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I know I've made a big mistake.... very tearful and not coping at all....(8 Posts)
To cut a long story short I have returned to teaching after a 2 year break. I was so enthusiastic and happy about getting the job, it's part time and although not in my subject, I was happy to kinda muddle along learning as go. 2 1/2 weeks in.... confidence gone, tearful, nervous etc.. etc.. I feel like a little girl completely out of depth and all these teachers know what they are doing and what they are talking about and I have not got a clue. All the time I have to teach a subject I feel inadequate to teach and deal with rude, stroppy students. I can't deal with the unpleasantness at all. I find myself reacting like a mum rather than a teacher .... they, the other staff, all seem so together and I feel that they think I am this flakey, weeping woman who can't cope. Actually they would be right!! Not sure why I am posting this.. just had to let off steam. I've taught for over 16 years and never felt like this ever. My kids are all school age and I'm lucky to be going to work because I love teaching, not for the money. I just feel so out of my depth and am worried how i will be perceived if I ask for help... I'm sure I will just start crying.... Oh God, why did I go back????? I'm dreading tomorrow...
You're only a couple of weeks in and it sounds like you're being quite hard on yourself. I'm not a teacher but I am a working Mum and I know that going back to work after a break is tough. You have to update your knowledge and get back into it. You have it particularly hard as you're not teaching your subject.
Maybe you could give it a while and believe in yourself - or keep your eyes open for opportunities in the subject you used to teach.
I agree with clarinsgirl. I found it very very hard when I went back to work after one long break (several years actually, as I was quite ill.) I was in a new team doing completely new work and I was in tears in the loo a few times. I just said to myself, "Look, if you feel like this on Friday then you can hand your notice in, just keep going for now" and at some point in time, I didn't have to reassure myself that I was only 1 month's notice away from not having to be there any more. Of course, they wouldn't have wanted me to leave anyway, they would have given me extra support. Is there someone there who can mentor you? Someone I know changed schools to one where the kids really wanted to learn. Would changing schools once you're up and running, perhaps at the end of this school year be an option?
Fluxy3 I know exactly what you mean and there is another very similar thread at the moment with very good advice which will hopefully make you feel better - it will get easier and you will feel better as time goes on but it is hard for now. Just think you were good enough to get the job the head thinks that you are up to the job and belives in you and knows you have had a break. You have to try to be calm and face one day at a time. You were successful at this for 16 years you will get back there after a bit of time. Don't cry hold your head up high - you can do it girl!! You have managed to bring up three children and have a greater wisdom than you ever had before which will make you a better teacher.
As for the staff, it is always so hard to break your way in to an established group - I can imagine walking into a staff room is horrible. I bet though after a few more weeks you will bne in there just persist and other people will drop their guard. Good luck I really wish you the best. I am back to work in six weeks to a job where I feel totally inept and even worse since mummy brain makr 2 set in (no offence intended!) x
Thank you all for your kind messages of support!
I have had a good think, calmed down and started to feel more confident in myself. It helped by chatting to more people and speaking to my HOD.
I can do this and I know it will get better. I can be too tough on myself at times and should learn to walk before I can run!!! It just gets so hard at times...
Thank you all once again!
Hooray Fluxy3!! You are an inspiration to us all xxx
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