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What do you think of this working arrangement between DH and myself?

(14 Posts)
twinkleymum Tue 19-Aug-08 12:15:16

I will be returning to work in October working mornings, DD will go to on-site nursery and will be 11mo. DH works varying shifts in a week which means we spend quite a lot of time together at the moment whilst I'm on mat leave.

DH has been offered a change in hours to work 2-9.30pm with occasional night shifts. If he took up this offer it would mean DD wouldn't have to go to nursery at all and we'd save a lot of money.

Do you think this would be better for DD? Do you think this could impact on our relationship (which is good at the moment)? Any opinions/suggestions welcome.

SqueakyPop Tue 19-Aug-08 12:16:27

Would you all be able to have lunch together?

Soapbox Tue 19-Aug-08 12:17:27

How much time would you get as a family over the whole week? If you'd have a couple of full days then I'd go for it!

What happens when DH does a night shift though, when will he sleep?

twinkleymum Tue 19-Aug-08 12:19:59

We could possibly have time for lunch together. Yes DH would be at home at least 2 full days per week on average. If DH had a night shift her will wait for me to come home at 1 before going to bed as he usually only sleeps about 4 hours after a shift. Do you think its better for DD?

twinkleymum Tue 19-Aug-08 12:20:35

he, sorry not her!

SqueakyPop Tue 19-Aug-08 12:22:49

It is certainly good for DD to have her parents as sole carers, and it sounds like you will still have plenty of time together as a family. Sounds ideal.

nooname Tue 19-Aug-08 12:40:50

A couple of thoughts:

It would be great for your dd and dh's relationship to have all that time by themselves.

But on the other hand, my ds has got so much out of nursery (going mornings) and it has been a great balance for him as he has lots of time with me and then has a great time with all the other kids at nursery.

Not much help really but just wanted to say that nursery can be a hugely positive thing for a child, especially if there aren't lots of other children around. I saw it really negatively til ds went and then realised just how much he gets out of it. He does go to a great nursery though!!

cmotdibbler Tue 19-Aug-08 12:56:11

Unless things are really tight, so that the money would make a big difference, I wouldn't do it. I think that you might feel like ships passing in the night as lunch together would be a rush, then your DH would be back too late for dinner together. Neither of you would be able to go out in the evenings (which may or may not be a problem for you).

If your DD has a nursery place, then your DH could always take her late or not at all if he felt like having the time with her.

OrmIrian Tue 19-Aug-08 13:02:08

I wouldn't. For all the reasons already stated.

ruddynorah Tue 19-Aug-08 13:04:39

we sort of do similar. dh works earlies until 3pm. then i work from 4 or 5pm til late. however, dd still goes to nursery 2 afternoons because i do think she gets a lot from it. plus it gives me a break. plus it means i can be a little more flexible with my work start times twice a week which looks good to the boss! the best bit with it all though is that when she starts school there will be no issue with after schhol care/holidays etc.

happyhoney Tue 19-Aug-08 13:51:05

I would do it,lots of time with each parent, extra money, 2 days a week together, lunch together - you could send DC to nursery/pre -school when they are older. Also, if you have more kids - won't need to worry about chilcare costs.grin

twinkleymum Tue 19-Aug-08 16:55:22

Didn't think about the extra childcare costs of more children, thats a good one, as I would like another DC at some point in the not too distant future. I suppose it would mess up our evenings though, not that I go out much (only once since DD born) but its nice to know I could if I wanted.

People just make me feel so guilty about going back to work and putting DD in nursery for mornings that I thought this may be a solution. I do want to go back to work for a bit of brain stimulation and also keep my job open for when DD at school. There are no other children around us so I do want her to mix with other children to develop social skills and also (I'm hoping) by watching other children eat she may decide that she will eat something herself (v.poor feeder)! So nursery would be good in that way, but DH could take her to toddler group if he was looking after her although its only once a week. It's a real dilema for us.

findtheriver Tue 19-Aug-08 17:35:11

It sounds as though the best solution is for you to use a mixture of you and your DH caring for your DD, and nursery some of the time. The fact that some ignorant people have made you feel guilty about putting an 11 month old in nursery is a crap reason for avoiding nursery. Ignore the doom and gloom merchants! The chances are your DD will thrive on the social interaction. I think couples put a lot of stress on themselves if they have shift arrangements and try to manage the whole thing between them - as someone else said, you can end up like ships passing in the night, running yourselves ragged and not having time to just enjoy yourselves and your DD. So in your position, I would use some nursery slots, and then a mixture of you and your DH

twinkleymum Wed 20-Aug-08 12:14:20

After discussing it last night I think we've decided it's not for us after all. DH was working until 8pm last night and was really tired so I think working until 9.30pm regularly will be too tiring, especially as DD still doesn't sleep through the night and gets up at least twice. DH likes to do DDs bath when he gets in from work and I hate it, so working late would mean he wouldn't get to do that any more. I do also think that DD will benefit from going to nursery because she doesn't get to see many different people or other babies as we have no family near us and are quite new to the area. I think this makes a big difference as in the past babies would have been around their extended families, she gets quite bored of just me all the time, its much better when DH is also there.

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