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Feeling lost after 5 years as SAHM

(15 Posts)
mebeforeyou Fri 21-Feb-20 21:53:43

Just wondering if anyone has felt similar to me..DS(5) is in Reception and I’ve been keeping an eye on the local job situation since last June. DH works very long hours so I’ve been looking for part-time work to avoid putting DS into after-school care, as he sometimes gets upset enough as it it not seeing his DF much let alone if he doesn’t see me until 6-7pm each day (he also has anxiety which does not help). I get daily job alerts from a few different websites but absolutely nothing appeals as it’s all retail/carer jobs, or if it does I have no prior experience and no transferable skills either.

I’m just one of those people who have never found a job to feel passionate about. I should have studied nursing many years ago but now I’m too old to take on fee debts and we have no family back-up for childcare etc - it’s one of my biggest regrets in life and the only occupation I wish I had done. Instead, I’ve always been stuck in dead-end office jobs since leaving university.

Now, I’m mid-40’s and not worked for 5 years and my self-confidence to even go and volunteer to build up some new experiences and skills is such that I just panic and freeze at the thought of being with people again in a work environment even as a volunteer. It doesn’t help that my last job (there for 11 years) for a corporate giant has left a few bitter memories and I don’t want to go back to what I was doing before, and am also disillusioned with the whole corporate world and office politics. I feel like I’ve changed as a person and simply can’t be bothered with this kind of work environment anymore (or maybe it was just that company and somewhere else will be different, of course).

I don’t drive and that won’t change in the near future so I am stuck looking for jobs in our town which does have a lot of companies and Head Offices etc. I’ve looked at courses but again, nothing appeals unless it’s health-related and I just don’t have the funds or transport to go and study (no education providers in our town and public transport is not great, plus we live 35 mins walk to the train). Since having DS I find child development really interesting but I have no interest in actually working in a childcare setting as I don’t feel I’m a natural with children. Starting my own business is not an option as I have no great ideas and have no special skills etc.

I just feel stuck and lost, and it feels like everything is against me. I’m in a fortunate position in that there is no financial pressure to get a job, but where this should be great for allowing me to really do something I would enjoy, I’m finding I’m coming up against a brick wall and it’s really getting me down sad.

OP’s posts: |
MollySilkNose Fri 21-Feb-20 21:59:15

Have you considered care work? Sometimes it fits around school hours, and sometimes you can train on the job. It has similarities to nursing too.

Zippetydoodahzippetyay Fri 21-Feb-20 22:02:18

It sounds very difficult and like you're feeling really stuck. Could you perhaps for now, forget about the job or career side of things and focus on building your knowledge and skills in ways that might open doors or build your confidence and spark some extra motivation?

Eg. Could you do some online courses? Have you always wanted to learn how to sew or been interested in gardening or something? Can you find a topic and start reading, practicing in small ways?

OhamIreally Sat 22-Feb-20 00:05:15

I know you said that the not driving was unlikely to change but if you could learn and pass your test that would be a great achievement and confidence booster which would also open doors to more opportunities.
Sorry you feel so stuck though- I'm in a career which looks great from the outside but all I want to do is quit now and it's affecting my health.

Sammi38 Wed 26-Feb-20 07:08:52

Have you tried the website do it is a volunteering database, with lots of opportunities near to your location. I’ve been at home the last 4 years and have just started volunteering with vulnerable young people 1 day a week for a few hours. It’s really rewarding and the organisation I volunteer for offer really good training for volunteers. You may then get more doors to open for you.

I’d definitely recommend it.

Jiggles101 Wed 26-Feb-20 07:27:35

What about a band 3 HCA job in a hospital?

FagAsh Wed 26-Feb-20 07:34:37

Whats stopping you learning to drive?

mytypeonpaper Wed 26-Feb-20 07:38:44

Have you considered dental nursing? You can work part time and train as you work

Lowhum Wed 26-Feb-20 14:48:03

Could you volunteer in the school?

I know a few parents who have done this and then signed up to a school recruitment agency with the view to taking on support work. Work hours are within school times and not necessarily every day so you will get time to yourself too.

Lowhum Wed 26-Feb-20 14:49:05

Sorry, just re-read your post and realised you said that you were not interested in working with children!!

Darbs76 Sun 08-Mar-20 07:39:29

Start to learn to drive, it will be the first step and either way, Job or not Job it will allow you more freedom

BorneoBabe Sun 08-Mar-20 07:47:56

No retail
No caring
No childcare
No office work
Not willing to retrain for dream job

Can you give us some clues as to what you are willing to do and what your talents/skills are?

BlitzenandMikey Tue 17-Mar-20 20:22:45

You are never too old to retain. I am nearly 50 and am contemplating it. I would bite the bullet and look at volunteer work first, just to give you an idea what interests you?

user48675 Sat 04-Apr-20 22:50:50

Hi mebeforeyou

I am a similar age to you and it seems as if we have followed a similar path except I never had any aspirations of going into nursing and have 3 dc (youngest is a pre-schooler).

I am thinking ahead about when my youngest dc starts school and like you I feel a lot of anxiety (I have been a sahm for years on and off, working in admin jobs in between). I don't particularly want to go back into an office for the reasons you mentioned but have very little confidence. Also, would need to be part-time hours to fit around the dc as I have a big hang up about not being around for dc, due to my own upbringing.
I am considering voluntary work just to get me out of the house a few times a week.
The caring suggestion might be a way forward for you, especially if your interest lies with nursing. I looked at support work but discovered that most of these jobs requires you to work shifts.
Sammi, could you tell me about the voluntary work you do with vulnerable young people (please pm me if you feel able) as this was a consideration of mine but I am unable to find anything locally.
I know that mid to late 40's is not considered too late these days but I think for me the peri-menopause plus lack of confidence/anxiety is really kicking in. It kind of feels that I will be filling in time until retirement, trying to structure a week of activities. Whereas, most of my peers who had children younger than me, have now managed to find some sort of part-time work (not all but certainly a majority).

For me, I think it's about being needed. Can this need be fulfilled by voluntary work do you think? I too, wish I'd found a job/career I could feel passionate about but I guess there are a lot of us in the same boat. Plus, when my dcs came along, I really wanted to prioritise them whereas some people are very comfortable about maintaining a career alongside dcs (like you I have absolutely zero childcare support, which made things all the more difficult).

user48675 Sat 04-Apr-20 22:54:33

Mebeforeyou, also, meant to say, I'm sorry you find yourself in a similar predicament but it was reassuring to read your post and discover that I am not entirely alone.

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