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Nervous about working after so long

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DrQuinn19 Sat 01-Jun-19 22:15:16

Hi, I've name changed for this because I feel a bit silly and so sad.

I'm in my early 30's and have been out of work for nearly 10 years since falling pregnant with our first dc. Had dc2 since then and our family is complete.

I would really like to work again but my confidence and self esteem are on their knees. I've written this post out twice explaining all the reasons why but it's far too long, no one would read it.

There's a job that I would dearly love to apply for, I've just been looking at it and got so excited. Then when it came to the application form I couldn't even bother. Out of work for 10 years looking after children, they won't look at me for a mad minute.

I couldn't even fill.out the application form because I feel so low and rubbish. I've depended on my amazing dh for so long I just don't feel able to do something by myself, just for me.

I've always had low level anxiety but for various reasons it now seems sky high. I used to be so independent, fairly confident. I've totally lost myself and I don't know how to find the way back.

OP’s posts: |
LilyMumsnet (MNHQ) Sun 02-Jun-19 09:19:53

Just bumping this for you, OP. flowers

BlitzenandMikey Mon 03-Jun-19 11:11:51

Hi there,
Take the plunge and apply for the job, you have nothing to lose.

Okay, you have been at home for a few years, but in that time, I am sure you will have acquired many skills? Time managment, managing finances/budgeting/multi tasking? Just because you have been raising your family, does not make you unemployable. What it does mean, is that it may take a bit longer to find the right job (competition can be tough!)

If you can hang on a bit longer, why not enrol on some free courses, to brush up on your IT skills? Or you could do some voluntary work in an area which you are interested in; just to gain some work experience?

Good luck DrQuinn :-)

Densol999 Thu 06-Jun-19 14:29:09

I feel exactly the same ! Ive not worked for 5 years. I have a high separate income stream so I dont need to work but I want to ! Im bored.

I applied for my first job last week - waiting to hear ! scaredexcited !

maddogladyme Sun 09-Jun-19 09:48:05

Hi there

The first thing I'd say is writing your post here is a brilliant thing to do so you are actually over your first hurdle, being honest.

I get it completely, but 99% of this is in your head. I'm sorry if that sounds brash but having been there/done that here are some steps that helped me.

1. Have you thought about seeing a Doctor? If your self-esteem is low perhaps your anxiety levels are high, this is something that your Doc can help with. Councilling is FAB, perhaps you may get some on the NHS, it's a medical condition.

2. Reading - books are BRILLIANT here. Some of my old faves are: Feel the Fear & do it anyway, Jen Sincero is also really inspiring, You are a Badass. They may make you feel a bit cringey but don't - that's just the mind-waffle talking.

3. Podcasts. Ray Dodd is fab, as is Jen Carrington.

4. Recognising your exisiting skills. Running a family and looking after kids in my experience is no different to a full time job or running your own business! I AM NOT JOKING! Be proud of your achievements, did you organise anything outside of the family? A local jumble sale? Have you helped out the PTA? Made something for the Bake Sale at school? These all add up to a willing participant and are achievements.

Finally, there is something called 'Acting As If' it's a good tool. This means that if you are really on the wobble inside, simple 'act-as-if' you aren't! Sounds easy but give it a try. Act-as-if you are a confident returner to work, perhaps read up some more on this, it SO helps in interview situations.

I wish you well. My babes are now 14 & 12 so I've been around the block a few times. Happy for you to DM me if you wish.

You actually, completely rock. x

ssd Sun 09-Jun-19 09:50:59

Nice Post maddo

Densol999 Sun 09-Jun-19 11:30:50

Thanks Maddo, Im going to try some of those too smile

maddogladyme Sun 09-Jun-19 13:44:29

I'm really happy it struck a cord.

Much love, x

DrQuinn19 Sun 09-Jun-19 14:28:34

Thank you for the kind replies and especially to maddogladyme for so much helpful information.

I don't feel sorry for myself but the last few years has included:

*Early years delays for dc1
*Extremely traumatic death of sister
*Cancer diagnosis for parent
*Dreadful second pregnancy
*Birth injury
*Private operation to fix birth injury because NHS wouldn't help me
*2 years of recovery while trying to look after difficult toddler and get back to full health
*Nightmare neighbours that left me mentally unwell

It's all contributed when I look back on things. And they are all pretty much resolved except for losing my sister which nothing can fix. But I'm just not the same person even though my circumstances are technically better.

Also I'm currently weaning off of amitriptyline which I've been taking for 2 years following my operation. It's caused me a lot of weight gain and I think it's keeping me anxious so I'm keen to be rid of it. Coming off it is really hard though.

Sorry if that was far too much.

OP’s posts: |
maddogladyme Sun 09-Jun-19 16:53:55

Not at all. Wow that is so much to deal with, I'm so sorry.

But now, my thoughts are with recovery, and of course, that takes time but it sounds like you are on your way.

Are you having some councilling? Please, please say yes as this helps SO much.

I had a bad experience with number two, actually having kids is simply chuffing hard work, on your body and your mind - it's brutal actually but we tell ourselves to woman-up which doesn't help.

You have been through the mill but I promise there is more out there for you.

It's time for you to rediscover some of the things that you like - I'd try some podcasts first.

Also, and this was a biggie for me - sleep. How are you sleeping? I was brilliant at having a nap in the pm when the babes were sleeping or at school - sometimes I still do and am frankly a much nicer person for it - especially to myself!

I wish you well, a great councillor, some sleep and much rest. Defo see your Doctor, please?

Much love x

dimsum123 Sun 09-Jun-19 17:00:41

If you haven't worked for a while, I'd take small steps towards getting into paid employment. Start with some volunteering in a role you would like to work in. Do that for at least 6 months.

Also enrol on some courses to make sure your IT skills are up to date, and any other course relevant to the area of work you are interested in.

Then start applying for jobs. You will have references to put down and your confidence will be so much higher knowing you have recent skills experience and qualifications to do the jobs you are applying for.

Ponieswithponytails Sun 09-Jun-19 17:02:08

Sorry to hear you've had a rough time.
I have no advice but just to say that you are not alone. I feel the same in terms of no confidence. I haven't had a ‘proper’ job for nearly 6 years. I don’t know how women get back into work after a big break. There must thousands of us in the same boat at any time. I think it’s a waste that employers don’t find more ways of employing home workers.

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