Risks of Financial Dependency on Men

[Judy1234]

Interesting that she thinks her husband's parents owe her a home. Legally she doesn't have a leg to stand on. Never give up work or don't hire pretty 19 year old nannies.... Or make sure you marry men who won't stray.

May 18, 2007
Husband ran off with the nanny, now his mother tells wife ?go?
Helen Nugent

A mother of three children has been served with an eviction notice by her wealthy mother-in-law after her husband allegedly began a relationship with the 19-year-old nanny.

Claire Hastings, her two daughters and her 18-month-old son must find somewhere else to live after receiving a letter asking them to leave from Louise Hastings, a lawyer. Mrs Hastings, 36, claims that her mother-in-law acted after her husband Robert got together with the teenage nanny, Amy Hillier.

The family had returned to Britain after a business failed in Australia and their home was repossessed. Until recently, they were all living in a cottage owned by Mr Hastings?s parents while they tried to rebuild their lives.

But the marriage fell apart and Mr Hastings, a 31-year-old IT consultant, moved back into his parents? farmhouse, leaving his wife and children in the 150-year-old property. He is later said to have begun a relationship with the young nanny.

Mrs Hastings has had to give up her job as a personal assistant to look after her children, and the gossip has engulfed the Wiltshire hamlet of Charlcutt.

?I am devastated,? she said. ?Not only have I lost my husband but also my home. I cannot understand why Louise is doing this ? she has three beautiful grandchildren. I?ve done nothing wrong ? yet I am being punished.?

She added: ?The two younger children keep asking where their daddy is and what can I tell them?

?I have no idea why his mother wants us kicked out. He just said that if we get divorced ?mother doesn?t want to lose the cottage?.

?My father-in-law John even told me to ?run off and find a council house?. But although I have had to give up work to look after the kids, I don?t want to sponge off the state.?

The Hastings met 12 years ago and moved to Australia in 1999. When they returned to Britain in 2004, they moved into the 200-acre farm and stud owned by Mr Hastings?s parents, Louise, 73, a civil barrister, and her husband John, an architect.

After the young family moved into the cottage 200 yards from the farmhouse, the marriage was under strain. The eviction notice was issued in January, asking for the cottage to be vacated by June 31.

Mrs Hastings said: ?They would never lose this cottage if they allowed me to stay here ? but this is having such a bad effect on the children and I. I can?t believe they are being this cruel.?

Louise Hastings said that the arrangement to live in the cottage was always intended to be temporary and that the eviction notice was served on her daughter-in-law and her son.

Mrs Hastings said: ?They both got an eviction notice which is purely protecting our rights as landlords.

?Claire moved in there as a pro-tem or short-term measure and they both need to sort themselves out. She will have to find other accommodation from the end of June unless she talks to us about extending her lease.?

Mr Hastings added: ?This is a private and personal matter that I really don?t want to talk about.

?Claire and I are getting divorced, but there is no way that my children will be made homeless.?

[PetronellaPinkPants]

She is not dependent on a man but surely on her PILs

[mozhe]

All those SAHMs on the other threads should get over here and read this pretty pronto....and anyone working part time should absolutely up their hours...

[chocolatekimmy]

No way you can marry a man who WON'T stray - its something that could potentially happen in many years to come. Same works the other way with the wife.

I agree that it is a risk, bigger for some people, if you depend on a man financially. I thnk there is often a lack of equality in the relationship in that a man will see his wifey as inferior and won't value her as much.

Maybe this is why some men in this situation do go off and leave the wife, they see her as boring or uninteresting and don't see her for the things she does do like keeping the home and raising the children (takes that for granted).

I don't agree with the 'never give up work' comment though. Suits some people and there are some of us who also dare to work and enjoy part time

[DarrellRivers]

Arghhggh get a life

[lulumama]

of course ,the scales have fallen from my eyes!

I must stop all this doula / SAHM nonsense, get a job equivalent to DHs, work 80 hours a week, so the children rarely see either parent! and employ an ugly nanny!


thank god it has all become clear to me now !

[casbie]

OMG - her hubby is such a waste of space!

[Judy1234]

Male nanny I think you sleep with is supposed to be the trend....

dinosaur, good point...why did she have a nanny if she doesn't work? Stay at home leisure mother then. Following a man abroad and not having security etc and your own job can be risky too.

So children move to council flat presumably.

