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Don’t want a ‘Proper Job’

(31 Posts)
HebeJeebee Sat 08-Sep-18 10:56:10

So , I’m a Mum of four (16,13,11 & 8) DH works away on a rolling shift pattern (4 on/4 off) doing a job he enjoys with a pension, healthcare etc his salary covers all our living costs but we have to carefully budget , have two ancient cars and an average house etc etc
I work as a dog walker for a local business for a couple of hours a day , £10 an hour .. this fits in well around kids and school holidays as DH is away from home 4 days out of 8 and with kids sporting activities etc it’s down to me to do school pick ups and taxi-ing
I have empty space in my day as dog walking is lunchtime hours .. so I am going today to have a chat about a housekeeping job at a local B&B that potentially will give me an extra three hours a day with a Saturday morning too .. (kids sports are Saturday afternoon and Sundays)
I have also been offered a work trial (bit scary never done one before ) on Monday for a 30hr a week job at a local Outdoor/Camping store .. DH wants me to go for this job as it offers potential for promotion, regular hours ., but it will mean working alternate weekends and he won’t be home for a lot of weekends to take kids to sports etc and to just be at home
I think it’ll be too stressy as will need to be selling , meeting targets etc plus kids will most likely miss out on their hobbies or I’ll have to arrange other parents to taxi them there and my Mum to be around to feed them etc .. he says that’s doable, I think it’s off asking other parents to cover so I can get a ‘proper job’ and I don’t think I’ll have the headspace to be honest , I just want a job I can go and do
DH won’t look at other jobs that mean he’d be home every weekend as he loves his job and I feel I am being pushed into something that causes more stress for me .. or am I just being workshy?

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elkiedee Mon 10-Sep-18 11:19:28

2 teenagers and 2 slightly younger kids and getting them to and from activities? Dog walking? Willing to take on more work in time that's not already taken up with the kids' needs or dog walking? You're clearly not being workshy.

Good luck with the housekeeping job both ways - that it looks like a good opportunity and that they like you. Whether or not you get that job and take it, I think you should show your DH your schedule, or draw one up to show him how it works and how busy you actually are with that.

From what you say the camping retail job doesn't actually appeal to you that much and the idea of relying on up to 4 or 5 arrangements with other parents and your mum every other weekend doesn't seem practical or fair on your kids or your mum, or other parents. Also, what if other parents get really resentful and that affects your kids friendships/relationships with team mates etc? It's potentially stressy for the kids too.

In all this, do you get time off for you? Do you and DH ever get some time off from it all together?

HebeJeebee Wed 12-Sep-18 09:37:53

Thanks for your advice (and support !) I went through my week with him -in the guise of asking him for ideas of how to juggle everything and it was s bit of an eye opener I reckon !!
He agrees I haven’t got room in my head or day for a ‘proper job’ and has now suggested I don’t work at all so I can have some time to myself and reduce stress ... and he can do a couple of days a month working for a friend to get that extra money instead
I cancelled my work trial and didn’t get the Housekeeping job as they found someone who could also work every weekend and school holidays which is understandable, but they will keep me on standby should they need cover.
I do like to earn my ‘own money’ though and have never not worked at something ..but also the thought of having a block of time to go for a swim or out for a walk & lunch when DH is off is appealing too

OP’s posts: |
Orangeblossom1976 Wed 12-Sep-18 09:47:20

Well maybe having a bit of choice will help you feel less stressed, in the same boat here. As the children all get older things will get easier perhaps

PhannyMcNee Wed 12-Sep-18 09:56:56

Go with what you want to do! Similar set up here except do is away Sunday night to Thursday night so a more regulated routine.

I am working part time as an accountant having retrained 5 years ago. I love the job but mostly I love that my boss recognised that my family come first do is happy for me to work for I hours to slot in around the dc.

Dp on occasion has been at home during the week and still hasn't fully grasped the logistics of getting them all where they need to be, when they need to be there!

PhannyMcNee Wed 12-Sep-18 10:00:32

Ah sorry, didn't realise you'd updated!

Still think you should go what works for you - mine are 17,15,11 and 9. I was hoping at some stage they'd be less 'needy' but actually they're getting in worse in some ways because their social calendars are so bloody complicated and spread out grin

Orangeblossom1976 Wed 12-Sep-18 12:51:06

At least as they get older they can get themselves too and form places a bit more, I suppose! (well we would think) ;-)

HebeJeebee Wed 12-Sep-18 15:14:44

Yes hopefully they’ll need my taxi service less soon smile. where we live doesn’t help either as there’s no public transport so they have to cycle to the next village to get a bus to school, town etc

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MigraineMama88 Wed 12-Sep-18 17:03:12

