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need your thoughts please - am I insane?long sorry

(9 Posts)
LaBoheme Thu 21-Jun-07 13:05:49

I have been back to work PT for 2 weeks now, everything going really well, DD is 6 months and being looked after by DM and she is as happy and smiley as ever bless her.
Anyway a few things I need to get off my chest.
I have put a lovely photo of DD on my desk looking absolutely adorable (I know I am biased but she is cute goddamn it). It is a small office and there are a couple of people who have joined whom I don't know. My Boss picked up the picture and said "is this her?" to which I replied with a big smile "yes, she is such a cutie". Got no reply whatsoever she just put the picture down. Fine. Then other collegues and sometime clients seem to point to the picture and say "is this your DD?" and that's it, no further convo whatsoever...OK Fine. I don't feel the need to bang on about her all the time but it would be nice for someone to at least say SOMETHING.

Then this morning my Boss (a lovely woman in her 50s, who has one teenager who was brought up by his SAHD) asked me if I was still doing night feeds to which I replied yes
"What time?"
"Well last night I fed her at 4 she went stright back to sleep though so it's not too bad"
"OMG LaBoheme that is horrendous does DH not help at all"
"Um...no"
"That is awful you must be so tired I feel so sorry for you"
I am actually thinking I have a result with one night feed and a wake at 7am. Am I going mad? Would love to hear what y'all think - have I just been out of the work place too long?

Songbird Thu 21-Jun-07 13:13:41

You're not going mad. I presume your dh works as well, probably ft, they can't all be SAHDs. My situation is just the same, I work pt, dh ft. As I was breastfeeding he couldn't do night feeds (didn't get on with expressing at all) and even though dd was mostly sleeping through by the time I went back to work (5.5 mths), and with no night feeds, I still got up if she woke and cried in the night. My body was just conditioned that way I think. Even now at 2.2yrs I'm still the one that wakes at the slightest sound.

I had similar experiences at work, hardly anyone commented beyond 'is that her?'. I also work for a small company. The last person to have maternity leave was my boss's wife, and that was 18 years ago! I think things were a bit different then.

Don't worry, it takes a while to get back into the swing of things, but soon it'll be fine

Liska Thu 21-Jun-07 14:00:22

Sounds to me like they have the problem not you. I am still on maternity leave, but a woman at my workplace whose dd is now one year old has pics on her desk, and people will always remark on how lovely dd is. To be honest, some of them (me included, mean woman that I am) don't really mean it - but its just what you do - common courtesy. People also tend to ask banal questions to show an interest - how old, who does she look like etc etc.

But I have found tht those people without children dont really know what to say, so they may just feel awkward.

As for your boss, perhaps she is trying to find a way of communicating/being sympathetic without realising how she is coming across? Sounds to me like she is unsure of how to talk to you about matters maternal - praps you could ask her what her teen was like all those years ago to jog her memory and kickstart some nostalgia.

Liska Thu 21-Jun-07 14:03:25

p.s. should have mentioned though that my workplace is predominantly female, and lots are mothers or grandmothers in recent years.

And my dh never wakes up in the night - his ear just isnt as tuned into her as mine. How you deal with nights is your business.

Lots of luck with it!

LaBoheme Thu 21-Jun-07 14:19:59

Thanks guys I appreciate your thoughts. I think maybe people don't know what to say to me or don't want to initiate a convo as i will keep banging on about being pooey nappies etc. But if you don't have a baby yourself maybe they just find it awkward I don't know..
Yes that's exactly how I felt - the nights are my buisness but also she made me feel as if DD was a nightmare baby to wake for ONE feed everynight. I think she is a little Angel

Liska Thu 21-Jun-07 15:08:44

My dd is 10 weeks - I fantasise about the point when she only wakes once a night! sounds fab to me

Tortington Thu 21-Jun-07 15:12:39

i hate other peoples kids - and i think i am one of a huge and ever growing multitude, in fact it has been at least a couple of years since anyone has brought a baby to the office to "show off" at which point every fucker goes coochy effin coo - and i go out for a fag.


i would indeed having pointed to your kids picture make pleasent small talk - or not point it out at all.

i have a notice board behing me full of pictures of my kids, most people i work with dont have kids anyway - so li like to reminf them that i dont actually stay later than i should becuase i love my kids more and you can stick this job up yer arse if its not good enough - no one is thanking you for being a martyr you know you sad fuck....ahem.

so yes, once pointed out its rude not to make with the small talk.

LaBoheme Thu 21-Jun-07 15:47:29

That's what I thought custado - why point it out and then go silent

and thank-you liska I am reassured now that I am not nuts.

Judy1234 Thu 21-Jun-07 18:45:00

They aren't normal people. I have pictures of the children around and people comment normally on them if they're into children and others don't. Most people who had breastfed their children know you get up for night feeds and husbands can't help. It's common sense. I would just ignore it.

Some companies have a rule about what you're allowed out on desks and have clean desk policies etc so you're lucky pictures are allowed.

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