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DH thinks that it is not worth me working... (long post but would love other people's advice!)

(15 Posts)
BouncingTurtleSkulls Tue 28-Oct-08 08:54:07

And it is looking like he might be right.

Currently we both work full time, my take home pay is slightly higher than his but he has a company car and a fuel car (he works in Sales).
He is due a promotion which will mean his take home pay will be higher than mine.
Anyway, we've looked at our outgoing, and stripping off a couple of things that DH thinks we don't need, we are less than £100 a month better off than if I wasn't working.
This is because we have a 10mo in full time nursery and alsp my fuel bill which is around £160 a month (I do a 70mile round trip every day to work, including nursery pick up and drop off).
Cheaper childcare is not an option - we don't have the back up of family to use so a childminder is out of the question, and this particular nursery is on my way to work.
I cannot work from home due to the nature of my job.
As for my job itself, I hate it, it is making me quite stressed tbh. I've been back at work now for nearly 2 months. Basically it is to do with the fact I've been thrust into a role I am not comfortable with, it is not what I wanted to do, and I don't think I am very good at (and I think this is known to my boss). However my boss and the rest of the team value me for the company knowledge and experience I have plus the qualifications I have which are consider to be essential (Sorry don't want to be to specific as I don't want to be identified).
I would seriously struggle to find another job with similar or better pay and conditions, especially closer to where I live, and moving to another area is not an option due to the current economic climate - we would never sell out house.
(BTW thanks for your patience if you have made it this far smile)
Anyway what I want to know is DH and I get CTC, but when we worked it out on his salary alkone we would get less CTC, I presume becuase only the working parent is entitled to it.
Would I be entitle to other benefits? I'm not sure I would since I am voluntarily giving up work. We are thinking about having another baby, but I don't want to start trying until DS is at least 18mo.
I'm also thinking about what working at home things I can do to bring in extra cash.
Could you tell me of your experience if you have been in a similar situation? Any advice etc.?

Thanks in advance.

NotDoingTheHousework Tue 28-Oct-08 09:02:34

Message withdrawn

MrsTittleMouse Tue 28-Oct-08 09:08:05

Do you have two cars now? Could you get rid of one if you don't have to do that big commute? It's shocking how much it costs to run a car a month (if you factor in maintainance/tax/insurance as well as petrol - and that's not even counting depreciation!).

Just a thought - if your boss values you that much, could you go in a negotiate a different role? It sounds as though you would be happy with working if you weren't in a situation where you weren't comfortable with your job. It's probably safer in today's climate to have two people working rather than relying on one salary (as we do). If you want to be a SAHM that's a different matter of course.

BOOkleSpookle Tue 28-Oct-08 09:57:48

I agree in part with your DH, it seems a lot of fuss for what works out as £25 per week but there are other factors involved.

MrsTittleMouse raises a good point about you career, what would a possibly 5 year break do to it? Is there any way you could re-negotiate your role? Or possibly even go p/t?

OTOH, if you are not enjoying your work then this could be a great opportunity for you to re-focus on something new, have a break from work, be a SAHM for a while and then perhaps re-train for something else for when the DCs are older?

If you are looking to earn a little extra, is there a supermarket with late hours anywhere near you? Might be mind-numbing work but it is a very sociable job and its great to have adult company when you've been with children all day! Another option is to perhaps become a childminder yourself?

Also, with the CTC you are currently getting more due to the fact DS is in childcare while you work so that will go down if you become a SAHM.

exasperatedmummy Tue 28-Oct-08 10:33:09

I tend to agree with your DH, unless you are on some sort of career ladder that you want to stay on - have some time out, being a SAHM isn't so bad you know and this time goes by soooooo quickly. When your son is three he will be entitled to free childcare half day so that will decrease your childcare costs.

I wouldn't be saying this if you hadn't have said you hate your job!

morningpaper Tue 28-Oct-08 10:36:07

> However my boss and the rest of the team value me for the company knowledge and experience I have plus the qualifications I have which are consider to be essential

Can't you work part-time? Or from home a few days a week or month?

I would try to work self-employed from home if I was you, particularly if you want another baby - if you continue to pay your own national insurance then you will be able to benefit from maternity allowance later on

Tortington Tue 28-Oct-08 10:50:31

look on to work out what you are entitled to.

sounds like its something you want to do - with belt tightening - i hope your v. happy xx

Leoloopydoo Tue 28-Oct-08 10:53:00

Unless you have no doubts don't rush your decision, being back at work for 2 months isn't a long time.

