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Can any doctors reassure me please, I'm having a panic.

(8 Posts)
Lulabell Wed 03-Jun-09 18:42:18

Not actually a health related question.

I'm in my third year at medical school (although already have one degree, so I'm a bit older than most) and my fiance and I decided a few months ago that we want to start a family. We spent ages talking through all the logistics (eg taking a year out, childcare for final years, he's a teacher so maximising his hometime, and ultimately possibly abandoning surgery for gp) and came to the conclusion that it would be tough but manageable.

However, as time ticks by with out getting a bfp it's giving me more time to panic that maybe it's a terrible idea and that I'll never be able to finish medical school, much less make it through FY1&2 with a small baby/child.

Is it possible to be a junior doctor with a small child, or worse, with 2, as having had one I wouldn't want to wait 6 years for another. Or is there a better time to do? We're a bit stuck as my fiance is 9 yrs older than me and understandably doesnt want to wait too long to start a family, and neither do I particularly, certainly not until I'm a consultant which is what my tutor helpfully suggested hmm .

Thanks very much for any advice you can give me! I'm hoping I'm just in a flap about nothing, and impending exams dont help!

reikizen Wed 03-Jun-09 19:16:43

Although I'm not a medical student,I am just coming to the end of my midwifery degree and had an 18 month old when I started and had a baby at the end of my first year. Can honestly say wasn't as bad as many people thought it would be and almost every girl on the course has children (some have 4 or 5!) Sometimes it's a bloody nightmare but as long as your dp can do his share of childcare I found it manageable.

hotbot Wed 03-Jun-09 20:04:37

personally think you are mad and should finish your course, strating out as a jnr is extremely tough without the pressure of a lo
but feel free to ignore me.....smile

JoeJoe1977 Wed 03-Jun-09 20:10:09

You'd be better off getting your hospital rotations out of the way first. Once you are a GP registrar there is much more support for part-time working, I know a number of women who have done that. (DH is a GP trainer, so that's how I'm familiar).

best of luck smile

LaDiDaDi Wed 03-Jun-09 20:13:57

I got pregnant with dd immediately I started work as an SpR (so think ST3/4 in terms of time left to be a consultant).

It has been hard as I choose to work fulltime because I couldn't bear to think how much longer I'd have left in training if I went p/t.

We deliberated ttc when we did but in hindsight I have wondered if I should have waited another couple of years. However, I was 27 when I got pregnant with dd so in terms of my biological clock in theory I had loads of time iyswim. When I was pregnant we had a medical student on attachment who was also pregnant, she ended up taking a year out and when I last saw her she was struggling to get agreement to do her F1/F2 years flexibly.

I would say that what you want to do is achievable but think hard about how you would work out the practicalities both now and in the future. Remember the impact that working ft will have on your family life (especially as you would still have your membership exams to pass which I had already done) and the impact that working flexibly (min 0.6 wte) will have on the time until you reach consultant post/GP.

FWIW in your position I would wait until I'd qualified if I wasn't much older than 30 now.

LadyG Wed 03-Jun-09 20:47:21

I have a friend who did medicine as a mature student and sat finals with a 3 month old. She is now an F2 and has 3 under 5. She has support in the form of her (lovely) mother-in law who lives with them but she is also incredibly organised and very very motivated.

Lulabell Wed 03-Jun-09 22:20:29

Yikes, mixed advice! The difficulty is that I'm torn between what is sensible (waiting) and what I'd love to do. I'm not that old for a mature student, although older than average, so I'm not so worried about it taking longer to get where I want to be, although that also means I have longer interms of biological clock so it's an argument in both directions! Although we both want a big family, so I'd rather not leave it too late.

Rubbish, I should just have stuck with the degree I already had...

I have no clue what to do...

Thanks for your replies!

KathyBrown Fri 05-Jun-09 23:08:38

Not a GP but general career advice would be, finish your training and establish yourself before children. Everything after children is harder to juggle and I found that people need to cut you some slack in the first 12 months back, that is easier to expect if they remember the old competent you rather than the rusk stained shadow they are now faced with.

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