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ds (2) upset every morning when the cm arrives to pick him up

(8 Posts)
tribpot Tue 17-Jul-07 13:36:46

Not reall a 'going back to work' story as I went back in November 2005! But anyway. Ds, who has just turned 2, has had the same childminder for nearly a year. She is lovely (and I'm not just saying that because she's an MNer!) and after a few tricky days at the start he's always been raring to go when she arrives.

We moved house two months ago and ever since he has been teary and not wanting to go, and says to me "no [cm's name] day, mummy day" every day. The cm then had a break recently to have a baby, which I think is part of the upset, although he likes the baby and now he sobs every morning when I do the handover (is a bit easier with daddy, and when the MIL was here put up with it without complaint!). It's breaking my heart even though I know he stops crying within seconds of leaving, and always seems perfectly happy when he arrives home.

Is it just a question of grin and bear it until this phase is over? Every morning I come to work desperate to resign even though (a) I like my job and (b) I have to work as dh is chronically ill.

Arrrggghhhhh.

tribpot Tue 17-Jul-07 14:14:05

self-indulgent bump for the afternoon.

legalalien Tue 17-Jul-07 14:47:51

On the basis that anything's worth a try, you might want to try a few variations to the "hand over" routine. My DS goes through phases of either being ecstatic over the nanny's arrival, or devastated at her arrival because he hasn't "finished" with mummy yet. A solution I had a while ago was that he wasn't "allowed" to go into the garden until the nanny came (he loves the garden). Now he just likes to sit quietly with me for about 5 mins after I arrive, and will then cheerfully announce "[R] and [nanny] are going to my bedroom to play now. Go to work, mummy!" Charming.

tribpot Tue 17-Jul-07 21:19:27

Thanks - I think you're right. It's just so horrible, perhaps if we drop him off rather than she come here it might help (it never has previously, but if nothing else it will save her coming out now the school run is off for the summer!). I seem to vacillate between:
- should I find another childminder, but why would that matter
- should I give up work but how would we live if I did
- shouldn't I give up work and let the chips fall as they may
- what the hell am I doing, this is just so much harder than I ever thought it would be.

Etc.

auntymandy Wed 18-Jul-07 20:36:17

oh dear I didnt realise you felt this bad..we need to talk.

CarGirl Wed 18-Jul-07 20:41:15

He had been through a lot with house move and AM having new baby. It is probably all a reaction to that, don't worry completely to be expected tbh

AM probably has more ideas how about creating new rituals as suggested, AM planning some of his favourite things for the following day to give him something to look forward to ie feed the ducks/painting etc Give him something of yours to look after for the day to bring it back to you, choose a toy to take with him?

mandymac Wed 18-Jul-07 20:51:45

Hi Trib (fellow Junie I believe!). We have just been through something very similar with DD, also 2. I had to go away for work for 6 days in May and since then, until literally this week, DD has cried when I drop her at nursery, having previously (since she was 6 months old) been fine and happy to trot in a wave me goodbye. She was also saying 'no nursery' 'don't like nursery' etc. It was really hard, but we worked out a consistent hand over routine, and I made sure I said that I loved her and would see her later and made a swift exit. I also lurked around a corner and realised pretty fast that literally within seconds of being out of sight, the crying stopped - which to me showed that she wasn't really unhappy there, just showing her separation anxiety and protesting about me leaving the best way she could.

Sounds like there have been some changes in your DS's routine which have unsettled him and this is the manifestation of it.

Good news is that over the last week, DD has started going in happily again. But it has taken a few months, although I did see gradual improvements in volume of crying, and amount of clingyness. What seemed to help was a degree of distraction by the nursery nurses, trying to engage DD immediately with bubbles or looking out of the window. Also making the hand over as quick as possible.

I have to say it was a shock and I did find it so hard.

tribpot Wed 18-Jul-07 21:16:58

Oh AM I am really sorry - none of this should reflect on you because you are a fab mum and have many gorgeous dcs who I adore. I always put a brave face on in the morning but it destroys me when ds is upset, even though I know perfectly well that - as you say - within seconds he is fine again. And this morning he even smiled as he waved goodbye, despite clearly wanting to torture his parents into an early grave with the whole "you have abandoned me you are disgraceful" routine (as per normal).

mandymac - our little ones share a birthday, so it does sound a bit par for the course, maybe just glad I am not the only one ...

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