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i'll get flamed but why are stay home mothers so smug?

(317 Posts)
wombleprincess Fri 29-Aug-08 10:47:07

this is not a thread about the pros and cons of working/not working, i just wonder if anyone finds that stay at home mothers are really smug about the choice they've made? or is it just my experience? cant they just live and let live? I dont judge them, but they seem to be very judgemental about working mothers.

anyway, a friday topic for anyone at work trying to get through the day perhaps!!

foxytocin Fri 29-Aug-08 10:48:59

can't you just live and let live yourself? for me even considering this issue shows that you aren't as you hope sahm's should.

btw, I work full time.

hercules1 Fri 29-Aug-08 10:49:06

I've never found that in real life. I think there are a handful of people on mumsnet who are very anti mothers working outside the home but I dont think they are smug particularly.

JHKE Fri 29-Aug-08 10:50:22

But haven't you just made a judgement about SAHM?

hecate Fri 29-Aug-08 10:51:07

For the same reason that WOHM are cold and uncaring about their children.

Oh whoops, hang on, wait a minute. No they're not, that's just a judgypants stereotype.......

Pannacotta Fri 29-Aug-08 10:51:23

You don't judge them you say, are you sure about that?

hercules1 Fri 29-Aug-08 10:52:27

Yes, I dont judge them but...

morningpaper Fri 29-Aug-08 10:52:32

I am happy for any smug aquaintances

I think you are allowed a certain amount of smugness if you are sure you have made the right choice, particularly if it involves some personal sacrifice

whatever your choice may be

the only problem with smugness is how it may make you doubt your own choices I think

CashmereKate Fri 29-Aug-08 10:53:27

"I dont judge them".


Er, I think you'll find you just started a whole thread judging sahms.

LilRedWG Fri 29-Aug-08 10:54:16


Knackered, exhausted, emotional wreck - yep I'm all of those - as are most mothers IME, but smug - nah!

wombleprincess Fri 29-Aug-08 10:54:58

re foxytocin.. well i try to l&ll ... but after saying to new neighbour (sahm) this mornng that it was nice she could go to bumps and babies in the village every monday she went on a monologue about the usual issues re development etc, and it just sort of struck me, sorry perhaps you are right will need to go to confession now....

fishie Fri 29-Aug-08 10:55:34

are you not entirely confident about your choices then wombleprincess?

RubySlippers Fri 29-Aug-08 10:56:35

have never come across this in real life

the mums i know are just doing the very best they can

foxytocin Fri 29-Aug-08 10:59:37

maybe she was just feeling garrulous this morning or it is her PFB. cut her some slack.

day nursery care has been fantastic for dd. She has learnt and done so much that I would never be able to provide for her. It is horses for courses. I work FT out of necessity and would love at least an extra day with her but I couldn't do full time. there are somethings I would fail miserably at if I were a FT SAHM. I know that and don't feel a failure for it.

lisad123 Fri 29-Aug-08 10:59:51

In RL no SAHM i know are mug, although i often get, "i dont think i could leave my LO". In MN world, yeah some are, but who cares they are faceless people on the internet.
Worry more about your decision and stop worying bout what others think. We all do the best we can for our family, and no family is ever the same.

wasabipeanut Fri 29-Aug-08 10:59:55

I hope you've got your tin hat on Missy.....

LilRedWG Fri 29-Aug-08 10:59:57

Womble - are you feeling guilty about your choices? If so, dont!

Every person I know does the best by their child - for some that is being at home and for some it is going to work. At the end of the day each choice hasits pro's and con's.

HelloBeastie Fri 29-Aug-08 11:02:26

Well, I am smug because I know I've made the best choice for my daughter, as I waft around my beautiful, sparkling home, in my Boden dress, baking delicious treats and crafting eductional experiences for DD. Why, she's going to be so more advanced, educationally, emotionally and spiritually, than the neglected kids of those WOHMs...

Alternatively, maybe I'm not smug, the house is a tip, DD's eating Shredded Wheat off the floor, and I'm wearing trackie bottoms and MN'ing when I should be hoovering...

You decide


Pannacotta Fri 29-Aug-08 11:05:30

LOL Beastie, glad it's not just me!

wombleprincess Fri 29-Aug-08 11:06:03

wasabipeanut.. cool name althought you have made me feel hungry... still one hour till i can justify lunch. at least i will have provided some entertainment in the run up.

i dont feel guilty about my choices... i am a bit of a closet feminist TBH and think that the fact we have much more choice now than any generation before us is very positive, and wish we could stop being so judgemental (yes myself clearly included!! (blush) ) about what other people choose to do.. every one is just trying to do their best.

LilRedWG Fri 29-Aug-08 11:06:20

LOL Beastie - that is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo true!

Figment Fri 29-Aug-08 11:10:06

I work part-time - 3 days per week.

Ummm yup thats all I have to say on this subject... Oh apart from:

I detested being a SAHM.


notsoteenagemum Fri 29-Aug-08 11:12:18

I'm with you lilredwg. I've been at since got pg with DD bt only coz I didn't have a job. I think people either expect you to be smug or IME tell you how lucky you are not to have to work.
Youngest starts school on Wed and I've managed to get a job at another school so will have best of both. (That sound smug soz really can't believe luck and feel humble!)
People do what people do.

wasabipeanut Fri 29-Aug-08 11:13:24

I actually don't know any SAHM's so I can't comment on whether or not they're smug- all my Mummy friends in RL work part time as do I.

ElenorRigby Fri 29-Aug-08 11:13:53

Ive not had experience of SAHM's being smug. Hell if thats someones choice thats fine and dandy.
Its not a choice I would make at all. I strongly feel DD is better off developmentally in a nursery environment and she is doing brilliantly.
The 36 hours a week I am doing is a bit much though, 4 nine hour days a week has been taking its toll

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