When should I morally tell work I'm not going back

[TJEckleburg]

Name change just in case any of my old colleagues are lurking.

My AML runs out in April. And I'm not going back to work. I worked in the city and really do not feel that I can "have it all" - if I give my job the full time commitment that my boss expects (and that I would want to give) I would never see my children.

But I've made that decision- wat I need you to tell me is when, morally, I should tell my boss. I worked in quite a small team, and had particular specialist knowledge on one subject, which is getting to be a really big earner for the firm. I have just received my annual bonus, and in conversations then my boss said they couldn't wait for me to get back as they need to get started on the next stage of the project I finished just before I left. I know no one is irreplaceable, but it seems like they are waiting for me to go back before starting. Should I tell them now (and miss out on 4 months worth of holiday pay, medical cover etc.) or should I figure the delay is their own fault for assuming I'm going back?

It's a big company btw - Top 3 Global Investment Bank - so the firm can afford it. And I'm not that happy with the way my team supported (or didn't support) me when I was ill when pregnant.

[FeastofStevenmom]

i think that if you don't want to go back after AML you need to give the same amount of notice as you would if you were resigning ordinarily iyswim. so i would check your contract of employment.

[Mooseofawaterwitch]

Tell them at the last minute and only when you're legally obliged to. It doesn't sound to me as if you owe them anything, quite the reverse.

[pixiefish]

Could you tell your boss 'off the record' so to speak. Tell them that you don't think you'll be returning but will tell them for definete nearer the time

[Mooseofawaterwitch]

Are you thinking of telling them now? instead of when your leave is up in April? Definitely don't in that case! No! Take your entitlement.

[Twiglett]

bugger that .. morally and legally you need to let them know 1 month before your proposed start date (end of AML) .. so do that

lack of support leads to lack of support

[OldieMum]

Check your contract. If someone in my job (university lecturer) resigned within 6 months of returning to work after ML, she would have to repay it in full.

[Mooseofawaterwitch]

The delay is their own fault for making an assumption. They will have considered all angles to this and (maybe, do you know for sure?) decided to wait for other reasons too.

[Mooseofawaterwitch]

Is that what you hoped we'd say?

[mishi1977]

hi i would give the least notice but also double check your organisations policy on non return after ML only because i know with some if u dont return for a certain amount of time then you may have to pay them back any ML that was paid....just to forewarn

[Slinky]

My boss rang me at home a week after DD1s birth -no joke!! to find out if I was coming back. I knew before I even left that I had no intention of coming back to work for that cow.

So I held on until legally I had to reply - much to her annoyance . (Apparently it was very inconvenient for her as she had to arrange for my new replacement etc etc - yeah like I gave a shit!!)

[biglips]

at my work, i have to give them 28 days notice but pls do check on your employment contracts though

[fairycakes]

I could be completely wrong, but I was under the impression that all your benefits would continue as long as they are still paying you maternity pay - ie you would still be entitled to holiday pay that you have not taken as leave as you still accrue it whilst you are on maternity leave - and whenever you hand your notice in, they still have to pay you the full mat pay - so regarding the benefits (unless this is down to individual contracts rather than a general rule) they shouldnt be affected by the date you hand your notice in.

If they are not affected then I would hand it in fairly soon as you dont want to let them down if they are expecting you to return - however if you would lose your benefits, at the end of the day that is more important than pissing off your boss in my opinion, so i would wait and give the amount of notice your rquired to give as stated in your contract.

thats what i would do anyway x

[Twiglett]

totally right .. unless she's gettting over statutory and then the difference will be subject to contractual terms

[Gobbledigook]

Sod morals. Do what's right for you. For all they know, you currently have every intention of going back at this moment in time, but OMG, just as the day draws nearer, you just can't do it!

OR, go back for a few weeks or a month and then leave! That's what I did! Not intentionally I might add although for the month running up to my ML ending I'd be in tears every night at the thought of putting ds1 in nursery. I just went back because I thought I had no choice, once I realised I did, I quit.

Not read the other posts btw so hope noone thinks I'm evil!

[Mooseofawaterwitch]

Fairymum, I'd have thought that as soon as you hand in your notice they can accept it and stop paying you a month or 3 months (depending on your notice period) later and forget the Mat pay and other benefits. TJEckleberg would lose quite a bit in pay and benefits if that was the case. But I'm no expert either!

[Mooseofawaterwitch]

Fairymum, I'd have thought that as soon as you hand in your notice they can accept it and stop paying you a month or 3 months (depending on your notice period) later and forget the Mat pay and other benefits. TJEckleberg would lose quite a bit in pay and benefits if that was the case. But I'm no expert either!

[Mooseofawaterwitch]

Sorry for double post.

[Gobbledigook]

You'd only have to pay back anything they gave you over and above SMP though. You don't have to pay the SMP back at all.

[Mooseofawaterwitch]

Yes GDG but presumably the pay is more than statutory here. I'd expect so anyway.

[TJEckleburg]

Oh my - none of you have any morals at all.

I received quite a generous, well actually v. generous package - Full Salary for 20 weeks, then SMP for 6. None of that has to be paid back if I don't return, but if I do, I get a bonus after 3 months of the difference between SMP and full salary for those 6 weeks. And I got 10 months worth of this years bonus, which was slightly higher than my last years bonus, which is ironic seeing as that year I worked my bollocks off, and last year I did practically nothing but Mumsnet and throw up!

Thank you for the quick response - I think I'm just feeling a bit guilty about possibly causing problems for my boss - but maybe that just shows that I'm really not cut out for continuing to work in such a competitive environment

[Mooseofawaterwitch]

It's still only generous compared to most crappy uk provision for maternity pay! Go for it!

[Mooseofawaterwitch]

I'd be worse than you - I'd go back for the 3 months required to get the bonus and then I'd leave!

[fairycakes]

yeah, i think id do that to! your lucky with that package, i just get smp and am due to go back on 1st feb, sent in my letter of resignation though as cant face it!!

[Gobbledigook]

Me too! Get all you can out of them! It's a dog eat dog world!!!

Put yourself first!

[lulupop]

I'd just check your contractual obligations and after that, suit yourself.

As you say, no one is irreplaceable, and your team mates are, however nice, more interested in how your return benefits them than what's in it for you.

On the other hand, it's always nice to part on good terms, and it sounds as though you're in a fairly well paid job, so if you can afford to cut them a little slack in terms of time to fill your position, then maybe you should?

I was a City headhunter before children and wokred my arse off for zero recognition. I knew as soon as I was PG that I didn't want to go back to that job, for the same reasons as you, but I still planned to extract as much money as possible from the firm. I'd generated plenty of fee income for them! In the end it all worked out very well, as before I told them I wasn't returning (but after I told them I was PG), they decided to make me redundant. All it took was a few vague noises about discrimination and they offered a very generous pay-off, which I'm sure I wouldn't have had if I hadn't been pregnant.

Take everything you can get, I say!