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how to balance work and family?

(5 Posts)
User95273 Tue 06-Nov-18 15:41:29

Can you still have a high-flying career AND see your children grow up?
My baby is 10months old, I would like to return to the working world once he is 3.
Should I just accept that I will not reach my full potential in my career because
-I had a child
- waited too long to get back to work
- want to spend time with her. ?

I feel a little let down by modern feminism. Making me think I could have it all

OP’s posts: |
Momo27 Wed 07-Nov-18 07:40:45

Yes of course it’s possible, plenty of mums and dads do!

Stop over thinking the whole ‘having it all’ thing (meaningless phrase, no one has it ‘all’) and focus on creating the life you want.

Oh the face of it it sounds as though you’re not very career driven because you’re not intending to return after maternity leave. Which is fine but obviously you’ll need to accept that you’re making different choices from a mum who wants to stay in the work place and returns after ML.

FWIW I don’t feel my career has suffered much, but realistically I would probably have achieved more (and had a slightly better pension!) if I hadn’t worked part time for a few years when my children were babies. If I’d stepped straight back into full time then I could probably have gone a bit further career wise, but doing 3 days a week while the children were under 5 seemed a good trade off to me.

There are so many variables- do you intend to have more children and possibly take another 3 years out? Are you intending to keep your skills up to date while you’re out of the workplace? Do you have a partner who takes your career as seriously as their own?

There are no rights/ wrongs, and nothing is simple once you have kids! We spent several years in austerity because for a while, our childcare bill equated to my take home pay! But then we chose to have 3 children and i took short Maternity leaves because I was keen to keep a foothold in the workplace.

My advice is to completely throw away the ridiculous phrase ‘having it all’, and stop feeling that you’ve been ‘let down’ by modern feminism. (Btw the phrase having it all doesn’t sound remotely modern, it sounds very dated.) Build your life in the way you and your partner want in a way that brings fulfilment for both of you.

ChesterBelloc Wed 07-Nov-18 07:55:50

"Can you still have a high-flying career AND see your children grow up? *"
*
I suspect that, in order to have a high-flying career, it would need to command top priority in your life. If you have children, it becomes more difficult, and perhaps less desirable, to prioritise your career over everything else in your life.

I agree that the trope "Women can and should 'Have It All'" has been unhelpful, and downright inaccurate. There are only 24 hours in the day; every hour that you dedicate to your career is an hour that you're not dedicating to your children. That's just simple maths. Only you can decide what ratio of time you feel comfortable with giving to each of the important parts of your life.

Lazypuppy Wed 07-Nov-18 19:06:06

It is possible to have a career however 3 years is a long time out.

Accept the fact you may have to start over and build back up to the level you were previously.

Also, managing work and nursery is a lot easier than school as the hours are longer so you can do normal office hours, which you can't when they are in school witjout wrap around care

Chocolala Wed 07-Nov-18 19:10:22

You probably can’t have it all ... right now.

But we have loooooong working lives and on them we go up and down in seniority and commitment. So if you want it, trust you are capable and go out and do it. But don’t go for flying high just because you feel you ‘should’.

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