old ds. Chances are she's trying again, she was right as am 5 months pregnant. But sheesh silly me for bringing it to her attention.

Funnily enough have an interview with obvious bump next week, guy is fine about it apparently and still interested. I think small business owners can be more cautious about impending maternity leave cover than actual childcare situations.

I mean with good childcare it isn't an issue.

esandi Fri 07-Aug-09 18:07:13

Well I didn't get it....I was over qualified apparently.... HOW it took them 2 interviews to work that one out I don't know. I was lead back up the two flights of stairs with the other candidate (who I assume got the job) just to be sat in a room and told thanks but no thanks etc etc off you go back down the stairs again for the 3rd time today (it was a 2nd stage interview with 2 stages).... too experienced for the role would be better in a management position. SIGHS....I am so fed up and to top it all off today the guy in the flat above us did something to his boiler and it overheated and blew a pipe which came flooding down into my kitchen and drenched it and pulled plaster of the ceilings and walls and made a terrible mess. The cats were skating around the kitchen and my 3 year old thought she was in a water park....splashing about.

NOT my week.

roses12 Wed 12-Aug-09 09:57:54

hi so sorry to read ur post so dissappointing. but on positive side mabye you didnt get interviews before because you were over qualified. have you ever rang up for feedback. Also as the firm obviously liked you enough to spend all that time&moey iterviewing. it might be a good idea to ask them to keep u in mind should a suitable post arise.

good lucksmile

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