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full time are you coping???

(10 Posts)
musicalamy Sat 04-Oct-08 16:18:27

I've been back at work FULL TIME since september. I have a husband, who works all week and weekends. Doesn't do much housework!! I'm am half coping but feel very hard done by and the only woman in the world who works and has a 11 month baby. All my friends have gone back part time - I'm V.V jealous. Had a complete break down yesterday because i was tired and my cleaner didn;t turn up AGAIN and had damp proof done in house so very dusty AGGHHH. Does anyone else want a general moan???

stayinbed Sat 04-Oct-08 16:21:10

you are not the only woman in the world. make sure you have solid help it makes a huge difference, even if you get a cleaner to stay an extra hour or come an extra day and do your cooking or ironing or anything else to make your load easier, it really makes a huge difference.

findtheriver Sat 04-Oct-08 16:27:11

Sounds like you're having a bad day. Do you need a more reliable cleaner? Nothing worse than expecting them to turn up and then being let down.

You are definitely NOT the only woman to work full time - loads do! And it isnt always a case of the grass being greener. You may feel your friends have the easy option but in terms of work life you are probably going to move on quicker than them. I worked part time when my kids were younger and there are downsides - you can feel a bit out of the loop, and not as involved - it's swings and roundabouts.

You say you returned to work in Sept, so it's early days, and also if your child is 11 months old you obviously had a long maternity leave at home so I think you need to look at the plusses not the minuses. When I had my first baby most people returned after 3/4 months, and the maximum maternity leave was 6 months (with half unpaid!!) so you havent done badly. I'm not being unsympathetic because it IS hard adjusting to a new routine, but there are plenty or women in your situation, and tbh with recession looming, probably plenty who would give their right arm to have both parents in fulltime employment.

flamingnora Sat 04-Oct-08 16:30:08

HI there
You are NOT alone! I work VERY full time (at my desk for 7.30am, leave at 5.30pm most days) and have an 8 month old DD.DP also works full time but has a much less intense job so is able to pick up the slack during the week around nursery drop-offs and collections. No point me dwelling on the reasons I work so hard but suffice it to say that I am the main bread winner in the family. I'd LOVE a general moan because I am always knackered!

CaptainJaneway Sat 04-Oct-08 16:59:35

You need to get your husband to pull his weight, it's his house and child too, it's not all your responsibility. And get a new cleaner if this one is unreliable, you can't deal with that on top of everything else.

Judy1234 Sat 04-Oct-08 17:42:31

I've 5 children and have always worked full time for 25 years. (OLdest is 24, twins are 9).

The secret is to marry someone who will see children as much his responsiblity for yours and never for one second in the entirtey of the marriage allow a single elemetn ot sexism to creep in. Always ensure things are 50/50 and fair.

For example finding and hrigin and keeping and payihg a cleaner isn't a woman;s job. Ask him to find a new cleaner, pay her and deal with her. That iwll take you a 5 minute conversation with him to arrange and then you just delegate the whole thing to him.

carrielou2007 Sun 05-Oct-08 22:20:08

Know how you feel, all my friends who had their children at the same time as me have husbands (I am a single mum) and none have returned to wok. I am very very envious of them. It is very very hard being back at work. I love my job and am very lucky to have a carear that means we can function with no finacial help from her dad but when I just want to be with my girl it is very hard to cope with.

If you feel you and your husband can not manage and need a cleaner then like everything else, you get what you pay for, get a good cleaner and pay them well and then you can relax on that front. If you are both out at work in the day, your house won't get that dirty if you clean one room each day and each bathroom every day and put the washing machine on every day you should easily be able to keep on top of everything.

It does get easier, I thought I was going to go mad, not having any sleep, broken nights breastfeeding and expressing in the day but my dd slept through at 11 months and I felt human again. It is hard but it really does get better!!

trixymalixy Mon 06-Oct-08 12:58:19

Can you get a different cleaner through an agency, that way you will always get a cleaner as the agency will rpovide a replacement if your cleaner can't make it although it does cost a bit more.

having building work done is a nightmare even when you don't have DC. If that's the work finished then hopefully you can start to get back to normal.

It does get so much easier once your DC get older. Once my DS was 18 months I was so much less tired and felt back to normal.

funkypumkin Mon 06-Oct-08 13:25:03

No advice but I sympathise, came back to work on Thur and spent all weekend doing chores. DD2 still waking in the night and now has a cold and isn't settling well at childminders. It's a nightmare.

rookiemater Mon 06-Oct-08 15:54:25

I'm not f/t but am 4 days a week so can hopefully empathise. Its very early days back for you so hopefully you will settle into a routine soon.

Is your cleaner through an agency, as trixy asked ? If not get rid of her and go for an agency, more expensive but very worth it. I have a cleaner 3 hours a week and she also does a bit of ironing. In between, cleaning wise I do very little. If I worked f/t I'd try to get someone twice a week as my day off makes it a bit easier to fit in shopping and the odd bit of hoovering.

Don't go to the supermarket, do online shopping.

Give yourself to review the situation after 6 months. It doesn't matter if there are lots of Mums managing to work f/t successfully, if its making you miserable then its not for you and if after 6 months you feel the same then its time to start thinking if you can change the situation.

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