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Fed up with family telling me to stop working until kids are at school

(15 Posts)
JoshandJamie Wed 26-Sep-07 21:12:43

After DS2 was born I set up my own business;
a) because the extra money was handy
b) I was bored
c) I wanted to keep my hand in


It hasn't been easy and my dh and I have a lot of arguments about childcare. basically childcare is my responsibility and regardless of how busy I am, my career is viewed as the secondary one. (3hat's another whole issue)

After my first year in biz, I made a net profit of just under £30k. I have worked hard to build a name and have invested quite a bit back into it. It is growing, successful and has scope to get big. But I still only work parttime and I want to keep it that way but I do get stressed out trying to juggle it all.

but whenever I speak to any of my family and have a quiet maoan about not being able to fit everything in, the first thing they all say, everytime is: why don't you just stop working and start again when the boys are at school. It's their only suggestion.

It makes me want to scream. We now need the money. I enjoy it. I would have wasted an enormous amount of energy and money just to shut up shop. It makes me mad that they can't be slightly more supportive. And it makes me think that maybe they think I'm being a bad mum for wanting to work. I feel as though I'm trying my best to spend time with them while still running a business. sigh. sorry, just needed to rant.

CarGirl Wed 26-Sep-07 21:17:19

sad that they can't be proud of how well you've done. Can employ anyone to help, thinking work experience, part time student, either with the business or running the house/helping out with the children?

fingerwoman Wed 26-Sep-07 21:19:59

can you afford to take on some help either with the business or with childcare?

BBBee Wed 26-Sep-07 21:22:21

well it sounds fucking brilliant to me - if this is how you want things to be then stop talking to them about it or tell them you need them to be more supportive.

Spoo Wed 26-Sep-07 21:23:39

I have set up my own business too - although not anywhere near as profitable. It is really hard sometimes to be structured and not work all the hours in the day, so I understand.
Just because you want a moan doesn't mean you want a solution - it just means you want to moan!

nell12 Wed 26-Sep-07 21:26:25

Good on you for managing and making a profit smile

If you stayed home with the kids not working and had a quiet moan with your family about being bored and broke, they would tell you to go out and get a job!

You are in a no win situation with them, so concentrate on reminding yourelf about what you have achieved... motherhood and a business... almost single-handedly.

mummydoc Wed 26-Sep-07 21:29:58

well done, i work and am setting up a business - i am also seeminlgy single handedly responsible for all childcare arrangements / family life etc etc , i oculd go on but oyu know what i mean, my family do help but only so my mother can then get little jibes in all the time about what i am missing out on with dd2 , i often wonder what her reaction would be if i did become a sahm ? after all the money she spent on my education and the goverment has spent on my medical training etc etc. bet she would suddenly come down on the other side of the fence , good for you , you are providing a better standard of living for oyur family and being a very positive role model to your children ( that thought keeps me sane )

JoshandJamie Thu 27-Sep-07 09:48:24

THanks everyone (on all the posts), I have no idea why my message appeared so many times other than that I was using a handheld device to post it, so desperate was I to get it off my chest. But thanks for all the support.

You're right, I do need to find other people to offload on because my family just doesn't get it.

Got to work now but thanks for being a virtual ear for me.

bozza Thu 27-Sep-07 09:53:22

I think you are doing fabulously. It sounds like your family just don't get it. But your real problem is your DH, who doesn't sounds like he is sufficiently supportive or doing his share.

The flexibility you have got will be great once your children are at school. How old are they? Do you have any childcare or do you just fit it all in around them? What business is it?

Sorry for all the questions, but I am just seriously impressed by what you have done.

SmartArse Thu 27-Sep-07 09:56:44

I'm really impressed with what you've achieved. I also moan occasonionally about all the juggling involved with working and childcare, but my SAHM friends moan too about other things. Whatever you can't do, you can't win!

kama Thu 27-Sep-07 10:02:27

Message withdrawn

JoshandJamie Thu 27-Sep-07 10:24:45

My children are 3.5 and 2 and I run a PR/marketing company. The kids go to nursery two days a week and then to a childminder/preschool for two half days - and the rest of the time I have them.

I actually think it's the childcare that is the major problem. The nursery can't give me the days I want, neither can another nursery in the area. The childminder won't take both of them during the holidays. So I am stuck working silly days that just don't make sense for my business.

I have spoken to DH about it but his job requires him to be out of the country a lot so he can't make a firm commitment to help. He does try when I'm really pushed but I always feel as though I'm begging for some help and it shouldn't be like that. And it's these things that I have a little moan about to my family - with the response being: well stop working until the kids are school. Why they think it will be any easier when they're at school I have no idea.

What I'd like to do is get a mother's help but our house was flooded so we're living in temporary accommodation and can't really take someone on.

Anyway, have just finished having a lovely meeting with the insurers/builders/loss adjustors about our house which they still haven't started working on due to red tape which has added further to my stress levels.

bozza Thu 27-Sep-07 10:48:01

Good grief no wonder you are stressed with the flood as well.

mummydoc Fri 28-Sep-07 10:47:52

JoshandJamie where are oyu based , i could do with some marketing ideas , my new buisness is yet to break even an di have been going at it 4 montsh , though to be fair i have a job aswell and DH now out of the country alot aswell , so have NO time when not at work or with children to devote to new buisness , this cause endless rowswith dh

JoshandJamie Fri 28-Sep-07 17:15:50

mummydoc I'm based in Berkshire. I don't really want to put my email address or URL on here and I don't have the CAT function so not sure how to tell you to get hold of me.

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