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I wasn't ready to return

(23 Posts)
mummytomaxwell Sat 07-Apr-18 23:32:31

I had my little boy 4 1/2 months ago. I returned to work 5 weeks ago and I honestly was not ready.
I went back to work early due to my other half losing his job because we needed to have some money coming in.
When I started back I told my boss I only needed a few days (16-20 hours) because I wanted to earn enough to support us but not be away from Max for too long. Not only that but he's giving me stupidly long shifts and I'm also covering for other staff too.
Anyways now I'm regretting it, me and OH split and I'm relying on my mum to have my son otherwise I'd not be able to work. My mum has two young autistic sons so her home life is already difficult enough without adding a baby to it.
Sorry for the rant I just have no one I can get advice from and I just really don't know whether it's what I should do.

AjasLipstick Sun 08-Apr-18 03:34:14

Can't your ex have your son whilst you work? Honestly OP I really feel for you....it IS very soon to be back at work, but I promise you that it IS better than the alternative.

yikesanotherbooboo Sun 08-Apr-18 09:32:11

Sorry that you are being forced into this situation. It is early to be separated from your baby and of course vice versa but remember that until about 15 years ago 12 weeks maternity leave was the norm and I knew many women at that time who went back even sooner.you need the income to best care for your child , you are doing the right thing. I am so sorry

yikesanotherbooboo Sun 08-Apr-18 09:33:48

Ps childcare sounds a nightmare and I would be looking for different work. Agree , can your ex not care for DC at antisocial times?

MaybeDoctor Sun 08-Apr-18 09:39:57

I remember a similar thread a while back and the OP was able to go back on maternity leave, as she was still within the maternity pay period. Could that apply to you?

Momo27 Sun 08-Apr-18 09:46:14

I’m an ‘oldie’ who went back to work when dd1 was 12 weeks. It only sounds strange now because ML is much longer - honestly it was totally the norm back in the day.

The issue here seems to be more about childcare. Why on earth isn’t the child’s father doing the childcare? You returned to work early because he lost his job, so the only logical thing to do is for him to provide the childcare so you can earn. Your mum is already caring for 2 children with high level of needs so it’s unrealistic to expect she can properly give a baby attention too. And ridiculous when the baby’s father is unemployed

Madeline18 Sun 08-Apr-18 09:52:45

I went back to work early on as I am the main breadwinner. It is very hard but you need to remember that you are doing it to provide a lovely life for your child.

However your ex needs to step up. My partner was a stay at home dad, no way he would laying around unemployed while I worked and organised childcare.

mummytomaxwell Sun 08-Apr-18 19:21:33

My ex works in a pub too which is 6 days a week and our shifts overlap a lot which means he's unable to help. I will have to talk to my boss, I wish it wasn't so hard. I got paid more maternity pay that actual working wage so it's not helped one bit

Momo27 Sun 08-Apr-18 19:37:29

As the child’s father is now working, you need to find suitable childcare and share the cost between you. Same for couples who are still together and both work. The issue is really about not having suitable childcare (and also that you were in the unusual position of being paid more on maternity leave than when actually working, which begs the question of why you returned to work so soon!)

But like I said, many of us were back working with 12 week old babies; yes it’s hard work and honestly it makes me realise how comparatively easy it is now when you can wean your child and hopefully get it into a better sleep routine before adding a job into the mix. But it is all doable and in your position you just need to sort childcare and get into the swing of it

StealthPolarBear Sun 08-Apr-18 19:40:32

"mummytomaxwell

My ex works in a pub too which is 6 days a week and our shifts overlap a lot which means he's unable to help."
Not help. Care for his child. Like you do. Why should you do it by default and he "help"?

mummytomaxwell Sun 08-Apr-18 19:50:29

Stealth he doesn't see it as look after his baby. I've done everything on my own since day one sad I'm on £5.60 an hour and childcare is £7.50 at least in our area. That would be all of my wage as he would offer much

Momo27 Sun 08-Apr-18 20:02:04

Where do you live that a childminder is £7.50 an hour? Day nursery possibly, but childminders are cheaper. And why did you say you had to return to work early for financial reasons and then say you were paid more while on maternity leave than when you were working?

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat Sun 08-Apr-18 20:07:34

Why are you only earning £5.60ph? Minimum wage is much more. And there are very few places childcare costs £7.50ph.

mummytomaxwell Sun 08-Apr-18 20:15:07

I'm 20 so my wage is lower. I've looked online for childminders round my area that are at least £7. I definitely couldn't afford that. I barely have enough money to get to and from work because I work daft hours which involves a £10 taxi every night shift.
I spend only what I can afford and the rest is for bills. I am struggling more whilst working than I was beforehand. I feel very stuck

rollingonariver Sun 08-Apr-18 21:00:18

Have you looked into help with childcare and different benefits?
I worked in a pub before I had my DD, I'm now an accountant on a good wage and even better hours. My life is practically perfect when I was in almost your situation (admittedly without a child) two/three years ago! Maybe try applying for some admin jobs and look into Universal credit to help to pay for childcare 😊

rollingonariver Sun 08-Apr-18 21:01:15

So sorry that sounded like a brag, I'm just referring to the fact that I wouldn't have believed I couldn't get a better job at that time.

TalkFastThinkSlow Sun 08-Apr-18 21:04:33

On that wage, you should be entitled to help. Try the website entitledto, to do the calculations.

Also, your ex should be paying some kind of maintenance if you are the primary carer.

Momo27 Sun 08-Apr-18 21:25:54

You could always set yourself up as a childminder if the going rate is £7 an hour in your area and you earn under £6 an hour. You’d also have no childcare costs. It’s worth seriously considering. I know when my children were small their childminder in effect earned more than I did (although on paper I earned more) because she had no childcare costs for her own daughter

mummytomaxwell Sun 08-Apr-18 22:28:43

Momo do you require child care qualifications to be a child minder? I'm only 20 so I'm not sure I'd be eligible to do that? That's a good idea though.
I'm earning £120 less than I would if I was receiving SMP.

shortcutcity Sun 08-Apr-18 22:35:55

I was 100% talk to your boss about going back on maternity leave, it seems silly to waste money that you are entitled to. Are you claiming Child Benefit and Working Tax Credits? Anyone can get these, pretty much.

shortcutcity Sun 08-Apr-18 22:36:11

*Would

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat Sun 08-Apr-18 22:40:19

Childminding is an actual career that should be carefully considered before embarking on, not just fallen on to because it seems like an easy option. It’s not. It’s long hours, hard work and requires passion for child development and desire to provide quality care for little ones. Mindees and their families deserve that, not someone who has fallen in to it because it means they don’t have to pay for their own child care.

mummytomaxwell Thu 13-Sep-18 22:50:02

I've also been to a solicitor to find out about our rights but unless I want to drag it through court and claim he lives permanently with me there's still no chance of it definitely being supervised contact

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