Going back to work FT tomorrow. DD is 10m. Will I ever feel happy again?

[imoscarsmum]

On paper, I should be happy. I've always wanted a career and I have a wondeful, flexible job that pre DD i loved. i work a bit from home, so no horrible commute and the nursery we have DD in has a waiting list it's so good. DD will go there 3 days and 1 or 2 days a week with MIL. I have 35 days of leave to take before the end of the year, so I can more or less take a day off a week until next year.

However, i feel like shit. I fel so upset, I trust the nursery staff but keep thinking how will they (or MIL) know how DD likes to eat, sleep, play etc. We have done BLW but I keep thinking staff and MIL will try to feed by spoon, even though both have agreed to be led by DD.

DD has had settling in sessions at nursery and has got very distressed when I left her and although I sort of expected that as she's 10m, it's afected me badly and it feels like a scene from a film where they're dragging children away (or Torchwood last week!) She has got better each visit, which is the only positive.

What I am trying to say, badly, is that on paper all seems OK and deep down i know she'll be fine but atm I just want to run away with her and I'm dreading the next few weeks as I think I'll spend most days in tears. I also think no one can look after DD properly except me.

I'm just looking for words of reassurance that what I'm feling is normal and life will continue and DD will not grow up hating me (my sister and I have serious abandonment issues from our childhood, so think it's affecting my ability to be rational).

Sorry for long post.

[artifarti]

No experience of this yet as about to start settling DS (also 10 months) in with CM. But didn't want your thread to go unanswered so hope this will 'bump' it and someone with experience further down the line with returning to work will come and answer you.

I'm pretty sure that what you are feeling is normal. I'm also dreading it. But your DD will not grow up hating you, honestly. From what everyone says, it will get easier - and it sounds like your DD is settling in nicely, which is great.

(Also wish I hadn't watched Torchwood last week!)

[dizzydixies]

it sounds like you've done the right research into where she is going to be nursery wise and its lovely that you have family who can help too

I appreciate you are anxious but remember if you feel its not working out you can always make changes/adjustments as you see fit

nothing is set in stone and this time in 6months you might look back and wonder why you were worried about anything

[violethill]

It will all be fine!

Don't worry that your dd will grow up hating you! She's more likely to grow up knowing that it's totally normal for mummies and daddies to have interesting careers! My children went to a great nursery and still talk about it many years later!

You and your partner are still mum and dad - and will always come first in her life. You're just giving her lots of enriching experiences too.

[starmucks]

She'll be fine, and so will you. I'm pretty sure every working mum goes through this. I did when I went back. My boss did too: in fact she turned up with big panda eyes having cried all the way into work and then went home at lunch time to check on her boy.

[imoscarsmum]

Thanks for all your comments. I'm currently back in my office and remembering how much I enjoy it. Still missing DD like mad (leaving work early, thank god for flexitime) and she cried when I left her but I waited outside and she eventually stopped, plus I didn't feel as bad as I thought I would.
It helps to hear that this is all normal

[Orissiah]

If it helps at all, my mum went back into fulltime working when I was 8 months old and I never grew up to hate her :-) In fact, I never had a rebellious phase with either of my fulltime working parents and today we are still very good friends. My memories of childhood are an endless succession of wonderful weekends with them and fab family holidays.

[EllieG]

It is normal, she will not hate you, she will be fine and after a bit, so will you. I felt exactly the same, but after the first week or so we had all settled in nicely and it was fine. The anticipation is worse than when you are actually doing it IWSWIM as it just becomes a new routine for them which they completely accept. My DD is perfectly happy at nursery, has learnt so much there, and is adored by all the staff. My Dad has her 2 afternoons a week and both are loving her Grandpa time too. And though I hate to admit it, other people have managed to look after my babe fine, and she has adjusted to change perfectly happily. And we are still so close, it hasn't changed our relationship at all.

Plus, I like my work. I was dreading it, but it is nice having a bit of adult time if am honest.

I do feel for you, I know how I felt though, so have a supportive hug from me x

[Pendulum]

Yes, you will feel very happy when your darling baby DD turns into a scowling threenager and you have the office to escape to

Seriously, it is hardest to leave them in the first couple of years (and especially before they are talking). After that, they develop their own circle of friends at nursery, learn independence and have more fun that I could ever have supplied myself. DD1 is 5 and DD2 is nearly 2 and I do find it much, much harder to be apart from DD2 all day. It will get easier!