I'm a SAHM, and have been ever since my 2y4m DD was a 29 week old foetus. DH and I also have 2 other children, 2 boys aged 11 & 12.5 from his first marriage. DD will soon be attending nursery for 2 afternoon sessions a week, which has brought the terrifying realisation that my time at home with her is almost up. It felt like we'd be at home together forever, but as pre-schooldom looms large, I'm ever more conscious of the fact that she will soon be leaving me with a lot of time on my hands.
I'm aware that I will have to return to work (not for finacial reasons alone, as my DH can afford to continue to support me a SAHM indefinitely). I feel the maternal pressure from within myself to support DD, as though my role of support has now changed from one within the home, to a financial responsibility. I need to know that should anything happen to my DH or our relationship, that I can afford to support my family without his financial support. For this reason I know I need a relatively high paying job.
I left school at 16, with excellent GCSEs and prospects, for family reasons. I'm now 22 and all I have are these 10 high grade GCSEs, which count for very little in career terms. I'm aware that I need to gather more qualifications in order to fulfil my financial ambitions. I don't want to be financially dependent on my DH or others for the rest of my life.
The trouble is that I'm torn as to what to do. I always wanted to be a Dr, but with a family, a medical degree is no longer attainable. I believe I have the intellectual capacity for it but I know that I do not have the stamina to devote to such a long and demanding course. The shifts as a student doc are ridiculous and you are still expected to find time to study. It is difficult enough to balance as a young single person with no children, as a wife & parent of 3 it will be nigh on impossible. So I thought about nursing, I thought for a long time (5 years+), but the more I think about it, the less sure I am that it's what I want.
Now I'm just not sure at all where I want to take myself. I know I have the potential and I so don't want to waste it. My Mum spent her years working in an office, she always wanted to be a nurse, and she got to 40 and felt like she'd wasted her life doing admin work . I really don't want that to happen, although I can see that it would if I went back to thd admin type jobs I was doing pre-DD.
I know this is massively long and rambly, and I'm not looking for answers, I'm the only one that can give them. But I just want to know that I'm not the only one who feels like this. Before, when dd was tiny, all I felt was an incredible emotional responsibility to her, I was happy for DH to bear the financial responsibility. Now that she is older, I feel the financial side too. Don't get me wrong, we are in no financial dire straits and neither is my DH pushing me to earn in any way. But I feel the pressure from within myself. It all feels so HUGE
Thanks for reading this vent/outpouring. I commend you for getting this far !
xxx
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Going back to work, does anyone else feel the crippling pressure to do *something* ?
56 replies
NameChangingMancMidlander · 01/01/2005 12:56
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