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Feel like I need back up childcare for my childcare IYSWIM

(48 Posts)
spiderbabymum Sun 26-Oct-08 22:11:02

I am currently hoping to go back to work 4 days per week . Working days will be 8:30 to 17:30 or later !
My ds is in a nursery . I have NO family nearby , have only lived in the area for 3 years , and my partner works away mon - friday .
My job is in healthcare ... and basically if Im not in it makes life pretty miserable for my colleagues .... and I will not be taken seriously if this happens reapeatedly ...if at all .
My worry is what happens if my lovely ds is ill . I hope this doesnt sound harsh but I would be very uneasy having to stay with him at home for most of the usual childhood illness stuff EG chickenpox. OF course If I was worried Or he was Miserable with it then I would want to be with him .

He is currently settled in nursery 2 days a week and seems to like it . I would hope to increase the nursery days ..........

But if he hs diarrhoea ETC hes excluded for 48 hours .. that would be a disaster .

I realise that a childminder is more flexible .. and that I could prehaps afford to have a nanny in my hoome for some of the extra days .

I thought I could get around the illness thing by having someone locally sort of on standby . I would rather pay someone . Has anyone any experience with this kind of thing ? or any advice .

Will I just have to bite the bullet , hire a full time nanny ... and completely change my little ones currrent routine .??? Thanks for listening .

Quattrocento Sun 26-Oct-08 22:14:01

Spider - have you thought about an aupair?

Because you're right that you will need back up care for when you go to work.

Failing that, can you make an arrangement to work from home if this does occur? So making sure that your IT etc is connected etc?

justaboutoccasionallyswears Sun 26-Oct-08 22:14:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeaMcLean Sun 26-Oct-08 22:18:55

There's never a perfect solution. Children get ill. You're pretty much stuck with that, and whilst a nanny is best in that situation, there are other problems with having a nanny.

spiderbabymum Sun 26-Oct-08 22:21:23

Thank you for your helpful commments ....Quattro . (wink)

Yes I have thought about it ...because I feel the cost of a nanny is prohibitive .

An aupair could work out oK .. but current flat rather small ..............

Unfortunately I cant work from hme .

annieshaf Sun 26-Oct-08 22:22:51

If your DS is ill then he will most likely be miserable too and therefore as you said yourself you would want to be with him. You are unfortunately coming face to face with the reality of life which all working mums have to cope with and that is that in some circumstances your children need to be put first, even above your job and work colleages.

spiderbabymum Sun 26-Oct-08 22:26:29

I live in a rural area and i would like to point out that the child minder who I might have used has very few other childen and is very flexible and willing to take children when they are ill . ....within reason . ( may of my collaegues have used her in the past )

At the time I hoped my child would benifit from a nusrery enviroment ....and her days didnt siut us .

justaboutoccasionallyswears Sun 26-Oct-08 22:26:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeaMcLean Sun 26-Oct-08 22:29:37

"My job is in healthcare ... and basically if Im not in it makes life pretty miserable for my colleagues .... and I will not be taken seriously if this happens reapeatedly ...if at all ."

I'm curious that your colleagues in healthcare don't understand that people with children may need to take annual leave at short notice when a child becomes ill. You need to flag up to them in advance your issues with arranging alternative childcare, ie you would share with DH but he works away.

And, if he works away, and your DC is ill on a Friday, does that mean he could come home on the Thursday evenng, for instance? Can you alternate the times when you each have to take annual leave at short notice?

It's about demonstrating to your colleagues that you're as flexible as you can be, and sharing things out as much as possible imho.

spiderbabymum Sun 26-Oct-08 22:31:55

I work as a doctor . Im a GP . IF I do get the job ..... I will take the responsibility very seriously .

I agree and thank you all for your enlightening comments .....I definately have some way to go in facing up to the realities of being a mother .
( my child is 18 months )

But in saying that I do feel I have to balance the needs of my child with those of the job . This is a difficult dilama ... i am only trying to plan ahead a bit .....

My friend who is a teacher says that she is not allowe take time off work if her child is ill .. its in their contract . ......

justaboutoccasionallyswears Sun 26-Oct-08 22:32:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

madamy Sun 26-Oct-08 22:38:36

I can see that as a GP if you were to be off at short notice, there would be alot of pressure on your colleagues. You can't really cancel patients appts can you!

Are there any other GPs you know who might be able to share what they have done in similar situations?

