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I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!! Been at home for 8.5 months. HELP!

(9 Posts)
lilimama Mon 22-Sep-08 10:09:41

I want to go back to work.
I want to get fit.
I want to be able to take a shower without listening to the full pitch screams of a dynamic baby in "playpen resistance mode".
I want to enlist his wonderful childminder 3 days a week instead of 1. (He's with grandad 1 day a week too).
That would mean he's in childcare (which he seems to love) 4 days a week. Is it too much?

I feel like I have to get out of the house and have my own life.

I used to have a thriving business of my own, in the fitness industry. I happily let it go to concentrate on my surprise pregnancy and motherhood. Now I'm fat,tired and lacking horizons and watch my partner go out the door to his work, colleagues, a life of perspective. I want mine back.

Things are out of balance. My partner earns the money and I feel disempowered if I spend it on a haircut. I'm just so used to using my own cash. Feels really awful.

I woke up this morning after the customary very broken sleep (he's never slept more than 5 hours straight since birth, we have tried everything, absolutely every book, every craniosacral whatever).

He's 8.5 months and very very active and i just feel I can't do it anymore, full time like this.

Am I supposed to be able to?

Am I wrong to want my life back? 4 days a week? Will it be harmful to him to not be with mummy ?

Mums please share your experiences. this is only going downhill. can't stop total emotional state.
Have hit the wall.

(P.S Sorry for cross posting on another section, realised I posted on wrong section earlier then found this one)

Peachy Mon 22-Sep-08 10:12:10

'Am I wrong to want my life back? 4 days a week'

nope. we're all duifferent. you must do what works for your family.

go start looking a childcare, see how you feel then.

and welcome to the guilt known as parenting grin

TheUNITUBER Mon 22-Sep-08 10:15:33

I believe strongly that as long as childcare is of good quality then that's fine.

I should disclose that I put my daughter in nursery full time at 7mo old. The nursery actually didn't work out that well (they suddenly had quite a lot of staff turnover which was unsettling) so now she has a nanny, but I still work full time.

I also think it is good for a child to be loved and cared for by lots of different people, if only because it teaches the child to trust people other than mummy.

Of course you are not wrong to want your life back. Some people are perfectly happy looking after their children all day. Some of us need different sorts of stimulation. I would have gone crazy several times over in the past year and a half had I stayed at home.

The only thing I would say is that if you sleep is very broken it might be hard to cope with a full day of work. Try to get the sleep sorted if you can.

lilimama Mon 22-Sep-08 10:20:22

Thanks very much for your helpful comments.
Peachy... yes the guilt...it never stops then?

TheUnituber... the childminder only ever has two much older kids at her house and is really really good. I sort of think of her like a nanny therefore, or at least a grandma. I've avoided nurseries for the reason that you outline...high turnover etc.

Re the sleep issue though... on the days that I do work with clients I find it far less tiring than a day with DS1 (like 10 x less tiring, infact it gives me energy).

Anyone else? this is very very helpful.

Many thanks

rubyloopy Mon 22-Sep-08 13:42:47

Message withdrawn

Peachy Mon 22-Sep-08 13:46:30

Remember as well that its reversible- if you hate working give up and stop!

I think I felt like you with ds1, went very part time with ds2, year off then uni with ds3 - and now with ds4 i shall only go back when I have to

there's never a right or wrong in this debate- every family to their own

indiechick Mon 22-Sep-08 13:49:00

Sympathise completely with how you (and others) are feeling. I'm back at work next week after 6 months off and I'm really looking forward to it.

indiechick Mon 22-Sep-08 13:49:01

Sympathise completely with how you (and others) are feeling. I'm back at work next week after 6 months off and I'm really looking forward to it.

katycaterpiller Mon 22-Sep-08 16:35:04

My 20 month old baby started nursery full time (8-6pm, 5 days) at 4.5 months and loves it. We have 1.5 hours in the morning and 2 hours in the evening together - entirely devoted to him, albeit play, tea, bath, book, bed in evening. Sometimes I take a day off work while he's in nursery and go to pool/cinema. His bonus is that he gets a happier mum for the weekend. He is happy and thriving and seems to love his parents in spite of it all. I live abroad - we get 5 months maternity leave, 2 months before the birth. Not great for breast feeding for six months (expressing at work is awful) but good for keeping your life on track (if you're not the SAHM type), unlike a year of maternity leave in UK, which all my friends are taking, and I would if I was there. Actually I think I'd have taken it only if I could have afforded child care as well as being on Mat leave

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