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Terrified about going back to work

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2chov Thu 10-May-18 20:37:46

I left a fairly senior position in the public sector in 2012 when I was 39. I was burnt out and had serious family issues.

The family issues continued for about 5 years, and I did consultancy/freelanced my way through, with contracts slowingly declining in value and frequency.. The family issues came to a head in 2017 and I stopped work altogether and survived on (meagre) savings and benefits for about 6 months, dealing with family stuff full-time, then went back to uni (mainly as a workplace avoidance mechanism).

I've applied for a women returner programme, and I think there's a very high chance I'll get accepted. If so, I start back at the end of the month.

I went shopping today for professional clothes and had a massive crisis of confidence. I've got fat...I never really noticed how fat before, but I'm fat. I look old, again I never really noticed this. I felt like I was playing dress up. I'm scared, really scared. Even tho I know that its a women returner programme, I'm scared that everyone else is going to in their 20s and chatting about babies. My kids are now all into double figures.

I have a great deal of professional experience, but I feel like its long gone. I feel like a has-been that is pretending that they can still do. I really really really want to go back to work. I want the challenge again, and the interaction and the direction, but I am so so scared.

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