Two job offers but found out I'm 4 weeks pregnant after multiple miscarriages

[Bambii]

Hi ladies,

I need your advice on what to do. I've had 3 precious missed miscarriages at 7 weeks, after healthy heartbeat detected, and required surgeries for all.

I quit my job to focus on recovery at the beginning of the year and have been looking to get back into work. There are two roles I've been offered, one with team management and the other just project management. However, I've just found out I'm 4 weeks pregnant (4 weeks on Sunday), just as the two offer letters have come in.

I have this weekend to decide what to do!

The job that involves team management will pay more but they're a small business and I know it would be a pain for them if I went off on maternity in 8 months. The team have also had a lot of bad luck with managers leaving in the past (they have a high work load)

The second job is just project management at a large firm, but I'll be paid a lot less and it involves more travel.

One close friend is telling me to just decline both and see how these crucial next few weeks go.. but part of me thinks that if things don't work out again, I'll be left with little else. DH says I should do what I feel is best and he wants to support whatever I want.

Your help much appreciated!

[nikosmum2010]

Congrats on the pregnancy.

In your position I'd push any start date to January, that will give you time to pass that crucial 7 week stage and have a scan.

Choose a job that will work for you once you come back after maternity with baby. For me, I like to be closer to home, have flexibility, no overnight travelling, home at a decent time every night for dinner/bath time.

Time does fly when you have a job to do otherwise if you are home throughout the pregnancy, you will be thinking of all the things that can go wrong. Its better to be at work.

[Waterloosunsets]

I totally agree with @nikosmum2010 . It's natural to be concerned about how your pregnancy and change of circumstances will impact your (potential) employer but ultimately your pregnancy is protected by employment law and you need to think about yourself first. For now, accept the role which appeals more and suits you best. The rest will fall into place.

[Bambii]

Thank you both. Good advice.

I have to start on the 2nd of Dec, but at least there is plenty of time off around Christmas, which is coming up to the 8 week mark... if I need surgery for the missed miscarriage I can sneak it in then without impacting work too much.

2nd Dec start is written into the contract and I feel like I couldn't mess them about on it. They're excited about me joining them at the Christmas party. It is a fun and exciting job, I'm just so scared they'll hate me for falling pregnant after they've had such bad luck with previous managers!

I woke up this morning really wanting to take the opportunity.. I would be 12 weeks 19th January and I could probably stretch not telling them until end of... i feel like they need to get to know me and I need to prove myself at work before I tell them, so they believe their hire was worth it...

[Bambii]

That's the job that pays more and involves a team by the way..

[Brenna24]

As a fellow recurrent miscarriage sufferer, take the job you really want. That way if it all does go tits up, you have the job to keep you going. You could share parental leave with your partner so that you aren't taking as long off for maternity afterwards. Oh and congratulations and everything crossed for you here (my pregnancy that happened after I got made redundant is now a 22 month old snoring in my lap as we speak).

[KellyHall]

Congratulations on your pregnancy

A friend had the exact same situation and she waited until after 12 weeks and made out she'd only just found out.

I really think you sound like you've made up your mind already. If they're that excited about you starting, they'll hopefully be nice enough people to support you regardless of the impact on the business. And regardless, the health and happiness of you and your baby are your only real priorities.

[Bambii]

@Brenna24 thanks for the message and wise words, I'm so pleased to hear it worked out for you ♥️

This job will be a bit of a challenge as I'm managing a team of all ages and trying to improve processes, but it just sounds like so much fun to me! 🙈 I could share leave with my partner and this would help.

[Brenna24]

Best of luck @Bambii. That's great that you could share leave too.

[Bambii]

Thank you @KellyHall and everyone for your wise words. It's much appreciated.

[Usernamqwerty]

Good luck!

3 years ago, I started a job in September and found out I was 4 weeks pregnant on Boxing Day! 😬

Had to tell them on my return in January as had horrid morning sickness, but they were so lovely about it! X

[Bambii]

@Usernamqwerty that's very reassuring, thanks for sharing. I'm thinking I'll try and wait until at least mid January, when I'll be 12 weeks, in the hopes they'll like me too much by then to resent me!

I just feel bad about taking on this lovely team who have been managerless and struggling for months... only to leave them in August.

Apparently they've struggled with keeping managers in this role over the last 2 years. They're also a small company, so I worry about impact to them.

[itsboiledeggsagain]

Why are they struggling to retain staff?

[Bambii]

@itsboiledeggsagain well, according to them, the previous managers didn't quite grasp what it would be like working for a small company. They quit. They've also told me that the workload has also since been adjusted so it won't be as gruelling... I know, part of me thinks I should see this as a red flag, but the other part of me is the eternal optimist!

Am I being naive? Will managing a new team of people, trying to figure out new products and processes, and manage a new pregnancy after I've previously suffered 3 missed miscarriages at 7 weeks (chromosomal normal, healthy heart beat detected) be too much? Am I also going to piss them off for taking this job at 4 weeks pregnant?

My thinking is that there is a very real chance this pregnancy could not work out, like the others haven't. I am on immunosuppressive medication this time to hopefully keep it going, but the risk is there.

If the pregnancy doesn't work out, I think at least I'd have this job... if I don't take this job because of pregnancy and then that doesn't work out, I think I'd be worse off. Having said that, I would need time to recover.

I am completely torn on what to do. I was offered two jobs after three interviews, so I think I come across employable. Should I decline this job today and wait and see how this pregnancy progresses before looking again? I'll be 8 weeks just before Christmas, so I'll know then if it's viable.

[Postmanbear]

Take the job that you really want. As you say yourself this pregnancy might not work out and even if it does you’ll only be taking 9(?) months maternity leave when you could potentially work there for years! If you are a good manager you will make a big impact in the next 8 months anyway so your maternity leave might not impact them that much. I’ve just returned from maternity leave and trust me it will be like you’ve never left!

[Bambii]

Thanks for sharing @Postmanbear! That's good to hear. Maybe I shouldn't overthink it and just cross each bridge as it comes.