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Grandparents as childcare - discipline

(6 Posts)
OhHolyJesus Sun 25-Mar-18 16:01:46

Hoping to return to work, nothing definite yet. My parents are moving closer and have offered to have DS (2) one day a week. Would have nursery the other two days.
I know they would never smack him when naughty (like they did me) but fear they would not discipline as I do or frankly cope with the tantrums like I do. I have specific methods of communicating to talk him down I don't think they would grasp the point if or follow.
I've seen other GPs struggling when out and about and I worry that my parents in their 70s will not physically cope or be mentally prepared for this. Do others have experience of this and how can you make some parent as you would in your absence?

Let me be clear, I have not asked for their help with childcare, they have offered and I do not have a job on offer at the moment. Just looking for advice. So far they have only ever babysat when he was asleep or for an hour or so when awake.

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Dingdong1975 Sun 25-Mar-18 17:11:35

Lucky you that they offered smile

Is it only once a week? How does your LO behave normally with his GP? It seems like a nice way for them to bond. GP normally spoil their GC so don't be surprised if they don't follow the same rules because they never be the same smile

My mum keep feeding mine junk food but only once a week so It's okay, that is my memory to my GPs too and I love my memories. In terms of behavior, mine let them get away with naughtyness, I dont think my kids threw much tantrum at GPs anyway so that's not much of an issue to me, we do discuss how we should be consistent when we need to though.

OhHolyJesus Sun 25-Mar-18 18:10:49

He's delightful with them and makes them laugh lots but has his moments. My mum always says 'don't cry', not because she can't bear he mouse but more that she can't handle him being hurt or upset. I always tell him to cry until he feels better.
My dad doesn't really know what to do with him or how to play with him which I find really upsetting. He's been known to ignore him simply because he doesn't know how to interact with.

He would never come to any harm with either/both but I'm not sure they would enjoy t enough to keep it going or DS wouldn't play up for attention.

I'm not even sure I can return to work if I'm feeling uncomfortable with the childcare situation.

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DorisDayisMe Sun 25-Mar-18 18:11:21

It is quite likely that he might not tantrum for them. My GCs always behave differently when they are with us. However, I would wait until DS is a little older. You know that children change very quickly and he may grow out of this soon. As he gets older he will be much easier for them to care for especially in communicating his needs to them.

I am also 70, I have been caring for various GCs for 23 years. Although the youngest 4 are lovely, I do find it harder to look after them than I did the older ones. Mainly because I don’t have the same physical strength now, but also because things have changed in childcare. Not just from when I had my children, but also from when I was caring for the older ones.

I think that looking after him one day a week will be great for them and DS, but more enjoyable and less stressful for you when he is a little older.

DorisDayisMe Sun 25-Mar-18 18:22:54

We were posting at the same time and I see that you Dad may not be fully on board with looking after him. Due to working abroad, my DH was not around much when our DCs were small and he also finds it harder to interact with the GCs when they were very little. He has a great relationship with them all now, but did not really involve himself with them when they were tiny. I think in light of your later post, I might just ask them to help as emergency care and odd half days at weekends.

When you structure GP childcare into your plans, it really does have to be failsafe. My DD, my DiLs and myself had a very open and honest discussion about what we all expected of each other with regard to this right at the very start. It worked out really well for all of us, but I know many other GPs who feel resentful and stressed. Even when they have volunteered their time.

OhHolyJesus Sun 25-Mar-18 18:50:43

DorisDayMe that's so helpful and actually has helped me make up my mind. I think they can be there in emergencies but actually I can't have them take on this commitment and have it as a burden. I'd really like my Dad to develop a relationship with DS more naturally. I'll have more of a think as to whether it's the right time for me to return to work. I feel differently if I am paying someone to care for my child but the terms are very different as weekly favour. I have to take it or leave it.

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