Flexible Working Request - WWYD?

[anonnancy]

Hi all.

Hoping for some help here making a decision I am in two minds about.

I am really struggling to decide how many hours/days to work when I eventually go back in October..

I currently work 30 hours over 4 days, but this isn’t financially sensible for me to do as wouldn’t be able to afford x2 days a week in nursery (my mum is available for childcare two days a week).

So my predicament is:

Option 1)
Return to work 3 days a week, dropping to 25 hours which will mean a drop in wage. 1 day a week nursery. Will leave me with £181 for myself/leisure a month once all bills are paid.

Option 2)
Return to work 2 days a week so I don’t need to pay for nursery. This means a big drop in wages BUT as I won’t be paying for nursery I will have around £350 left over for leisure a month.

My initial thought is of course option 2 is a win win, I get to spend more time with my DS and I’ll have more money to contribute to savings if I wanted to whilst still having a life away from being a mum etc.

However, I feel incredibly guilty for not putting DS in nursery to have the opportunity to interact and socialise with other children and gain some independence from me. (He will be 10 months when I go back to work).

My partner is also making me feel like I need to work as many hours as possible and go back to “normal” before I was pregnant. I’ve explained that I can’t afford to do that unless he contributes towards nursery fees which he isn’t able to do as he doesn’t have the extra cash.

This is all hyperthetical at the minute as work might not even accept my flexible working request!

What would you do?!

[SweepTheHalls]

Nursery fees are a joint expenditure for a joint child...... Is it a job or a career?

[Cornishmumofone]

How flexible is your role? I work full time but compressed hours, so I do 4 days a week. What nursery hours are available and how close are you? I work 8-6 or 9-6 and can drop DD off. DH picks her up. Could you do 27 hours over 3 days?

[WeAllHaveWings]

Do you and your dp live together? I'd he's got have a child together, pool your finances and work out what is financially best for you as a family.

Also think longer term when you make decisions to ensure your career continues and you remain able to support yourself, dont focus just on short term cash. Also think of security and what you would do if your dp lost his job in this pandemic.

Remember you should be a team and your partner can also ask for flexible working. When ds was very young both dh and I changed or working patterns and dh took Mondays off and worked a day at the weekend instead.

[gnoomi]

Remember that childcare costs will go down over time - once they are 3 the 15/30 hours a week kick in and subsidises it a lot. Would you have the freedom for your hours to go up again later?

[LizzieMacQueen]

Are you looking at net income? Remember the tax you pay is not straight line. Personal allowances give you 12,500 free of tax each year. You might not be as worse off as you think.

[Hellohello2020]

Don't feel guilty about the lack of interaction and independence, really not important at 10 months. You can take him to playgroups when they reopen and child parent interaction and socialisation is the most important for a long while yet. But agree with others about longer term career guided things.

[user1573957284738]

Nursery fees are a joint cost. So what does he need to adjust in the budget to pay his share? (It's not a "contribution" towards costs belonging to you, it is his liability for the share of costs). And what flexible working request is he proposing for himself?

Secondly, the decision shouldn't just be made on short term factors. Reduced wages mean reduced pension contributions. More years to work to try and get a pension you can live on and/or a retirement in poverty.

Even if you're not in a role you see as a career, drastically cutting your hours does reduce momentum and may make it harder to pick back up.

Option 2 does not sound "win win" to me. Option 1 sounds the least bad path if you're saddled with a partner who is not paying his way with costs for his child.

[Lazypuppy]

Nursery fees are joint, you shouldn't be paying for all of it.

Sounds like you have a much bigger problem than this...

[Lazypuppy]

Also if you are not married do not give up your income, pension contributions etc. You are in such a vulnerable position

[Itwasntme101]

Could you do 30 hours over 3 days so there's no drop in your wage?

[JamMakingWannaBe]

Echo all the PP.

• childcare is a joint family cost
• reducing your hours is not just a drop in income but a MASSIVE drop in pension contributions
• is there an opportunity for you to increase your hours in the future?
• what's your family backup for when your mum is ill/ can't do childcare?
• have you BOTH checked what financial help with childcare is available through your employers?
• what steps has HE taken to investigate flexible working with his employer?

We put hpusehold spending on a joint 0% credit card when DD was at nursery which we're started paying off when the nursery fees dropped with the pre-school funded hours.

[JamMakingWannaBe]

Have your nursery confirmed they will take DC for one day a week? Ours wouldn't.

[SkyeIsPink]

If you're not married, I think you should continue working your current hours.

Childcare is a joint cost and a joint responsibility!

Also have you actually submitted the flexible working request? Your employer can reject any request for business reasons so I would prepare for the possibility of that anyway.

[doodleygirl]

This makes no sense at all - why are you having children with someone who doesnt share costs? These type of threads really baffle me, surely all of your finances would have been discussed prior to the pregnancy.

I would suggest you go back to work full time otherwise not only are you going to be paying for nursery fees yourself, like a single parent you are also going to take a massive hit on your career which will directly effect your long term finances. This will make you extremely vulnerable.

If you are with a partner who does not take financial responsibility for your child you probably wont be together long term which means you should not leave yourself so vulnerable.

[ODFOx]

Hmm, based on my experience even if your partner is lovely his response is a little indicative of a lack of engagement. I'd be covering my own back.7.5 hour days: is anyone working flexibly where you work? If so I'd consider increasing your hours to full time over 4 days if they'll let you: 8-6 with a half hour for lunch and an earlier finish one day a week. Thus your salary goes up by 25% and you still pay for only 2 days in nursery.

[BrieAndChilli]

I don’t understand people who have seperate finances when they have kids. It sounds like in your case ALL child related costs will be down to you - kids clothes, birthday and Christmas presents, socialising, food, equipment, uniform, medicines etc etc.
Not to the mention things like a drop in income, inability to work extra hours to gain a promotion, increased medical issues, reduced pension, etc
You partner is 50% responsible for this child that includes financially and practically as well as emotionally.

You need to work out you household I come and outcome and bear all costs a joint entity. Any money left over is then divided equally among all the family (so not 50% for him and 50% for you and you have to pay for soft play etc out of your half. Money for child things comes out of it before either of you spend money on yourselves)

[popcorndiva]

Have you also added in that you can use tax free childcare, so you only pay 80% of the costs. I would keep the 4 days, gives you options if your mum cannot carry on, or like now is not allowed to

Many grandparents say yes to looking after a6 month old but soon change their mind when it's a toddler running around for 10 hours. It's hard work