Have to go back to work but really dont want to! What do I do?

[littlemissmischief]

My Ds is 11 months old and i decided i wasnt going back to work after I had him. I havent gone back so far and me and dp have struggled on just enough money but our money will drop alot when he turns 1 next month. So the only option is to go back to work part time. My employer will take me back so that is not a problem but the thought of leaving him makes me feel sick.
I would feel better leaving him with a family member but i dont think this is possible, my mil is the only possible candidate as she doesnt work until 2pm but i feel it is too much for her and i cant pay her, i hate nurseries as i have heard lots of bad things and i know i couldnt take him there.
the only other option is working at night which i thnk will be nearly impossible as im shattered by 7pm or the weekend but it is the only time i see dp?
I really dont know what ot do so any aadvice is most welcome

Sorry for the rambling

[HappyMummyOfOne]

Tax credits drop from £90 to £42 approx when the child turns one (based on basic allowance) - the baby element is worth £50 a month. That works out about £12.50 a week, can you not cut back a little on your food shopping or drop sky etc to cover the difference if you really want to stay at home.

Not all nurseries are bad, there are really good ones out there but you only ever tend to hear about bad ones. There is always the option of a childminder.

If you can fit your hours in around your MIL, anything that your earn over £50 a month (the drop in tax credits) will be money you have not had so this option is not worth ruling out.

[littlemissmischief]

I have tried to cut back already, we never go out we have nothing for xmas or los 1st birthday or anything and we can just about cover our bills etc.. I dont understand it , my dp doesnt get much money in his job as he is still training and we get £280.00 a month from tax credits (worknig and child) we are not entitled to anything else cos we have checked, when ive asked about it i was told the only way to get more money is to have another baby, split up or get my dp to leave work!!! I couldnt believe it.
I know my mil would help but if i work till 1 then she works 2-6 i feel like its too much for her.
I suppose a childminder is worth looking at not really thought about that option?

[MrsFogi]

littlemissmischief I'm not sure if it's of any help but I felt like this when I was faced with going back to work - when I had dd1 I had no intention of returning to work and then the harsh reality of our finances hit home and I had to return (ft) when she was 1. I really really thought it would be terrible but to my amazement work has been really supportive and despite myself I've found that I am not really unhappy about being back at work it was the thought of it that was making me unhappy so I do hope you'll have the same experience.

[littlemissmischief]

Thankyou Mrsfogi, im not happy about going back to work but i know it is a must and that isnt really the problem, the main thing that is worrying me is who will look after him, i know he would probably be fine in a nursery but i have heard so many bad things and a friend had a tragedy happen at one so i couldnt do that and i have no family to have him really so im stuck what to do for the best?

[abidabidoo]

Just to say that I really didn't want to go back to work, loved being a mum, and it really hung over me for the last three months, cos I wanted to sort out the childminder thing with plenty of time to spare.

In the event it has been great. My childminder is great, she does things with dd that I wouldn't be arsed to do, or dare to do. She has the company of similar aged children and has really bonded with one of them. The whole thing has really enriched her life, and it makes the days I spend with her better because they are a novelty.

AND I even enjoyed work once I got into it. I have to say though working PT is fab, I would feel very differently if I was FT again.

Give it go, you really don't know how it will work till you do. You might enjoy it. (Of course you might not, but then you'd know and could assess your situation knowing that)!

[littlemissmischief]

abidabidoo - im gonna sound really atupid onw but what is the difference between a childminder and a nursery?
How do you find a good childminder? Did the tax credits help you with paying for the childminder when you work part time?

[littlemissmischief]

sorry i cant type today i meant to say i will sound stupid now

[MrsSeanSlater]

I work on Saturdays. You get used to just having the one family day (Sundays) and it also means DP gets quality time with the DSs while I'm at work. Could you not consider it for een a short time till your DS is a bit older? Or maybe become a childminder so you don't have to leave him. Childminders where I live are getting £200+ a week for looking after one child.

[Bouquets]

Childminders are nicer I think but then I've never used a nursery, they always seem so chaotic and noisy to me. Do you go to baby/toddler groups? They're usually crawling with CMs, ask the ladies in charge to point some out or introduce you. Also, visit your local Children's Information Service for a chat and list of local childcare settings.

You also need to calculate exactly how many hours work is best in terms of tax and tax credits. There's a website somewhere that does this.

[Bouquets]

And how about using your MIL for just one morning a week? Would save on childcare costs for you and give her some quality time with her grandson. I was lucky when I worked p/t as DD visited MIL one day, my mum the next and went to a CM with her cousin the 3rd day (which gave me a couple of hours freedom as I only worked 2 1/2days!).

[littlemissmischief]

ok i will look into that thanks bouquets, and yeah i think my mil would have him one even possibly 2 and then maybe my mum would have him and then a childminder for 1 or 2 so that wouldnt be too bad i suppose
Thanks for the help x

[ebenezer]

littlemischief, I also think the thought of going back to work is worse than the reality. I always intended to go go back to my job after having kids, and even so, I found the last few weeks of maternity leave quite stressful, wondering how I'd cope with it all - and this was in the days of 6 months max maternity leave, so my dcs were quite small. Some nurseries are excellent - I had a childminder for dd1 but actually switched to nursery for my younger one. Visit a number of different childcare providers so that you get a feel of what they're like. I think it's natural to feel that a relative is the 'easiest'option for childcare, but it isn't necessarily the best. A good, stimulating nursery or childminder can provide more opportunities for your child to interact with others than being looked after by an elderly relative who may well be worn out from other responsibilities. I know it's depressing when you realise that splitting up from your partner would leave you financially better off and enable you to stay at home with your child - it's unfair and is why the benefits system needs a total overhaul. But try not to think about that - you are providing your child with a better role model than if you ditched your husband or he jacked in his job, so look at the long term rather than the short term. best of luck - it really won't be as bad as you imagine.

[abidabidoo]

littlemissm - sorry had to go back to work! Childminder only has a few children, forget what the max number is, but it depends on their circumstances I think. Mine seems to have max three for most of the day, which is great cos they can all be carried around in a car. Bascially she looks after them in her home, so it becomes like a second home to them. She takes them to toddler groups, to garden centres to look at fish, to local soft play, or outdoor play places, she has older children which they adore. Because it is always her looking after ddon my two/three days at work she has bonded with her - in a nursery there is always more staff, so less good in that respect.

TBH I didn't even look at any nurseries, but I have friends who use them and are very happy.

The tax credits helps with childminder costs as long as they are registered.

Try your local CIS services - usually county based. They will give you a list of childcare providers, and then all you do is narrow them down and start ringing round!

I dreaded it - but made myself do it and it was worth it.