Stay at home mum with school kids

(32 Posts)
Cakeymum85 Wed 15-Jan-20 22:35:10 I’m in a bit of dilemma. Once my kids started school I began looking for a job that could fit in with school hours. I was keen to have part time as we have a lot of animals at home to look after and I wanted to have time to get things done whilst they are at school. However I was lucky to be offered a job at their school, on the basis that’s it’s full time. I was so glad to be offered the job that I took it but I’ve struggled so much with working every day and not getting any time to myself and not coping well with the stress. I have asked about dropping my hours for the last 9 months but they are not considering it.
My husband is very supportive and has said we will manage financially if I do quit but I can’t help feel I’ve failed. And would it be crazy to leave a job that fits in so well with my children’s school??
Before working at the school I did a lot of cake decorating so thinking that could possibly be something to go back to.
I just feel so guilty to leave this job with out another one to go to..
Please help! X

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Piixxiiee Wed 15-Jan-20 22:37:53

Jobs like that are like gold dust, I wouldn't leave but obviously if you cant do it, leave. What stress are you having? Could you not make time one evening or at weekend for yourself?

Witchonastick Wed 15-Jan-20 22:46:13

If you know you can manage financially and you’re both happy with the idea, then do it.
You can then either look out for a part time job or make something of your cake decorating.
Life is short. Do what makes you and your family happy.

Cakeymum85 Thu 16-Jan-20 06:56:55

@Piixxiiee exactly, i’d been trying to get a job like that for ages which makes it even harder decision to leave. There are a lot of behaviour issues in the class and it seems to take all my energy so that when I go home I have very little patience for my own children sad Maybe I just need to find other ways to manage stress (apart from wine!)
I just miss simple things like keeping on top of housework and walking the dog. I’ve got alpacas and really miss spending time with them. I guess it will be easier in summer when the days are longer
My husband does shift work so he is quite often on nights or working weekends which make time to myself harder to find!
@Witchonastick that’s how I see it sometimes I just feel like I’ve failed or like other people will think I’m just lazy! I have 2 children, my son is autistic and I just want to give them the best and have time to talk and play with them, but when I get home I’m normally so drained and rushing around making dinner, cleaning etc. I know it’s probably the same for a lot of mums, maybe I just need to get used to it or manage my time a bit better?

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DICarter1 Thu 16-Jan-20 07:07:45

I’ve just gone back to work after 10 years out (3 kids and 2 have sen - youngest has very complex needs). I work in school admin. I work three days a week and I’m not in a class. Are you a TA? I’d probably find that exhausting then coming home to my own children. Will you get a different class next year?

Cakeymum85 Thu 16-Jan-20 07:25:23

Yes I’m a TA in year 1, I will probably get a different class next year which would be nice but it won’t give me the time that I miss. Are all yours at school now? It’s a great job that I get the same holidays, I just wish it was 2 or 3 days!

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DICarter1 Thu 16-Jan-20 08:40:22

My youngest is 7 and yes thankfully all in school now. No I get your point. I could work over four days but don’t want to. Would you consider staying on for a bit to get the experience and a Ta role might come up on less hours?

Cakeymum85 Thu 16-Jan-20 10:35:51

I have been hoping that and they know I want part time, but there isn’t at the moment. I’ve been here a year and carrying on feeling so stressed fills me with dread! 🤯

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Cakeymum85 Thu 16-Jan-20 10:36:03


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Batqueen Thu 16-Jan-20 10:38:57

Can you outsource as much as possible so you can keep your job to reduce stress? Eg cleaning, ironing, regular babysitting.

Horsesforcourses38 Thu 16-Jan-20 10:55:39

This is the situation for a lot of parents, yes. But if you can afford not to work and you would be happier not working then if I were you I would just quit. Life is short! You're in a very fortunate position to be able to do this but that's not your fault.

Cakeymum85 Thu 16-Jan-20 15:57:06

@Batqueen I don’t have many people that can help out, my husband will help out but works a lot so I don’t ask much from him.
We are comfortable financially at the moment, me leaving would mean we would have to be very careful and perhaps not afford some of the treats which makes me feel even guiltier and selfish if I leave. I just feel like I’m on the edge, came home and cried on my 20min break and have a constant headache! I need to be stronger

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Batqueen Thu 16-Jan-20 17:06:19

I actually meant pay for a cleaner etc, you mentioned being comfortable financially so paying for a few hours cleaning, babysitting will hopefully cost you a lot less than giving up work and then you might be able to hold on til part time hours come up.

