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Started to miss my daughter lots when I am at work. Need a hug or two!

(15 Posts)
PavlovtheCat Mon 18-Aug-08 20:31:59

I have been back at work for over a year, after a long maternity break/sickness due to close bereavement.

DD has been in the same nursery now since she was 8 months old, since before I went back to work. For one day a week. She loves it there. We have had the odd small issue with the nursery over the last 18 months (just under) that DD has been there but all in all its a good nursery, she likes it.

She has been going twice a week for two weeks now, she is happy there, although she is a bit tearful in the mornings, but not too bad.

I am meant to work 32.5 hours compacted into 3.5 days. Luckily I have had quiet time at work, group work has been postponed and for various other reasons I have been pretty much left to my own devices and have been not too worked, can leave a bit early from time to time, go in later so its not been so bad.

Recently, I am having to work harder, much harder than I have since returning. In itself its no bad thing, I am more tired, but I expected that. My job is rewarding. Or should be rewarding. It is a career, its something I have always loved.

But recently I have found myself starting to miss my DD when I am not with her, today I surprised myself. I was running a group and from out of nowhere I just thought of her at nursery, there all day, and I just wanted to run out of the room and go and get her. I didn't of course grin but I wanted to. And i spent all afternoon feeling a bit tearful and wanting to go get her. DH and I went to get her together and we fought over who went in to get her!!!

I am spending time feeling sad that I have to work longer hours than I do, that I spend much of my time at home cleaning, I am starting to feel a bit like I am failing her. I know I am not. She is a happy loving, well adjusted two year old who knows she is loved, we do lots together, and my fear is irrational.

I am not really sure where it is coming from. But I did not want her to go to bed this evening, I wanted her to snuggle with me in bed and watch a DVD.

Feeling sad sad.

bossybritches Mon 18-Aug-08 20:36:26

awwww Pavlov- poor you- no suggestions but I'm sure it'll pass, entirely natural reaction IMHO particularly at times of extra stress due to increased workload. (no matter how much you enjoy your job it's still extra pressure isn't it?)

Could you afford to maybe buy in a bit of extra help, just a few hours a week or sub out the ironing? It can make all the difference.

bossybritches Mon 18-Aug-08 20:37:25

BTW {{{{{{{ as requested }}}}}}}} grin

PavlovtheCat Mon 18-Aug-08 20:39:54

You know, its funny but I said pretty much that this evening to DH! Not the ironing bit. I don't do ironing!!!

But I said, that if it was not possible to drop the half day from my working week, maybe we should get a cleaner in! I was only half joking but he agreed!!!

I don't know though. What do cleaners do? I mean I know they clean, but what tasks, say if we had one for two hours? What can you get them to do, what is a no no?

And is it not just me being lazy and feeling sorry for myself? Lots of people work full time. I try to remind myself how lucky I am. My BIL/SIL have a 6 and 2 yo. They both work 8-6pm in NYC.

PavlovtheCat Mon 18-Aug-08 20:40:42

Thanks bossy!!!

chocolatemummy Mon 18-Aug-08 20:44:12

I have missed my dd the last year especially and agonised about the fact thats she starts sschool this sep and I wont be able to spend my days with her now even if iI could

bamboostalks Mon 18-Aug-08 20:44:49

If you can afford it get a cleaner. No qquestion, my cleaner hoovers, changes the bed, thorough bathrooms, wooden floors, polishes , dusts etc. Total bliss!

bamboostalks Mon 18-Aug-08 20:47:54

I work full time btw and desperately miss dd (18 months), some days more than others. I smother her in kisses when I see her and sometimes nearly cry when I think about her. It is normal, some people compartmentalise better than others and can switch off more. I just embrace my thoughts of her and enjoy them. They remind me how precious she is.

bossybritches Mon 18-Aug-08 20:52:21

Basically get a cleaner to do whatever you hate most & takes up your precious time! It can be a quick flit throught the house, hoovering & surface dusting every week and /or concentrating on specific tasks as & when. ie if MIL is coming to stay a blitz on the bathroom & spare room!!

PavlovtheCat Mon 18-Aug-08 21:05:52

bamboostalks - I have always missed her, but in that nice, be good to see her this evening kind of way. Its a nice missing, like when DH goes away, I miss him but not desperately, enough that I look forward to seeing him but not worrying about him being gone.

I have not had any issues with leaving her at nursery, she loves it, she gets a lot from it. It is good for her to be there. She should be doing two days a week, she needs it, she is active, independent, clever and needs constant attention. I would probably even find it hard to be at home too many days!!!

To be honest, its not just work - I was at Tesco's the other day, and I saw some little girls in their trolleys and I really wanted DD with me. I missed her like mad for a good 20 mins!!! blush.

I thought it was meant to be kids who were clingy at this age, not the parents!!

I will get a cleaner. You have convinced me!

PavlovtheCat Mon 18-Aug-08 21:07:23

chocolatemummy sorry I did not mean to ignore your post! I even got worried about that today, thinking how I want to spend time with her while I can!

bamboostalks Mon 18-Aug-08 21:11:07

Is it time for another baby?

PavlovtheCat Mon 18-Aug-08 21:13:59

bamboo -lol! thats a subject that has come up recently. A lot!

Everytime I see a newborn recently, I gush, and DH says 'nooooo, nooooo, stop it now. I can see that look!' And friends are asking, and I am saying, I do want a baby, but I know you are not ready yet, of course I am not wanting one now. Honestly darling.


But, yes you are right there. I am ready. Youare very intuitive Bamboo - or else you know me grin

bamboostalks Mon 18-Aug-08 21:18:21

I know myself!! Remember, you are never ready and there is no perfect time.

PavlovtheCat Mon 18-Aug-08 21:26:15

Bamboo - I agree, but DH is not convinced yet. That was the good thing about DD, we were almost ready, not quite, one more year, then she came along by accident, and we wondered why on earth we did not see how ready we were, we realised that the timing was perfect and in fact we were more than ready!

No decision, made it all so much easier!!!

Not this time though, I have the implant, which is pretty much 100% pg proof! So any decision has to be an actual one, not an absence of one, iyswim.

But, for now. I cannot realistically reduce my hours, but we can probably afford a cleaner.

I shall do another thread to help me with task priorities, who do get to do it, prices etc...!!!

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