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Can you just come and give me the "it will be ok when you go back and your baby will not be damaged" pep talk please? I'm struggling...

(16 Posts)
beansprout Sun 26-Oct-08 20:43:00

I go back (part time) in 3 weeks and ds2 will be 9 months. We have had a lovely time and it's gone really quickly. At the moment I just keep holding him and wondering just how I am going to leave him with someone I don't really know (local CM). We co-sleep and use a sling a lot and it feels like a physical wrench.

The worst bit is not being able to explain it to him and just feeling he is going to find himself somewhere else... sad
I'm starting to torment myself - help!

foxinsocks Sun 26-Oct-08 20:45:01

how part time is part time?

you'll be fine, honest. It'll be a wrench, you'll have some bad days but you'll also have some good days and as time goes on, you'll get more good days and you'll appreciate the time you spend with him SO much more!

motherinferior Sun 26-Oct-08 20:45:38

Darling,
You will be
(a) fine
(b) sane
(c) happy.

Both of you. You like your job and you're good at it, and I bet you a fiver that within a week you're enjoying flexing those bits of Beansproutliness that have been put on hold for maternity leave. Seriously.

MrsMopple Sun 26-Oct-08 20:47:12

My ds went into full time nursery at 9 months and he was fine. And so was I. Expect to feel a bit bereft for a few weeks, then enjoy being beansprout again as MI says

Lizzylou Sun 26-Oct-08 20:47:21

You will both be fine and happy.
And you can have hot cups of coffee/tea.
I love working!

beansprout Sun 26-Oct-08 20:49:46

Thanks everyone. I keep telling myself that the CM will just be another adult in his life along with family, friends etc. And yes, I do like hot coffee and talking to grown ups but it's such a bloody wrench....

harpsichordcarrier Sun 26-Oct-08 20:50:57

ah much sympathy
it is hard, the separation, and I was surprised at how physical it was, like actual pain
if you want my honest advice:
try not to think about it
concentrate on the time you spend together
if it hurts, think "this is a transition" and remind yourself it will get better
only talk about how hard it is with a very select group of people, people who can be relied upon to say completely arseholey things

PortofinoPumpkin Sun 26-Oct-08 20:53:36

It IS hard to start with. I remember all the other mothers at the creche the first day when I was sobbing uncontrollably. They just gave me a hug and told me that it DOES get easier. Going back to work is a shock but it so nice to be back in adult company after months at home with a small baby. You will be fine! As will Ds!

findtheriver Sun 26-Oct-08 20:57:40

what motherinferior says - spot on!

And yes, you're absolutely correct, the CM will be another adult in his life, not a replacement, or a substitute. From the moment they are born, our children are working their way towards becoming independent. Part of growing and living is forming relationships. It is all part of normal human experience. In years gone by, babies would have been passed around and looked after by all sorts of other people - the concept of the mother doing the parenting all the time would have been alien.

he will be fine, you will be fine.

Try to see it not as losing anything, because you're not, but keeping all the nice things about being a mummy PLUS having the bonus of a job you like AND more money. Win win!

darkpunk Sun 26-Oct-08 20:59:54

everything will be fine smile

you will both benefit...honestly.

beansprout Sun 26-Oct-08 21:10:40

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I suspect that just not thinking about it all too much is probably the best strategy! Ds1 survived and I'm sure ds2 will too. Here's to 17th November then!! wink

Judy1234 Mon 27-Oct-08 11:32:34

I went back at 2 weeks and if you look at my 24/21/20 year olds you can't see any differences between them and those whose mothers stayed at home for 5 years (except I can afford to support them at university which does matter when they're that age!).

cuttingmeownthroatdibblaaaargh Mon 27-Oct-08 15:16:25

It'll be fine - honest. For me its lovely that DS has more adults in his life that he has a very close relationship with.

And I think that starting back before they are a year old is great as they find it much easier to settle.

dsrplus8 Tue 28-Oct-08 14:16:00

went back 2 work part time,3 weeks after son was born , he was fine ,was ex who couldnt cope with it.

anniemac Tue 28-Oct-08 14:46:56

Message withdrawn

Spero Tue 28-Oct-08 14:56:53

If it helps, my dd went to full time nursery at 7 months old. She is now 3.5 and seems absolutely fine. She enjoyed time with her friends and loved all the activities which I would not have had the time or patience for. We have a great relationship, she is very attached to me and i can't see any signs of emotional damage at the moment!

you may feel awful, and you've every right to feel sad about it, but you mustn't beat yourself up that your child will suffer because i don't think that is the case at all. In fact, I think you've got the ideal scenario; i would love to work part time as i think that is an excellent balance between providing necessary adult stimulation and still spending a lot of time with children while they are little.

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