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Anyone regret staying at home or vice versa ?

(14 Posts)
sotosey Thu 18-Jul-19 15:54:27

Ok so a dream job has come up. I'm currently a stay at home mum. Job is full time but term time hours - and flexible 8-4 etc 5 days a week. Potential to go part time maybe if I get my foot in the door.

Anyone regret staying at home with the kids or vice versa ? Will my kids be worse off (I have twins) if they're not with me day in day out? I just want what's best for them and my heart is telling me they will be fine without me and it will be good for them and me. I'll get a bit of me back and they can have fun in nursery/ more educational stimulation. I dont know , I'm just going with my heart.

MamImHere Thu 18-Jul-19 16:01:37

I stayed at home and really regretted it. I wish I'd gone part time instead of giving up completely. I found it incredibly difficult to get back into work afterwards because employers weren't keen because I'd been out of the work place so long and I also really struggled to find my confidence again after being at home for 8 years

Daddylonglegs1965 Thu 18-Jul-19 16:02:48

I went back to work part time with two very close together. I sometimes felt guilty leaving them but it was also a break. I felt stressed and unfulfilled as a SAHM. For my PT work was a happy medium. Could you do FT over 4 days?

sotosey Thu 18-Jul-19 16:13:51

Yeah i would love to do full time hours over 4 days. Im stressed home too.

Parker231 Thu 18-Jul-19 16:20:21

I went back full time when DT’s were six months old in a very full on career. They are now at Uni and DH and I have both reduced to working four days a week so we can have long weekends either visiting DT’s or some time to ourselves. We haven’t regretted our decisions.

sotosey Thu 18-Jul-19 17:04:42

Oh the dream @Parker231 . No you think they were worse off than kids who had stay at home parents? In school for example. Sorry to pry or assume. Thanks

Parker231 Thu 18-Jul-19 17:12:56

No - I don’t. Financially I didn’t need to work but would have made a poor SAHM. DT’s enjoyed their nursery days - two of the staff became our babysitters for years and DT’s still send them Christmas cards. Once they were at school they went to breakfast and after school clubs which they hated missing on days they didn’t need to attend as they liked the additional play time with friends and as they got older they both had after school sports and music clubs.

They left school with straight A’s and are doing well at Uni. They have both turned into lovely adults whom are looking forward to coming on holiday with us next week to Canada to visit DH’s family.

sotosey Thu 18-Jul-19 17:25:38

Oh I'm so glad. Financially I don't either but we're not well off either. Small mortgage/small house etc. I wanted to make a decision when I'd had them rather than have to work. I just feel like when they're older they're going to want things and I want to be able to give them choices. Also, it's stressful work being at home imo. I would love to be able to work and it not be detrimental to them in any way.

Workingisntworking Wed 07-Aug-19 09:16:18

I was a sahm for 12 years and went back to work full time last year. The year was really really tough and to be honest my two eldest dc, who are 12 and 10, struggled massively with the change. I was out of the house long hours and they didn't cope so well. My youngest who is 2 wasn't bothered by the change at all. I have now found a job closer to home and work 4 days. My dc have settled into the routine now and are doing much better. So for me I regret staying at home for so long. I think they would have found me working so much easier if I had gone back when they were young. But I did have a lovely 12 years at home with them so its difficult to say I regret being a sahm if that makes sense.
My dc are old enough to explain how they feel and they both like that I work and are proud of me but they miss me being at home and all that comes with that. Good luck with whatever you decide.

ButtercupGirI Mon 19-Aug-19 18:38:15

I regret but moving on. I left my dream job, although I was struggling. Today, after years of career break, it is out of my reach.

MarshaBradyo Mon 19-Aug-19 18:39:51

I’d say take it as you describe it as dream job

How old are your dc?

KnitFastDieWarm Wed 27-Nov-19 18:10:45

I thought I would love being a SAHM.
As it turned out I started a masters degree while on maternity leave in order to avoid going completely insane, was champing at the bit for ds to start nursery three mornings a week when he turned two, and went back to freelance work three days a week when he turned three. I’ve also just started a part time PhD. Turns out that while I love being a mother, I hate, hate, hate being a SAHM and it’s hugely detrimental to my mental health and my sense of self.
My mum stayed at home until my youngest brother was 15. She sacrificed a lot for us and I respect and love her for it. But I can’t help feeling she’d have had a happier, more fulfilled life, and been a better example as a woman (to me) if she’d found a bit more of a balance and been a bit more ‘selfish’.
Different things work for different families and you can only do what works for you and yours smile

Loopytiles Wed 27-Nov-19 18:13:48

Those kind of working patterns are like gold dust!

Barring ill health/additional needs of me or the DC I would do a lot to avoid being financially dependent and reducing my earning capacity and pension etc.

YouJustDoYou Fri 06-Dec-19 12:49:58

You can't second guess how your kids will feel. I remember friends saying how they hate their mothers working, but later in life looking back they've said they understand now why. I've also had friends with mum's who stayed at home saying they Loved having their mothers there but it hasn't affected their view of them or their own desires for work. That job sounds amazing, I'd go for it

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