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Am I crazy not to want to go back?

(13 Posts)
oremstango Thu 19-Jul-07 13:56:24

I keep hearing so much about going back to work from peers and feel a bit out of the loop as I have next to interest in returning. I was a well-paid sales director, good at what I did, but I really don't want to leave my ds and enjoy my time with him. That said I have lots of doubts as well and fears of being 'just' a SAHM.

How did you evaulate the decision to go back? Do you feel that there is a right balance that exists in working part-time? Any thoughts at all of great interest...

notasheep Thu 19-Jul-07 13:59:59

'just' a SAHM! much harder work than any other job.
I think it depends how much you need to be identified by your career.
I went back when ds was 2 and a Half,he was ready for playgroup.i work 16hrs a week

oremstango Thu 19-Jul-07 14:02:06

Don't worry- used 'just' as I certainly know how hard it is, just seems the rest of the world doesn't! The assumption now is everyone will go back to work which I find really interesting...

RGPargy Thu 19-Jul-07 14:03:44

I am going to go back 2 days a week. That way i get to have a little break from my LO and also get to keep my identity as a person rather than "just" a SAHM, IYSWIM.

marymoocow Thu 19-Jul-07 14:03:55

I've been a SAHM for nearly 10 years now. I really wouldn't have the time to go to work, and don't know how anyone would fit it in.
Might feel a bit different in September when my last dc starts school (but don't tell dh that )

wonkoswife Thu 19-Jul-07 14:08:26

I have 4 children and went back to work in April last year. I must admit that the extra money was absolutely fantastic but that was about it. I gave up again in October. When I went for my leaving interview I basically told them that I just feel that I need to be a mum. I have 3 boys at school and DD starts nursery in Jan and we are now ttc number 5. I don't know how I'll feel about work when No 5 eventually goes to school but I may try going back to college or something.

Tanee58 Thu 19-Jul-07 14:12:41

I stopped working full time after dd was born - then went temping when my employer said they couldn't fund my jobshare. If you can afford it, and you enjoy being with ds, do be a SAHM. It's your decision, and others shouldn't impose their opinions on you.

That said, you might want to think ahead to when ds starts school. Is yours a career that you will be able to go back to - assuming you'll want to - and if so, will you find that you're too out of touch to resume it at the same level? If so, could you do some part time work or work from home, so you keep in touch? That way you'll have the best of both worlds.

But if you're happy to be at home with ds, then enjoy - those early years pass awfully fast, and suddenly they're hulking teenagers like my dd, and don't hang around the house much any more .

Mung Thu 19-Jul-07 14:29:04

I am a SAHM and I frequently battle with my decision to give up work. I loved my job and after going back just to work the required amount so as not to pay back my maternity pay I really enjoyed having my own identity back again.

I found the decision SO hard, as my peers all seemed to think that you should work. I felt like the only one who was 'giving up' and thats what it was; a failure. The decision was made for me after visiting a few nurseries and seeing some childminders in the park who basically ignored the children(I am not suggesting that all are the same), it just wasn't for me or my DS. So, decision made, I had to deal with it.

Staying at home drives me crazy some days, but on others it is fantastic. Now I have DD too, it seems much more worthwhile, less of a waste somehow.

With regards to working part-time, I think it is a good option. I would love to work part-time and DH do the same, but he claims his company aren't really that flexible and we need his salary more than mine.

In my profession I can also go back fairly easily and I am currently doing other things to add to my CV that will make that more possible.

So, basically, after all that waffle about a subject close to my heart; Stay at home, enjoy DS and if you do need some time out, then work part time. Time flies and we all have many years to continue our careers and rediscover our own identity , but if you waste these precious years with your children now then you cannot get them back

Coriander73 Thu 19-Jul-07 17:37:24

I have gone from a being a full time well paid export sales manager to a SAHM of two under three. I did request part time hours which was rejected (did appeal etc but no go so now am waiting the outcome of the ET claim but that's another thread entirely). The first 7 weeks being at home have been hard to adjust too (of course we miss the money as we did lose 2/3 of our income) BUT I can say with hand on my heart that I have made the right decision not continuing full time. It is bloody hard some days but for the first time since DD was 5 months (she'll be 3 in Sep) I am here for her, seeing what she does with her day, enjoying their company (DS is 10 months), going on little outings, making their food, DD making me cry with laughter, just being their Mum (not the nursery) which is a really really great feeeling.... I also think having number two has made me realise how precious time is & the fact that next year DD potentially could start school makes me want to grab these moments as much as I can....(do hope that doesn't sound too soppy!)

loopyredangel Fri 27-Jul-07 20:35:42

I would love to go back to work but health has stopped me from doing so. I have just started painting again, and make personalised gifts for children, I am taking the plunge and will work from home, have just put a paid ad on here, and already on ebay, because my problems prevent me from being on my feet all the time, this is ideal for me. It happened for for a reason, and I haven't missed out on my son growing up. I have just started DS at a nursery for 2 half days a week to give me some time to paint, and so far so good. Early stages, hopes it keeps growing x

Leati Fri 27-Jul-07 20:52:12


First, What can you afford to do?

Next, What is right for you?

For some women working makes them better parents while others can't stand the idea of leaving thier little one. Don't let any one try to influence you into making a decision that is not right for you and DS.

coleyboy Fri 27-Jul-07 20:56:13

I am a SAHM. When I found out I was pg, both DP and I decided that if it was what I wanted to do, I would give up work.

Infact DP was great. He said that I should see it as an opportunity. I could stay at home, I could go back part time, I could use this time to think about trying something new (I had worked for the same company for ages). Whatever I fancied really.

I had grown up with a working mum and really begrudged the fact that she couldn't be there for sports day, school plays, wasn't back from work when we came home from school etc. Strangely enough my sis is also a sahm, maybe we're bucking the trend?

Anyway after that waffle, once ds was born I knew straight away that I wouldn't be able to leave him. I adore the times we are together, he's like my little mate. How could I give him to someone else to look after? They would have to pay me for the privilege!

Do what you feel is right. You can always go back to work in the future.

funnypeevesculiar Fri 27-Jul-07 20:59:07

I work pt ( 2 days a week from home) Proir to ds's birth I was Director in a small company. Was absolutely dreading going back (lots of responsibility & stress, long hours etc) - so decided to freelance. Best decision I ever made - more control, more time for dcs, but not out of the work 'loop'. Am taking the summer off, & actually really missing work

Is there not a middle road you can walk?

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