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My families comments about full time work

(59 Posts)
Hays1990 Sun 03-Mar-19 09:22:13

This is the first time posting my own thread, hope you can help! And I hope it’s not too long.

I have been a beauty therapist for 10 years and recently I decided to change my career.

I got a dream job as a part time 1:1 teaching assistant with the hope of one day being a teacher. long story short, it has made me so happy. I LOVE the job, it has made me happier in all other aspects of my life and I believe a better mother because It’s given me something for me plus all the time off in school holidays, which my children love.

The hours are only mornings right now but on Friday I was called to see the headteacher and she said she’s so impressed that she’d like to offer me the chance to interview for full time teaching assistant position and get some qualifications at the same time.

I have never considered working full time with my two children still so young. The hours would be 8.30-3 every day. I was very excited and happy to even be offered this and came out feeling over the moon, even if I didn’t take it.

My husband straight away said go for it, we can sort out childcare and not to feel guilty because I have so much time off with them during holidays. (He knows my first worry would be how it would affect my children)

I went to my mums to tell her and my auntie and nan were there. WELL I felt like I had stepped back in time.

My Nan said something like “the question is, would you rather look after other people’s childrens or your own? Wouldn’t your children feel like you’re leaving them all the time etc etc”

When I asked my mum. She said “well I couldn’t have done it”

My auntie said “you don’t want to work full time, you’ll miss too much of them growing up and they’ll remember that”

Ok so they did come out with some of the concerns I had myself anyway. Like could I forgive myself if I constantly missed their assemblies, sports days, school plays. Because I wouldn’t be able to take time off during term time.

It would be an amazing opportunity for me but I don’t want that opportunity if it means it would impact my children’s life so much that they wouldn’t be as close to me.

Can anyone tell me thoughts on this? Being a good mum is my top priority and that my children feel secure and loved. So if taking this opportunity meant they didn’t, my decision would be easy.

Any full time mums have some positive feedback or even teachers? How do you manage to be involved in your children’s school life if you’re always working in your own.

Many thanks!!
P.s I have such an amazing supportive family and we are very close. I think this is the first time they’ve actually hurt my feelings ever. I think their hearts are in the right place.

Hays1990 Sun 03-Mar-19 09:24:46

Oh and my children are 4 and 2 x

RandomMess Sun 03-Mar-19 09:25:00

How old are your DC at the moment??

Your family are being very short sighted it's wonderful to land a term time only job that you love!!!

RandomMess Sun 03-Mar-19 09:26:51

So youngest off to pre-school and older one going to school soon so they won't be with you for those hours anyway!!!

Ignore your Mum and Aunt, perhaps they feel threatened that you want a fulfilling job and it makes them look less that they never did? Tapping into their insecurities about themselves?

Redken24 Sun 03-Mar-19 09:28:04

Both will be in nursery or school. Term time hours - go for it!

thefirst48 Sun 03-Mar-19 09:28:38

Definitely go for it! You'll still have plenty of time for your children before and after school, weekends and school holidays.

tomhazard Sun 03-Mar-19 09:30:39

I worked full time from my DC being 3 and 5. I am a teacher so get the holidays off- much like you.
I don't feel remotely guilty about it- my children are happy and secure and I am home in time for their dinner, a bit of a play, bath and bed. My DH drops them off in the morning and they are both happy and thriving in school/pre-school.
On the plus side I have a fulfilling career and way more money so we can actually do nice things in the holidays. I would say go for it, it would be a shame to miss the opportunity - modern life is different from a work point of view to how it was when your grandma / mum were parents of Young dc. Most people I know work full time or almost full time with children now

HainaultViaNewburyPark Sun 03-Mar-19 09:31:21

I never stopped working FT. My DC are 13 & 14 and they’re amazing. I have a great relationship with both of them. Plus I have a career I enjoy and a good salary. I don’t think they missed out on anything because I was working.

Mayjane5 Sun 03-Mar-19 09:32:29

Sounds like a great opportunity, ignore what others say do what you think is right for your family, things have changed so much, the hours seem perfect to fit around school, I work full time and don’t regret it at all ☺️

recreationalcalpol Sun 03-Mar-19 09:32:31

Take the job! I’ve been back at work full time since my DS was 16 weeks and it was the best decision. We are comfortable financially and so less stressed, DS a thriving and happy child, I get to drink hot coffee and talk to adults. It’s great!

Think about the long term investment you’ll be making in your pension and future employability. Congratulations on the job OP flowers

madrush Sun 03-Mar-19 09:33:17

School hours, term time work must be the perfect balance for parents with small children. Even better for you if you love the job.

I would consider full time work to be out of the house at least 8am-6pm all year round. That’s a lot when your children are tiny if you have another choice finically.

Your children may have few hours childcare but a parent there for large chunks of wakeful hours. Bonus is that they’ll have a happy and fulfilled Mum too. I’d go for it and ignore pressure from your relatives.

Smoggle Sun 03-Mar-19 09:35:33

8.30-3 39 weeks a year is part time.

