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(11 Posts)
Clarinet60 Mon 16-Dec-02 23:17:10

When my 2 go to the childminder (only 1-2 days/week), I have panicky feelings. I worry that I'm never going to see them again. It's so bad that I don't sleep the night before.
Am I the only one?

clucks Mon 16-Dec-02 23:54:44

I am often scared for my child and family. I am generally too embarrassed to confess to my fears, but suffer sleepless nights panicking about abductions and other terrible things.

I have wondered if this is a sign of depression as I've suffered pnd. Another mum confessed to me about her fears thinking I would be level-headed enough to offer advice. I couldn't and just sympathise. Must add here that my depression went untreated for quite a while, think I'm better now but still get scarey thoughts. It could also be that we are worriers by nature. Great company, eh.

Alibubbles Tue 17-Dec-02 09:36:54

Droile, I feel for you even though I have never left my children with anyone as I think you know I have always worked from home as a nanny or childminder. I can't imagine what it must feel like and I am amazed at how people manage to do it.

I do feel very priviledged that people leave their very young babies with me, some as young as 5 weeks old, but I have had 13 sets of sibling now so i must be doing the right thing.

I worry about mine when they go away with other families, my DD (16)is going to Italy with her best friend and family for Christmas. I know she's in safe hands but it doesn't stop me thinking like you. especially as she also has a nut allergy.

I'm sure that your childminder is a professional and I am sure that you don't doubt her care, but it doesn't make it any easier for you.

Melly Tue 17-Dec-02 13:29:56

Droile, you certainly aren't the only one. I am terrible, always imaging scenarios where some harm is going to come to my precious dd, and I am in the fortunate position of having my auntie, who is also my godmother and to whom I am extremely close to, as dd's registered childminder. I know she is 500% more experienced and capable than me as a mum (she probably has the same amount of experience as Alibubbles) but that doesn't stop me worrying!! I suppose it's the mother hen instinct in us?

Demented Tue 17-Dec-02 16:17:21

I do get similar feelings when I have left DS1 with my parents who live about 30 miles away (DS2 hasn't been left with them yet), I worry about having a car accident as a drive back or when DH and I are out and about without him. The feelings usually subside mind you, especially once I am out enjoying myself. Agree with clucks that it could be PND, especially if the feelings are enough to keep you awake at night, do you have a sympathetic Dr or HV who could talk through your worries with you, even just to put your mind at rest that it is just ordinary motherly worries. Thinking of you.

Clarinet60 Tue 17-Dec-02 23:15:06

Thanks for all your replies. I'll tell the men in white coats to hold off a while longer, then!
Seriously, it could be PND. Trouble is, when I had it with ds1, the symptoms were so very different (apart from the fears). It can be a sneaky, subtle beast, can't it.
Thanks for your post, alibubbles. The childminder is good, but I worry about the kind of accidents that are 'acts of God' and could happen anywhere, but would be particularly awful if they happened while I wasn't there. I worry especially when she takes them in the car. She's a great driver, but I worry about other road users. I also worry about when I take them in the car, but at least I would be there.
I suppose it's partly because we've never had anyone so precious in our lives before, have we. Someone told me that when I had ds2, these feelings would be diluted. They lied!

I'm glad I'm not the only one. These feelings do seem to be worsening, so perhaps I'll mention it to my GP or HV. Trouble is, I seem to be allergic to my surgery at the moment.

Marina Wed 18-Dec-02 13:39:46

Droile, just to say that I have similar nightmare movies replaying in my head every time I leave ds anywhere - with dh, his grandparents, or his extremely secure and well-run nursery. It's normal...but I have found I have these panicky feelings less often as ds has got older.

Lindy Wed 18-Dec-02 20:42:42

Have to say that I am now worried that I DON'T have these feelings - does that make me abnormal? I don't go to work but my DS does go to a childminder one morning a week (to give me a break) & he also goes to the creche at our leisure centre once/twice a week whilst I do aerobics; I also leave him with a babysitter approximately once a week and with friends occasionally (ie: today when I went to the dentist) - I must be honest in that I don't worry a bit - I am pleased to get some time/space on my own! Am I odd?

Clarinet60 Wed 18-Dec-02 23:47:25

Hi Lindy. I'm also thrilled to get some time on my own and do cartwheels. It's just that I have these nightmare scenarios at the same time. I want the impossible, both equally badly: to have them with me at all times safely, and to have some time on my own. Bonkers, isn't it.

Clarinet60 Thu 19-Dec-02 22:10:02

I suppose the crux of it all is that she (minder) takes them to fun places in her car ocassionally. I just worry about the obvious - not her driving, but other road users, and my not being there if something happened.

Crunchie Mon 23-Dec-02 09:48:15

Well I think both sides are normal, My dh is a worrier, he always thinks something will happen to the girls when he is not there. However I am the opposite it doesn't occur to me that things might happen. I do think it is linked to depression as he has a problem with this, but that doesn't mean it's PND as he doesn't suffer from PND! (just regular depression)

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