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going back to work and full of doubts, anyone with an advice

(7 Posts)
NatLex Mon 11-Aug-08 06:52:57

Hello ladies
My son is 13 months old and I am seriously thinking about going back to work. We need the money and I need my sanity back. I also would like to get my career back on track, but most days I am filled with doubts about how it will even work.
Some mornings, it is difficult to get ready never mind going to work for a full day. I am also torn about whether I should reconsider and just put my career on hold until my son is older?
I feel very sad about having to give up so many things and up until now have refused to even consider to compromise my career, but should I?
Is there anyone out their with an advice for me please. Shall I go into it confidently thinking I CAN do it, or shall I just admit that working with a child is just not realistic. Some days I think there is nothing to worry about and other days I think I must be mad thinking it will work at all. AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh need help and advice.
Is there anyone out there working full-time and finding it better than expected? Is it even possible?
Please help
Thank you

NatLex Mon 11-Aug-08 08:05:48

My life seems to be one neverending nightmare since my son was born I thought it was all going to be happy, happy, but it couldn't have turned out more different. Feel like have given up everything and now might have to sacrifice my career too. I don't want to be a SATHM, but feel like going back to work might be a nightmare too. Just don't know what to do, one thing if for sure, I am not happy with anything and seem to be stuck.
I guess I just need for someone to tell me that it gets easier and better, does it? Noone has said that so far, everyone says it doesn't get better ever from now on, which I just can't cope with. Previously, very strong, optimistic, 'can do anything' attitude woman, I am now crumbling and don't know where it is all gone.
What can I do to make it all manageable and have some happy experience for once instead of just surviving and hoping for the best.
Thanks for listening to me going on, which people find difficult, as I am always doing it, that is because I am not at PEACE and searching for a way to make things better for everyone.

DaisyBuchanon Mon 11-Aug-08 08:33:37

I think the only thing you can do is give it a go - and make sure you have childcare that you feel completely happy with. If you know your DS is well looked after, you'll be able to relax and acually enjoy your job. It's all a question of routines - once you have your "getting out of the house in the mornings" routine sussed, it won't be a problem.

Working with a child is realistic - the majority of people manage it - and there is no reason why your case will be an exception. That's not to say it's easy - but it is do-able. It sounds to me that you've lost your self-confidence, which any long period out of work will do, but equally that confidence will come flooding back once you're out there.

Maybe if you gave yourself a trial period of say 6 months at work and then have a rethink to see how you're feeling?

Gateau Mon 11-Aug-08 09:43:46

Try not to worry so much. It is do-able. Mind you, I don't have experience of full-time work, just part-time.
A bit like you, when I first had my baby, I could NEVER have envisaged getting out of the house in the morning, never mind for work. Mind you, I have a very supportive DH who gets our DS ready and out of the house on those days I work. I don't take much to do with it because I have to leave the house at 7am. All I do is leave DS's clothes out and pack his bag the night before.
YOu just need to be organised (not REALLY REALLY scarily so - I could never be like that, just a bit more than usual). The key for us is getting the house into a semi-reasonable state the night before, leaving us to basically just GET OUT OF THE HOUSE in the mornings. Our standards re housework have just had to drop durig the three days I work, but I try to make up for this on the days I'm off.
Like the previous poster, it definately is worth giving it a try. Have you considered part-time work?

rookiemater Mon 11-Aug-08 09:51:21

Natlex, I know what you mean about the getting ready. It is 9.45am and I am on my day off and DS is still in his jim jams and the breakfast dishes are still sitting on the table. Of course if I didn't have a time consuming mumsnet habit I might have more time grin

Miraculously though on the 4 days I work we manage to get out of the house at the time we need to and get through the day.

I can't pretend it isn't hard work. I remember when I was on mat leave I was never stressed which I am now, but I was bored and quite often I was miserable.

I do 4 days a week. Sometimes it is great, and I love being a Mum and going to work, sometimes it sucks. However upside is that DS has a fab childminder and he loves going there, we as a family have some extra money and I get to dress up in semi reasonable clothes and interact with (so-called) adults some of the time.

You appear to have made work a bit all or nothing as in full time or nothing, career is all important to you. The biggest change to me now I am a parent is to discover that life is mainly about compromise and finding some split between work and home that works for you and your family.

Agree with Daisy, the only way you know is if you give it a go,and even then say it didn't work out it doesn't mean you are a failure or your career is shot, it just means you need to find a different way of doing things.

Good luck

cmotdibbler Mon 11-Aug-08 10:07:53

I work FT, although I went back when DS was 4.5 months so never settled into a not working pattern. And you know what ? Its fine. I love my work, and much as I love DS, I just couldn't spend all day, every day with him (and my job doesn't work part time).

Find a nursery you like, and give it a whirl - our level of organisation is making sure we have breakfast, everything else happens in the morning unless someone has to be out ultra early. We do have a cleaner and low household standards which helps us not to get stressed.

NatLex Thu 14-Aug-08 08:57:01

Thank you ladies for your very helpful tips and sharing your experiences.
Yes, I totally agree that I won't know if it is all managable unless I try. Will take one day at a time and review it in 6 months.
My job doesn't work part-time, so it will have to be full-time. I am a very very organised person, so that should come in handy (it has done up until now). My son has been going to nursery part-time for about 3 months now, which I decided to do, to get him into it gently before I go to work full-time. He does like it there, but have to do a couple of trial runs for full days, which I worry about.
My husband is also brilliant with flexi hours at work, so he suggested he would pick up Lex from nursery every night and give him tea and also have a Friday off, so he has time to spend with Lex and he is not in nursery the whole week.
Giving it a go, yes! It might go either way, but if I don't try I won't know. Got an interview next week, so fingers crossed.
Many thanks again to all of you.

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