Cakeymum85 Thu 16-Jan-20 20:17:01

@Batqueen yes sorry I get what you mean now. I have thought about a cleaner just feels strange as have never had one but it’s worth a go.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply and give advice xxx

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RedskyAtnight Thu 16-Jan-20 20:24:14

Do you have a regular lunch break? If so, could you go for a walk then (or take the dog for a walk if you're not too far from home)? some regular exercise and fresh air would hopefully help with the stress.

I think you'd be made to give up the job personally - it will get easier as your DC get older, and jobs like that are hard to come by.
If you're all out all day, there can't be much housework to do - make a rule that the lounge/kitchen/whatever other rooms you think are left tidy before the DC go to bed and everyone helps (i.e. DC put away their toys etc). Focus on quick meals or get a slow cooker.

I think that cake decorating realistically is going to unlikely be more than a hobby.

Waterchestnut Thu 16-Jan-20 20:32:04

No I wouldn’t leave.

Get a cleaner. Book your dc into an after school club or even a childminder a couple of times a week. Free up some of your time that way.

And while you do so look for a part time role, but don’t quit. And I agree that cake decorating will likely end up being a hobby job.

LisaSimpsonsbff Thu 16-Jan-20 20:36:23

This is going to sound really nasty and I don't mean it to but - isn't being a TA inherently a part time job? My understanding is that they work literally the hours that the kids are in and no longer (unlike teachers)?

museumum Thu 16-Jan-20 20:38:23

Is this your first year? I don’t think mid January is the time to make these decisions. Wait till the days are longer and you’ve had Easter off and the bank holidays and enjoyed the long summer off before deciding if all that makes up for a few tricky months in winter.
You can always keep an eye out for other roles (either p/t or less child-intensive) but I wouldn’t quit till you seen it over a whole 12 months.

Cakeymum85 Thu 16-Jan-20 20:43:27

@RedskyAtnight @waterchestnut
I think you are right. We moved house to be next to my alpacas (random I know!!) (which I thought I could make a business out of but it hasn’t quite gone to plan as I just don’t have the time and money to put in to them) and I started my job (i wasn’t looking for full time but they approached me and I thought it was too good to turn down) all within the first week of Jan last year and I don’t feel like I’ve ever caught up with myself. I’m not the most organised person but hopefully I can get better at it and cope better!

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Cakeymum85 Thu 16-Jan-20 20:46:42

@LisaSimpsonsbff yes I guess it is although some work less days. I’m not able to work out of school hours as my husband is a shift worker and I don’t have any other childcare so I need school holidays off.

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turnthebiglightoff Thu 16-Jan-20 20:49:21

I'm in the stay camp. It's a gold dust job; it is part time, with 13 weeks off per year. I'd 100% stay. Can you submit a flexible working request to drop to 4 days?

Fallowyear Thu 16-Jan-20 20:49:30

“If I do quit but I can’t help feel I’ve failed”

Depends how you define failure. Leaving a job that wasn’t what you wanted and impacts on your stress/quality of life doesn’t sound like failure to me. It sounds like a really smart decision, to benefit your wellbeing (and probably that of your family by extension). Going against the grain here, but full time work isn’t for everyone. Good luck with whatever you decide!

Cakeymum85 Thu 16-Jan-20 20:51:40

@RedskyAtnight I get half an hour lunch break max, sometimes manage to get home to let the dog out, I did ask to drop my lunch duty so I could get an hour but they wouldn’t allow it. I’m trying to get out and exercise in evening when I can, I know it helps with stress smile x

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shiningstar2 Thu 16-Jan-20 20:56:13

If you are not able to work out of school hours a job like this is literally gold dust. They are few and far between with school holidays covered for child care as well. It will definitely get easier as the children get a bit older and you might regret giving it up.

If it is making you very stressed give it up but think very carefully first. It could be a long time before another similar job comes along.

CreekIsRising Thu 16-Jan-20 20:57:44

Sounds like the job itself doesn't suit you. I mean the duties, not the hours (obviously the hours are great!) Maybe you've focused too much on what's convenient for your life outside work rather than on finding a job that suits your skills and interests? What you do with that thought is up to you, but obviously there are benefits to working - money now, money saved, pension. All of this buys you a better quality of life than you'd have without it. The trick is to get that without it sapping your soul. This is the unending conundrum of work until you find something that's really for you. Sounds like you just aren't there yet.

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