I have resigned from work for pretty much the same reasons as you have mentioned (last week this week )! My reason to come back to work was for my own sanity not for money, but because I don't like my job, boss etc... it is having the opposite effect. At the moment I don't have the energy or interest to look for another job.
Its taken me a long time to make the decision and I am nervous as hell about being at home with 3 out of control under 4s, but I think at the end of the day it will be better for all of us.

I'm taking time off with the kids and thinking of this as an opportunity - a door closes and many more doors open - and have lots of ideas for what I can do in the future which will fit much better around the kids.
Its going to be tough for a while as as ds1 doesn't start kindergarten until next year (but does go to playgroup for a couple of hours 3 times a week) and the dts are with me 24/7, will try to find money for a babysitter half a day a week,that will be my sanity time !

BouncingTurtleSkulls Tue 28-Oct-08 12:34:11

Thank you all for your kind and helpful comments. Sorry have only now just go back in to look at them!

Notdoingthehousework - £100 a month less would make things pretty hard, we have already got belt tightening in place! We never go out as a couple due to lack of baby sitters, get a takeaway once in a full moon, we don't do dvd rentals, don't go down the pub, I may go somewhere for a meal with friends maybe once every couple of months, but that's it!
We do go abroad but that I am not prepared to give up as the only time we go abroad is to visit my Spanish family. Can't really say we're never going to see my dad and the rest again And no, they won't visit! Too expensive apparently angry

MrsTM -Currently not an option to get rid of my car - I have already stated, I do a 70mile round trip to work every day, not doable on public transport, and DH has a company car and works 50 miles in the opposite direction. If I stayed at home I would seriously consider getting rid of it though.

Morningpaper - Because the cost of childcare would not decrease at the same rate as any salary drop, part time working is not an option. And I need to be physcially on site so cannot work from home at all. And to be honest, the few bits I could do at home would be difficult to do with a curious, mobile baby

I think yes a 5 year break may kill my career but to be honest I don't think I am that bothered. I am open to may be looking at another role, but the job I was doing before I went on leave was tbh even more stressful and someone else is doing it (and he is welcome to it grin)

I will have a look at that website, Custy thank.

Beckle - dh mentioned about the childminding. Now I like look after my own child (most of the time wink) but wouldn't want to look after other peoples. The supermarket thing I would consider, especially as there is a big Asda up the road.

Leo - I like your comment about doors, I've been thinking along those lines too!

I have to give 3 months notice in my job, and they will hold me to it because I will be reasonably tough to replace. But I won't do anything until DH's promotion comes through, and when that happens, that £100 deficit will disappear and it will be easier.

I am feeling a bit guilty, I do like my boss and my colleagues, and I know it will make very difficult for everyone if I do hand my notice in, but I've got to think of what is best for me and my ds. I feel quite bad as my boss is having to replace another manager who is leaving - there has been a lot of changes in personnel over the last 2 years, with people moving on within and without the company, and the strain is starting to show.

BOOkleSpookle Tue 28-Oct-08 15:15:09

BT, you seem to be worrying more about your boss than yourself! It sounds to me like you have made your decision and have a plan in place - I would go for it. Being a SAHM is fab and trust me, they do grow up incredibly fast - I don't know how it is possible my DS1 is 8!

Supermarket work is okay too, some days I am glad to go to work for a break! 2 evenings a week there makes over a £200 difference to our incomings too without taking too much away from my home life.

By the time DD starts school I will have been out of the 'real work' loop for 12.5 years! So, in the meantime, I am thinking of re-training at home to do something which will fit in better with the children so that eventually I will be able to go back to a job where I can use my brain again!

BouncingTurtleSkulls Tue 28-Oct-08 15:25:28

I'm thinking of training as a BFC actually!

Leoloopydoo Tue 28-Oct-08 15:33:13

I also think your boss is not your responsibility. Its your life, make yourself happy, its up to him to look after himself.

You may find that not going to work saves you more money than you think. I worked out that cutting out the cost of travel, lunches, clothes and other work related expenses would make quite a considerable saving.

BouncingTurtleSkulls Tue 28-Oct-08 15:43:01

Actually it is now looking like I'm going to get sacked anyway, since there appears to have been an enormous fuck up which it now looks like I responsible for..

Hey ho...

Leoloopydoo Tue 28-Oct-08 15:59:33

HAng in there and see if you can get a nice pay-off !

i thought about the BFC when I was BF-ing the dts, but dh said I would probably loose interest once the kids were past that stage. Not sure yet if he is right or not.

BouncingTurtleSkulls Tue 28-Oct-08 18:00:45

I think I'll be fine, have defuse situation!

Pay off would have been nice

Anyway shall have a good think, and DH gets his promotion soon!

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