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I need a virtual hug, come and tell me this gets easier

(13 Posts)
wonderstuff Tue 02-Sep-08 08:30:04

I just dropped dd off at nursery for her first full day, left her sitting at breakfast table looking lost, fighting the urge to phone work say its all a mistake I can't come back after all and run back and get her.
I've been looking forward to going back, its only 3 days a week (i know i'm lucky) but I feel like I've lost a part of my heart, I miss her so much and I only left her 15 mins ago. Dh will be dropping her off in future, so maybe that will make it easier, of course he did going back to work when she was 2 weeks so it isn't the same for him. I have left her with mil before to do a couple of days last term and that was fine. I think because I know i will be doing longer days now and because its the end of an era really I feel so sad and soo lost. Just wanted to share, sat here sobbing, need to get it together and sort out house, not going in till later today as term doesn't start till tomorrow. I didn't think it would be this hard sad

shinyhappypeople Tue 02-Sep-08 09:42:35

Hi, it sounds like you work in education, I went back to work in FE in june 3 days a week but have had most of the summer off, I went back yesterday for the new term and like you missed dd. I have got a couple of nice pics above my desk of her and when all the students came in it was chaos, I didnt forget about her, but didnt miss her as much when I was run off my feet. Hope it all goes well.

CoffeeAndCarrotCake Tue 02-Sep-08 11:23:47

It's horrid isn't it? I think you have good and bad days - I was fine for the first month, but this morning, when DD was reaching for her daddy instead of me, I felt so gutted that it's not me spending most time with her any more.

BUT, nomatter how hard it is, I remind myself that:

(1) she is happy, whether with me, or her daddy or nursery or her au pair (who has arrived and is great by the way for those of you who were involved in that chapter!!!), she is happy and learning lots and playing lots, and laughing lots, and that is absolutely the most important thing;

(2) however much I'd like to stay at home with her, the Bank would also like the mortgage repaid. The bank wins out on this one.

(3) Staying at home with her now would be lovely, but once she starts school, I'd want something more for myself than staying at home waiting for her to finish (JUST MY OPINION FOR MYSELF - NOT SAYING OTHERS WOULDN'T HAVE LOADS MORE TO FILL THEIR DAYS THAN SITTING WAITING LOOKING AT THE DOOR). I need to keep my career alive now if I want to rely on it in the future.

(4) It WILL get easier!!!

(5) If (4) fails, have another DC and get another whole year at home!! )

Good luck with it Wonderstuff x x x

zwiggy Tue 02-Sep-08 11:27:11

oh poor you. How old is your dc? Mine is nearly 7 months and I will have to go back to work soon and dreading it

findtheriver Tue 02-Sep-08 14:34:02

Coffeeandcarrotcake sums it up really well. Your heart feels one thing, but your head tells you all the reasons why actually you're doing very well by your daughter. Losing the roof from over your head and not having food on the table isnt going to do her any good. Nor is having a bored and frustrated mother in 5/10 years time. 3 days work sounds like the perfect balance - you still have 4 days home per week!And it really will get easier - before long she'll be running into nursery desperate to get stuck in. And then you'll feel bad about her NOT missing you!

wonderstuff Tue 02-Sep-08 16:14:18

Thanks guys, just got back from work, she's in till 6 but I may go pick her up in a bit.
So glad your au pair is working out coffeeandcarrotcake, I remember the thread! You are absolutly right, I am currently in a 1 bed flat and we really need to get a bigger place, so have to go to work, need to enjoy doing 3 days because likely that will have to go up to 4 next year. I have seriously considered (5) btw, in moments of dispare I think, its not forever, I'll have another one in a couple of years!! Shinyhappypeople I'm in secondary and last year did a few weeks while dd was with granny and it was much easier, cos with the kids there it went soo quick! Plus I didn't have much planning to do so I could scoot off at 3, this year i won't be so lucky!! Good idea about the pics though, must get some for my desk.
I'm sure it will get easier, she just seems to be growing up way too fast for my liking grin

DrNortherner Tue 02-Sep-08 16:17:44

wonderstuff it does get easier. I remember going back to work and leaving ds at nursery, sometimes, I'd get an urge to run from work and get him just cause I wanted to smell his head or something silly!

He is now 6 years old and it is a doddle smile

wonderstuff Tue 02-Sep-08 16:36:08

I had that urge this morning DN! That was 10mins after I dropped her off, and I have been going on about looking forward to going back for weeks!

kuta Tue 02-Sep-08 16:39:34


i'm going back tomorrow for the first time (3 days a week). my dd is 8 months. she was in nursery round the corner for the last months cause i was studing for the exam, but i was at home and could always pick her up when got sick of books. and it was only short days, again just 3 days a it's for real, i'll be on the other side of london and won't see her for the whole day!might even miss the bathtime sometimes...

but as CoffeeAndCarrotCake pointed out, there are so many reasons to go back. for me mainly - i love my job. some might think it's selfish...

it is an end of an era, i had great time on maternity leave and i can't wait to have more babies. but i think i'm about to have a reality check - looking after little one and working won't be a holiday! and i do hope i won't burst into tears when i get on the tube tomorrow! or even worse - have a mentown at work.

and wonderstuff -the whole nursery thing gets so much easier in a few days. they love company of other kids and you suddenly realised she was sooo bored with you at home!

best of luck!

OneLieIn Tue 02-Sep-08 16:43:33

Wonderstuff, it does get easier. I know I remember the need to see my DS and just smell him - it wasn't a need, more a craving, a real urge. I still want to do that, but he's at school now and it would be embarrassing at the least (but ever so funny).

For you, honestly she will be fine. She will enjoy and love the company of other kids to play with and she will grow into a confident girl. I agree absolutely with everything Carrotcake said!

wonderstuff Tue 02-Sep-08 16:48:17

LOL at you turning up at school to smeel your ds OLI grin going to go get her in a minute, my boobs are like rocks!

wonderstuff Tue 02-Sep-08 18:12:59

She is home, she had a lovely day, she did fight sleep and only had a 45min nap. When she saw me her little face lit up and she waved her hands about like it was the most exciting thing in the world grin she clapped all the way home and she smells lovely, god i love her soo much. She had a feed when she got home and was fast asleep in minutes bless (though won't be saying this at bedtime when she is wide awake - note to self hold off feeding when getting home next time)
Nothing better in the world than holding them tight and sniffing there heads is there, bliss is cuddling your child at the end of the day wink

kuta Tue 02-Sep-08 18:54:17

lucky you! my dd loves nursery so much that she couldn't care less when i come to get her. i guess i should be happy, at least there is no tears...

my last day of maternity leave is officialy over too. all finised with a bang - a monumental poo that went everywhere. joys of teething...

its our second wedding anniversary and now we're oing to sit down with a bottle of bubbly and a takeway. couldn't even find a sitter to go out for dinner!

best of luck for tomorrow!

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