Both your children will be in school/nursery soon anyway, and you'll get 30 hours funding.

Missing sports days and assemblies is a shame, but your husband can go to some and if your Head is reasonable they will let you have time for the "big" ones eg first nativity, leavers assembly.

Youmadorwhat Sun 03-Mar-19 09:35:49

Where are you based? Uk?

I’m going to be honest (as a teacher) mine are 5 and 3, I LOVE my job I wouldn’t change it for the world. I have just gone back full time and though it is great I don’t get to do homework with DD as she does it in Afterschool. Reading is always left for parents so I do get to do that. Hours and work/life balance for teachers is VERY different here in Ireland also. I am finished school and I collect my DC by half3. So in terms of childcare my DD (who finishes school at 1.20) has only been in Afterschool for 2hours, DS goes to the Montessori attached to the school (free from 9-12, 4 per hour until I collect) it’s an extra 2 for DD (sibling discount)

it’s great because I still spend time with them after school but I also never get to talk to DD’s teacher if I need to as he is gone by the time I collect her 😂 so I just leave a note with her to give him.

Comefromaway Sun 03-Mar-19 09:38:10

You will be showing your children that women can have a worthwhile career and they can aspire to be whatever they want.

Also as they get older they may well want to go on educational trips, they may need extra support with their schooling, they may develop a talent in a sport or dance or music and your earnings can help pay for that.

Most importantly they will have a mum who is happy and fulfilled and your time spent together will be valued.

Spudina Sun 03-Mar-19 09:38:19

I'm sorry your family aren't being more supportive. It sounds like a great opportunity, and I hope you take it. I don't have experience of being a teacher and missing out on the school stuff, but I haven't been able to go to all of my children's shows etc. My husband has gone to some of the things, and a few have been missed. My children have been very good about that, as they understand that we work. I think having a term time job will be awesome for them overall. (Please take it.)

Hays1990 Sun 03-Mar-19 09:44:45

Wow, those comments actually made me cry. Thankyou so much. Without being too boring, I found myself becoming quite low before I had this job. It has made me incredibly happy to have this focus and the idea that I could progress. I feel like my children also have picked up on my new happiness. They sleep better, we have a solid routine. I read to them every night.

I am always feeling guilty that being a mum should have been enough and awful that I wanted something that was a dream of mine.
I really appreciate you taking the time to reply to me and make my day.

itsboiledeggsagain Sun 03-Mar-19 09:49:03

My family were like this.

My job is 2 and a half days a week.

People are weird

Auntiepatricia Sun 03-Mar-19 09:49:16

I think you need to work on your confidence. You don’t need to listen to the twaddle other people spout about your life. You are the mum, you can decide what’s best for you and them and your family. You already knew the answer so have a bit of faith in yourself and just do a la la song in your head when your mum and aunt start foisting their irrelevant opinions on you.

Tattybear16 Sun 03-Mar-19 09:53:42

Go for it OP, I wish you loads of luck. Ignore your family, you have a supportive husband so go and do what you want it’s a fantastic opportunity. I’ve always been a ft working mum, single parent. You got this.

FogCutter Sun 03-Mar-19 09:54:35

Take the job!

What an amazing opportunity- a job you love, free training and qualifications plus loads of time with your kids after school, weekends and holidays.

Your kids will be in primary school before you know it and TA working hours for fantastically well with that.

My MIL was the same when I went back to work part time (3 full days a week). Told me she cried every day my 1 year old was in nursery (fab nursery which he liked!) and I should not have gone back to work. Funny how she never berated HER SON for continuing his ft job, oh yes that's cos in her world it's the WIMMINS job to look after the kids!

Sorry, offloading there! But absolutely go for the job, it sounds perfect for you and your family!

Hays1990 Sun 03-Mar-19 10:00:17

You are right, confidence has always been an issue for me and I feel this job hasn’t given me some of that back!

Hays1990 Sun 03-Mar-19 10:03:35

Thankyou for giving me some positive stories. I worry about things constantly that my children probably don’t even have an issue with! You all have really helped me and I think I will go for the interview and take each step as it comes.
Also I never even really thought about the point of money. It would be so good for once to have some ‘spare’ money to actually treat them and go on days out without having to worry!

ItsClemFandangoCanYouHearMe Sun 03-Mar-19 10:05:08

I had exactly the same, but I started a new full time job when my youngest was 6 months old. It was absolutely the best thing for my family. My mum said I was neglecting my children, which wasn't true. My children love the nursery they're in and everyone's happier. It was just something I couldn't turn down. Good luck!

Katterinaballerina Sun 03-Mar-19 10:10:23

It sounds like the perfect job opportunity. As for not being able to take annual leave for sports day hmm seriously? This was their best argument? How many jobs would give you 6 weeks off in the summer?

RandomMess Sun 03-Mar-19 10:14:03

Your lack of confidence could well be down to your Mum and Aunt being critical and opinionated..,

Can you actively not invite their opinion and learn to shut down their negativity?

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