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i have no idea what i want do do

14 replies

booyhoo · 03/07/2009 17:46

i never have.

i had ds last month so am on mat leave for a potential 11 months or so. before this i worked 3 days a week in a bank for a reasonable salary.

i have worked there for 5 years and i have never enjoyed it. when i first took the job it was meant to be temporary until i found a job i wanted to do as my "career". then i got pregnant with ds1 4 months after starting and so finding the career job never really happened.

im at the point now where i dont know if i want to go back to this job. i dont agree with the ethics of the business and so find it hard to reach my sales targets, i enjoy having the balance between work and home and being off now has reinforced that i do want to be working to keep that balance. but i feel as though i am missing the early years of my children's lives for a job that i really dont see going anywhere. i dont want to be promoted in this company as it would mean more time away from home.

i know i am lucky to have a stable job in these times and i am going back to work after my maternity leave but i have to make a decision about what im going to do longterm. i think i will regret in years to come, spending my days working in this job and being stressed about it.

the thing is, i just dont know what i want to do. OH has suggested retraining, but i have no idea what i would retrain in.

im not sure why im posting but its really getting to me now, i almost feel as if im panicking that my life is going to just run away without me if i dont do something about it.

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DisturbinglySexuallyInactive · 03/07/2009 17:57

did you have any ambitions/dreams when you were younger? these might point to possible career areas

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booyhoo · 03/07/2009 18:09

oH has asked me that so many times and i mustnt have. i cant remember ever saying "i want to be..." i think i never had any amitions yet thats stupid because all children know what they want to be at any given time, even if they change their mind the week after. but i just cant recall wanting to be or do anything.

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DisturbinglySexuallyInactive · 03/07/2009 18:20

well you already are being and doing something!

do you have to work?

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booyhoo · 03/07/2009 18:23

yes, both for money and sanity,

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DisturbinglySexuallyInactive · 03/07/2009 18:28

yes I work for both, not that I have an excess of either!

there are so many things I get interested in I find it hard to imagine not knowing what to do - were there any aspects of your last job that you particularly enjoyed? what do you like to do in your free time, there must be interests to uncover there!

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Granny23 · 03/07/2009 18:38

OK Booyhoo - you have made a start in deciding what you don't want to do - i.e. a job which you view as morally bankrupt. I worked in a bank when I left school and felt it was a useful job, that we were performing a valuable service for a family of customers, with respect on both sides. When I looked at returning to work after DCs the Banks had changed into organisations dedicated to screwing as much profit as possible from their customers and staff had been pushed into the role of bonus driven sales persons instead of service providers. I could not countenance spending 30 years of my working life doing that - even for a pension. I understand the need to do something 'worthwhile' whether that is working in the voluntary sector or producing a product people really need or performing a necessary service.

A useful starting point is to read all the jobs pages you can find for a month or so, perhaps sending for application packs if anything interests you. Do this before you considering training so that you are aware which fields have job opportunities and also which ones pay well/fit with family life and which do not.

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booyhoo · 03/07/2009 18:40

all my time is spent on something to do with home, if i leave the house its to do the shopping, take ds to school, or visit family. OH works away so i dont get childfree time.

when i left school i trained as a beauty therapist but realised before i completed training that it wasnt what i wanted to do, so i took the bank job and thats where ive stayed. i am outgoing, i enjoy interacting with people.

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philopastry · 03/07/2009 19:29

Maybe you should approach this in a slightly different way...

What do you really enjoy doing? (Not work stuff, think recreational, fun, hobby type stuff)
And what is it that you get from participating in these activities?
What are you naturally good at? (If you are not sure ask partner, friends. family, they will tell you)
What is your proudest achievement (apart from giving birth!) Think about why you are so proud of this.
If time/ resources etc were no barrier, and absolutely anything were possible, what would you do?

I wouldn't worry about not knowing what you wanted to do as a kid, but get curious about what you want to do now...just because the answer isn't at the forefront of your mind does not mean that it isn't in there somewhere. You just need to spend a bit of time getting to know more about yourself. If you can afford it I would consider using a Career Coach.

ps - Like you, I did a job that I didn't enjoy and never meant to stay in for long for 5 years - I kept getting preganant so ended up staying there for 5 years! I left almost 2 years ago to re-train, and for me it was the best decision I ever made.

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booyhoo · 03/07/2009 20:22

thanks philo, i'll have to ask OH and family about that one. clearly, knowing my own mind isnt one of my strong points.

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TracyGriffin · 09/07/2009 15:49

Hi, I have just started work for Jamie Oliver's brand new company, Jamie at Home. It is a party plan business so I am fitting it in around my 2 year old as I am a full time Mum and my husband and his job. I have been doing it 3 months, love it and am earning suprisingly good money. Give me a call or drop me a line if you want to chat about it - [email protected] 07956 357817. If not, hope you find something that works for you and good luck !!

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TracyGriffin · 09/07/2009 15:49

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NewPenName · 09/07/2009 21:11

i feel for you, there too. Philo has some good advice tho tbh always struggle with quesiton "what do you really want to do"? What if you honestly don't really mind/care as long as it's relatively interesting/purposeful/well-paid? Alain de Boton is interesting on this subject quesitoning why we are so obsessed with expecting to enjoy our work, it's work after all, maybe not meant to be so enjoyable.