[expatinscotland]

She did work, however, Xenia.

I think she should sue him in court for maintenance.

This guy's a low-life scumbag and she's better off w/o him anyhow.

[chocolatekimmy]

Just read about it in the paper too. Why do some people just expect to have things given to them for nothing - like a £350k house to live in?

She needs to stop bleating about it and take responsibilty for herself. She has made her own life choices regarding getting married, having children etc. I understand she is in a crap situation and it may be through absolutely no fault of her own but I believe that there is always a reason for someone having an affair and on the whole its not just one person who is entirely to blame.

I have seen several people, in a worse off position than her, pull themselves back up again.

[Judy1234]

Yes, if he has a job she would get maintenance for her and the children but it sounds like they were abroad and may be he doesn't have much of a job since getting back.

[expatinscotland]

'but I believe that there is always a reason for someone having an affair and on the whole its not just one person who is entirely to blame. '

I hope it never happens to you, then.

Nowhere did she say she expected a handout from anyone.

She's trying to do the right thing here.

[casbie]

and what a witch of a mother-in-law!

[expatinscotland]

I agree there, cas. I'd be furious if my son did that to his wife AND his kids, too. Kicking them out would be the last thing on my mind.

But then, maybe that's where he learned to be such a git from - in his own home.

[Stigaloid]

Mozhe - your argument is seriously flawed

"All those SAHMs on the other threads should get over here and read this pretty pronto....and anyone working part time should absolutely up their hours... "

Point being that the mother DID work and hired a nanny to do her child rearing for her, which resulted in the nanny running off with the husband. Perhaps if she'd been a SAHM this wouldn't have happened?

I don't care if people work or don't work - it's thier lives - have to wonder what's missing from other people's lives that they have to impose their small minded version of 'what's best' on others rather than just 'live and let live', but hey ho......

[Stigaloid]

"Just read about it in the paper too. Why do some people just expect to have things given to them for nothing - like a £350k house to live in?"

-sigh- it wasn't given to her - they were renting it and the MIL has offered to extend the lease if the DIL contacts her through the appropriate channels. It doesn't sound liek she expected anything - except a bit of compassion from her family with regards to her living arrangments and that of her DC's

Personally i'd move out and cut off contact from the lot of them.

[Genidef]

I saw this story too - and had planned to post about it. I can't work out from the detail of the story whether she did actually work or not and for what reason the nanny was required. However, that is blindingly not the point - she is not accountable for her husband's decision to shag around. And people who wear short skirts - go on, date rape is their fault. Let's get going on that one!

However, this happened with some regularity among my mum's friends and acquaintences and to be honest, it did have a major impact on me feeling that I had to protect my economic position and be ready to secure my children's future. It could even be why I'm a full time working mum today.

[Judy1234]

Mr H says - there is no way my children will be made homeless. I wonder what he's planning then - to buy them a house, to rent somewhere for them to stay?

If she wants council housing then she needs to be evicted formally I think. The nif her housing needs are met I suppose that means her ex husband gets a bit more than if they aren't etc.

[MamaMaiasaura]

I love you littlebunny

[chocolatekimmy]

expats..... - Hope it never happens to you - whats that supposed to mean?

I hope it doesn't too as I work hard at my marriage and when things have been a bit difficult at times I have also worked hard to make our relationship better.

I still think that it is probably a minority of cases whereby only one person is to blame. People change and couples become incompatible and maybe the relationship won't last anyway, regardless of if infidelity is present. Some people should probably never get married in the first place as they have no intention of remaining faithful but thats something you don't know at the time.

I know a few people that have had affairs and in every case there were issues within the relationship beforehand. I don't for a moment think that gives someone an excuse for going off to shag someone else but some people don't seem to want to (or are incapable of) try to work at a relationship.

I would be interested to hear the husbands side of the story. I also can't understand why she has gone to the papers about this and allowed her three young children, who are going through enough already, to be photographed for the national press.

[unknownrebelbang]

""Mrs Hastings has had to give up her job as a personal assistant to look after her children""

Think that answers your query Genidef.

[Judy1234]

Ah... so presumably he is happily ensconsed with the nanny and she is left on her own with the children. But surely the nanny should be looking after the children. Anyway what a mess and certainly going to the papers will not have helped her in any subsequent divorce negotiations, if she did rather than her husband or someone else.