Also, most children really aren't ill that much - as I'm sure you know! My eldest is 5 and since i went back to work when she was 6 months, she's probably only been ill enough to stay away from nursery/school once a year.

spiderbabymum Sun 26-Oct-08 22:40:26

Pea ,

The way it seems to work in my area is that people take a sick day in these circumstances ...But I agree taking annual leave at short notice would be acceptable to me ...and seems a much fairer way to do it . I had nt really yhought about that ..... it certainally would make me feel a lot easier about staying at home .

spiderbabymum Sun 26-Oct-08 22:43:43

Mdamy ,

Yes there are a few other female GPs around . there one I know who workd full time and has a stay at home hubbie ( nice ! )

Most of the others use a flexible childminder......Or apartner is willing to take days off .....

spiderbabymum Sun 26-Oct-08 22:49:10

I KNOW kids arent ill that much but i feel this issue is a major one for work .
They know they cant sak me in an interview setting ..... but I know they want to suss out what my plan is .

I really did not want to reveal too much about myself .... but I find you guys so helpful ...and such a wealth of useful knowledge .

The Childcare is a huge issue for me ALSO i think because ...
My partner is not supportive of my career aspirations ... ( unchanged since I met him )

And we have been having problems . TO be honest in my hart I dont think its going to last .

Can I get all this deleeted later ?

annieshaf Sun 26-Oct-08 22:52:45

As a GP are you not able to arrange for a locum to cover appointments at short notice?

By the way employees are entitled by law to take unpaid time off to care for sick dependants at short notice. Not sure if this helps you as I would assume as a GP you are self employed but surely it would apply to your teacher friend.

spiderbabymum Sun 26-Oct-08 23:00:37

Locums not an option for tis sort of thing .....in a semi rural area . a bit off the beaten track .

I shall speak to my teacher friend about that .

nannyL Sun 26-Oct-08 23:09:59

was on your other thread

just to add when i was ill (got my 4 year olds tummy bug and was very poorly) it was my DB, a locum GP, who had to be off work at short no notice, and care for his baby (who had also got ill the same day as me, having got the same thing from his brother)

I DID myself go into work as DB was about to leave for his work (as usual) and he sent me straight back home telling me I looked awful, and sure enough a few hours later I was... (and a few days later he and MB got it too)

madamy Sun 26-Oct-08 23:10:44

There's a bit here about your 'rights' etc regarding leave for dependants. Another option could be unpaid leave if it's only the odd day or so - would that enable locum cover?

madamy Sun 26-Oct-08 23:11:36

sorry - just read about locums, or lack of!

annieshaf Sun 26-Oct-08 23:12:48

Sorry to hear about your problems spiderbaby I do sympathise and I suppose that makes the childcare issue more important.
However in an interview situation bearing in mind that you cant be asked discriminatory questions outright, I think if you display a flexible attitude that recognises the difficulties which your absence would place on others then it shouldn't be a major issue as you will then develop a level of trust which they would hopefully have in you. Once you are trusted and respected in your position then most people will accept that if you are taking time off then it is only as a last resort.

FWIW I found it very difficult going back to a job which I had given a full commitment to for 12 years after I had DS1 as I knew that i would not be able to give the same level of commitment. However amongst the people I worked closely with I soon realised that there was an understanding that you sometimes have to put your family first and I was never made to feel guilty.

spiderbabymum Sun 26-Oct-08 23:15:36

Locums dont work partly cause of possible lack of local knowledge , bit of a learning curve in a new practice , lack of continuity ...... They are fine to cover holidays ...or longer periods .

cece Sun 26-Oct-08 23:17:51

" My friend who is a teacher says that she is not allowe take time off work if her child is ill .. its in their contract "

I am shock at this. I am a teacher and have had to take time off to look after ill children! What is she is supposed to do? Surely that is illegal? I thought you were entitled to a certain number of days to care for children! Perhaps she works in the private sector as no state school would have that in their contract...

spiderbabymum Sun 26-Oct-08 23:23:20

Annieshaf ,
Beginning to wonder if anyone read that bit .
Thanks for you kind words . actually Ive been through a tough time ( would have been in tears about it all 6 months ago ) But really feeling much stronger now ! Its been a real learning experience . Sort of coming out the other side ..... improved confidence etc ....
Although wonder if Ive gone a bit too far putting my life on here ..LOL

AGREE thats a huge part of it ....I worked in a similar job in the same place to the one I am now applying for ..... Its to do with Wanting to give that same level of commitment ....without slipping into a way of bringing up your child which you never would have chosen ..if circumstances were different .

annieshaf Sun 26-Oct-08 23:33:13

It is a tough one isn't it, but with a bit of luck your reputation will precede you especially as you have worked there before.

In practice you will find that if your child is ill you will want to be at home with them and the issue then becomes one of making sure you dont put too much pressure on your colleages rather than alternative childcare. Most people will accept a certain level of inconvenience provided that you give the same consideration to others when they are in a similar situation. Maybe you could think of a couple of ideas along these lines for your interview if you want to demonstrate your continued commitment. ie how could you minimise the effect of you not being there temporarily by compensating in other ways when you are.

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