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Fed up with family telling me to stop working until kids are at school

(5 Posts)
JoshandJamie Wed 26-Sep-07 20:51:19

After DS2 was born I set up my own business;
a) because the extra money was handy
b) I was bored
c) I wanted to keep my hand in

It hasn't been easy and my dh and I have a lot of arguments about childcare. basically childcare is my responsibility and regardless of how busy I am, my career is viewed as the secondary one. (3hat's another whole issue)

After my first year in biz, I made a net profit of just under £30k. I have worked hard to build a name and have invested quite a bit back into it. It is growing, successful and has scope to get big. But I still only work parttime and I want to keep it that way but I do get stressed out trying to juggle it all.

but whenever I speak to any of my family and have a quiet maoan about not being able to fit everything in, the first thing they all say, everytime is: why don't you just stop working and start again when the boys are at school. It's their only suggestion.

It makes me want to scream. We now need the money. I enjoy it. I would have wasted an enormous amount of energy and money just to shut up shop. It makes me mad that they can't be slightly more supportive. And it makes me think that maybe they think I'm being a bad mum for wanting to work. I feel as though I'm trying my best to spend time with them while still running a business. sigh. sorry, just needed to rant.

newgirl Wed 26-Sep-07 20:53:53

sounds like you are doing a fantastic job well done you!

i think we are a generation doing things differently to our families so we are all learning how it works

if i were you i wouldn't bother discussing it with family in the future if they dont get it - talk to like minded friends over a large expensive glass of wine instead!

FairyMum Wed 26-Sep-07 20:54:28

Off-load on people in similar situations. If you don't know anyone in RL, then MN is the place.

gingerninja Wed 26-Sep-07 20:55:55

Can you find a supportive ear and just not discuss it with people that are unhelpful? I'd just avoid the subject with them tbh if it's gonna cause you distress. You know what's right for your family. The pressures of life drags everyone down at some point whatever the circumstances so if you gave up work you'd probably have other grievances. hope that's helped.

Rhubarb Wed 26-Sep-07 21:03:48

Well I know dh's mum disapproves of me working whilst ds is pre-school. When I had dd she once commented that she didn't know why people had kids if they just shoved them in childcare as soon as they could. This was a sly dig at her other d-i-l who put her dd into nursery whilst she went on a college course and faffed about the house.

She knew I was working part time but she didn't know how many hours. Ds is 3.5 and in nursery 4.5 days a week. Dh told her this last weekend and she was shocked. I know she'll grumble to others about me working as she once bitched about her ex d-i-l to me. It does wind me up, but at the end of the day we do what we believe is best for our children.

Back then she could afford to be a sahm as she was a farmer's wife, so her work was at home anyway. She's never had to go and do a 9-5 job. We aren't so lucky and need 2 wages to pay the rent, bills etc. Ds is settled at nursery now. I've been through lots of anxious moments worrying about him and his happiness, but everything has worked out and I spend quality time with both dd and ds when I'm not working.

I do a worthwhile job that makes me feel good about myself and keeps me sane. When I'm cooped up with the kids all day long I tend to crack up a little and it doesn't do me or the kids any good at all. She doesn't see any of this so it's easy for her to judge. But I know this, dh knows this and we are happy with our worklife balance.

So as long as you, your dh and your children are happy, sod what anyone else thinks. They don't see your day to day lives so who the hell are they to criticise? It's so easy to criticise and much harder to praise. Shame your family aren't prouder of the way you are working hard to provide for you and your family.

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