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Breadwinning Mum & SAH Dad

(8 Posts)
Lizum Fri 10-Jul-09 21:02:25

Any breadwinning mum's out there? DH lost his job so we've decided that I go back to work full time after 8 months mat leave and he looks after DS. What's it like for you?
I wanted to stay off work as long as possible but I'm also kind of looking forward to going back now and I know I'll miss DH like mad.

zisforzebra Fri 10-Jul-09 23:29:44

We've been doing this for two years now and it's worked out fine. Mine are 7 and 5 and DH was at home full time when I had DS1 and went back to work full time. When I had DS2, I decided that I wanted to be at home for a change so DH went back to full time.

After a while, DH was really sick of his job and never seeing the children and I got offered a good opportunity with really good pay so we swapped again.

The boys love it and so does he, so much in fact that he's now a play leader at school and is hopefully starting a teaching assistant course in september. The children at school call him a 'dinner dad' instead of a dinner lady!

It's all about getting the right balance and just doing whatever works for your family. DH is great at the washing, not bad on washing up and hoovering and needs a map to find the bathroom cleaner but somehow it just all works for us.

Good luck! [smiel]

neversaydie Sun 12-Jul-09 09:21:37

We did it for a couple of years, after our ds was at school. It was very tough on dh, who is not the most sociable of men and who found it very isolating. It made my work easier in some ways (had to worry less about working round his commitments). But I found having the whole responsibility for bringing the money in very daunting.

The house was a tip!

We now both work 80% of full time (he 4 days a week, me term times only) and it is much better all round. Not least for ds who sees a lot more of me and whose father is happier.

pasturesnew Sun 12-Jul-09 09:47:22

We had this for 5 months last year, it was fine in terms of our relationships and v nice for DS and DH but it was hard on DH as it was not a long-term decision but because it took longer than he thought to find another job. I also got really lazy at housework etc. which was a bit unfair although DH was v good about it all. Financially, it came at a bad time as we were moving house and had a mortgage and rent on the go at the same time for a while and were caning it through our savings. So all round we are happier that DH is back at work now.

We would do it again if circumstances worked that way or on purpose if we felt DC needed to see more of us but def better if planned than when forced by redundancy.

So I suppose what I am saying is you will be fine if your DH is happy about not working but if he would really prefer to work then maybe that is more suitable.

Mamulik Sun 12-Jul-09 15:23:47

it must be hard for you to go to work so early, but if you have job and your husband looking after baby - so you have to adjust

redtabby Sat 18-Jul-09 07:15:24

I am the only breadwinner in our family (am a doctor), DH did work freelance previously but the industry he works in has been hit hard by the recession and he has not had work since last year. So...I am going back to work fulltime in Sept, when baby will be three motnhs old.

I feel a bit sad about it, I am so loving being at home with the little darling, and this is the first time in over twenty years that I have had more than about two weeks away from fulltime work and it is giving me a whole different perspective on life, a different pace really. But I am also glad DH will have his intense bonding time with the baby and I know they will also have a lovely time together.

I am not sure exactly how we will all cope but careful planning is already in place, especially as I am breastfeeding so will have to pump at work etc. We will also have a nanny\babysitter come in for a couple of sessions a week so that DH can get on with some projects he is working on in the absence of paid work.

I know we will all make it work but I get the feeling it will be quite challenging (and tiring) especially at first! I will report back later in the year with any tips and advice I have gleaned along the way!

Gumbo Sat 18-Jul-09 07:27:19

I went back to work when DS was 4mo; DH decided to be a SAHD, and it's worked out really well. It was only supposed to be for a year, but more than 3 years later we both still love it!

It made going back to work so much easier for me without having to worry about whether I'd make it back from work before nursery closed, what to do when DS was ill etc etc.

Yes, there is a bit of pressure with being the sole breadwinner, but the pro's outweigh the cons. (And my house is also a tip now, but I've learnt that there are more important things in life - my son is happy and healthy and has a fabulous relationship with DH, which takes a higher priority than a spotless kitchen floor...)

Enjoy it!

twoisplenty Sat 18-Jul-09 07:29:16

We haven't swapped roles yet, but are discussing it. My dh hates his job, and is very stressed by it. I haven't worked for 10 years, so I'm daunted by the thought of going back to work, I've lost some confidence because I have been at home for so long.

But I am excited by the idea of being at work too. It would help if my dh was at home, as our ds has cerebral palsy and is getting heavier and more wilfull, so having his dad around would be better in that sense.

But I really don't want to be at work mon - fri, 9 - 5. I want my diary to be flexible (iyswim) so I would really like to go back into complementary medicine (reflexology) but dh doesn't think I could make a living out of it. I would like the challenge of trying, but we haven't got savings to fall back on really. Just a pipe dream then I suppose...

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