I also don’t want to get a ‘proper job’ either. I mean in reality, if the kids weren’t around then yes I’d love one, but that’s not the case and I have to play the hand I’ve been dealt. My partner and I have 4 between us, potentially at two different schools (don’t ask!) so the ferrying just never stops. If I got a ‘proper job’ then we’d have to figure out a new way of dropping off/collecting and quite frankly, I don’t think that’s worth the extra bit of money we may end up getting. So once my two are found a school (again, don’t ask) I will be looking for something casual that fits around everyone and that I can just go and do as well. I don’t want to have to think or plan or worry about who will pick who up and how. Just something simple I can crack on with and earn my own money. So good luck to you, very jealous of your little dog walking job! Xxx

HebeJeebee Wed 12-Sep-18 17:14:39

Glad it’s not just me
Start Dog Walking wink I also cat/pet sit too

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Ariela Wed 12-Sep-18 18:25:47

Could you do a little bit of cleaning? Couple of hours a day a couple of times a week? Round my area cleaners seem to charge about £12-15/hour, and there seems to be a shortage of cleaners.

Orangeblossom1976 Wed 12-Sep-18 18:45:24

Feel just the same, glad others do as well.

HebeJeebee Wed 12-Sep-18 20:23:28

Yes I did think about cleaning as I usually have Friday off as it’s a quiet day for dog walking ...but I’m not good at ironing confused

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Orangeblossom1976 Wed 12-Sep-18 20:26:43

I used to be a teacher and work in a nursery but now just want to do peaceful things like cleaning or maybe work in a library confused

Nurse12345 Thu 13-Sep-18 08:14:13

I feel the same too!

BlitzenandMikey Thu 13-Sep-18 08:36:24

Same here. Was once a busy teacher, then support worker for parents, learning support for ‘ challenging’ children, Citizens Advice worker; I too wouldn’t mind a more peaceful job, but do they exist? Even cleaning companies seem to want an arm and a leg these days!

I have lost count if the number of library jobs I’ve applied for and never once been shortlisted. Same for the civil service. Oh well, if it’s not meant to be, it’s not meant to be.

OP, do what suits YOU and your family. Life us too short to be doing something that causes additional stress and takes more head space.

HebeJeebee Thu 13-Sep-18 08:38:32

It’s so good to know there’s others out there grinI feel like I should be retraining for a new career .. but lack the enthusiasm, just want a job that doesn’t require much thinking

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PolkerrisBeach Thu 13-Sep-18 08:43:49

I'm in the same boat as you. DH works away a lot and even on days when he's at the office and coming home at night he's away 7am to 6.30pm or 7pm. We have three children and it's down to me to do all the running around to activities, orthodontists, opticians, etc etc etc. I work part time at home but only around 15 hours a week maximum. I sometimes feel guilty about not having a "proper job" but it really just wouldn't work for us. I almost applied for a job as a manager in a charity shop near me but it was 35 hours a week, it would be at least one weekend day, the money wouldn't be much more than I'm earning for part-time freelancing and it would cause the family no end of hassle.

BlitzenandMikey Thu 13-Sep-18 08:49:31

Ditto HebeJeebee!

I’ve spent at least 18 months pondering over retraining and different courses. In reality, I’m not up to the challenge any longer and just want a ‘job’. That said, as soon as the ‘job’ appears, I’m thinking “ what shall I do next?” 😩

HebeJeebee Thu 13-Sep-18 09:15:22

Blitzen - yep that’s me ! Always on the look out for something else , whenever we’re having a skint month or DH is knackered .. I feel a bit guilty I’m not earning more .
Other families seem to do two proper jobs and kids .. but I need to admit to myself I just can’t do it and I’ll probably still be walking dogs when I’m 65

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HebeJeebee Thu 13-Sep-18 09:18:34

Polkerris- I feel your pain 😕

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PolkerrisBeach Thu 13-Sep-18 12:08:21

Hebe - there's nothing wrong with not having a "proper" job. Your set-up works for your family. There's nothing wrong with walking dogs at 65 if you're happy, there's enough money sloshing around the house and your DH is happy with the situation too.

Orangeblossom1976 Thu 13-Sep-18 14:46:20

There is a little cafe near me and the people are lovely, a family running it. I'm seriously thinking of taking up their job of washing dishes and helping in the cafe, it looks lovely. I've got portgrad qualifications and teaching PGCE and feel a bit guilty though, but people make a lot of difference, the locality and lack of stress. It changes things doesn't it family life.

Orangeblossom1976 Thu 13-Sep-18 14:47:26

Dog walking sounds lovely, think of the health benefits also. Out in the fresh air and the exercise, far better for you than being in a sedentary office job, and the stress etc. It's more than just money isn't it,

Orangeblossom1976 Thu 13-Sep-18 14:48:48

Oh, another one I say was Royal Mail looking for temps to sort Christmas post, quite fancy that! Not bad money either and finishes before Christmas too...hmm

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