Good news and bad news

[mollipops]

I'm new to this area of mumsnet, and that's because up until tomorrow I have been a sahm for the last 3 and a half yrs or so.

The reason for my title is that, when I got the job (the DAY of the interview, despite having been told they weren't deciding until the week's end) it was good news I thought, and I was excited and proud of myself. It's a part-time role, just 14 hrs a week, which I thought was perfect. But since then it seems that everyone I tell construes the fact that this means ds (aged 3yrs 3m) will be going to childcare, as bad news. I have gone from feeling good about it (and it was not a decision made lightly), to feeling guilty and selfish and uncaring. I had felt it would do ds good to interact with some other children before starting kindy next year, and that he would enjoy some independence and so would I. Now I feel worried he won't be looked after, and that he will fret and his behaviour and sleep will suffer. I worry I won't cope with the routine, and getting dd off to school in the mornings as well as getting ds and myself ready. I haven't even started to worry about my own job and training etc!

It's not even that I haven't done this before, as dd went to a childcare centre for about a year (15 months to 26 months) and although I was part-time then too, I worked more hours than I will be this time. I had no qualms about leaving her, and there seemed to be less "pressure" then, unless I was just oblivious to it at the time.

I know that lots of you will relate to how I am feeling so I'm here to ask how you coped with it? I found it quite a shock, the reaction of some friends, family members and even those people I hardly know. I was hoping they might be a little more supportive! I know I can find support here even if nowhere else on this planet, so please be kind to me!

[mollipops]

oops

[pob]

Mollipops, you must try to get back to your original feeling of excitement and ignore the comments!!! When I worked, I had lots of comments re. oh I couldn't do that, she's so young, etc...which, as with you, really impacted on me; now I'm at home, people keep asking when I'm going back to work! With routines, you will cope, just as you coped before! If your dd is anything like mine, she'll love having some time in childcare mixing with others. Starting the induction before you go back, so she feels comfortable there before you start, should also ease your worries. The bottom line is that you know what you need and nobody else does!

[sis]

mollipops, first of all, congratulations on the job, I hope you enjoy it.

I've worked full time since ds was 6months old and have come to the conclusion that only people who disagree with our choice will voice their views whilst those in agreement with us will simply accept the decision.

The most important thing to work out is whether your ds is going to be okay with the childcare - if he is happy then who cares what anyone else thinks? If you haven't already done so, you may want to try your ds out at what ever childcare you will be using so that it is not a big shock to him when you start your job.

[MotherofOne]

Mollipops - ignore unhelpful comments like those you've received and follow your instincts - you know if you want/need to work and it's no on else's business quite frankly!
The other advice here is sound - you'll only be relaxed and happy with your decision (and stop beating yourself up about it) if you are reassured that the childcare you have chosen is good for your ds.
If it's any consolation, I've been through someting similar recently - both dh & I took 'voluntary' redundancy in the first half of this year. The plan was always that dh would find another job by mid-year and I wouldn't start looking until the end of the year, as I am expecting our 2nd child within the next month. Anyway, long & short of it is that when I was 5 months pg I saw a job advertised which was a) local b) perfectly suited to my skills c) better paid than my last one, so not expecting to get it I applied anyway (and didn't tell them at interview I was pg). I got a 2nd interview and at that point (6 months pg!) I told them (they hadn't noticed!!). Imagine my surprise when they were fantastic about it and offered me the job - but deferring the start date until Jan 2003.
I was hugely excited about it (albeit a bit apprehensive about working fulltime with 2 kids) but also, truth be told, felt I also didn't have to think too hard about accepting it since it takes the pressure off us financially - especially until dh sorts himself out.
However, like you, apart from one very good friend I've had nothing but raised eyebrows and unhelpful comments from everyone who I've told.
What's worse is that I think that dh, although terribly supportive about it, must feel a bit frustrated and perhaps undermined by my job offer when he is working so hard at finding his next job. As a result, there have been times when people have said things like "why on earth would you want to go back to work full time when you've got such a little baby?" and I've felt like screaming 'Cos someone has to pay the bills!' but have stopped myself for dh's sake.
As someone on another thread said - the majority of children aged 3+ get some experience of day care/nursery, and IMO it's a good way for them to begin the preparation process for 'big school'.
So,
-pour yourself a glass of wine & pat yourself on the back - you deserve it girl!!

[SofiaAmes]

Mollipops, enjoy! You couldn't get anything more perfect....14 hours a week. I went back to work sort of full time (my hours are really flexible and often I only end up working 3/4 time) when my son was 11 mo. old. I did it for me as I don't have to work for financial reasons. I just need the adult intellectual stimulation. As long as you are at a job you enjoy, it will make you a happier person and your ds will benefit from the extra stimulation that you are getting. And if the childcare is good your ds will benefit from that too. I have the most wonderful childminder who is far more patient with my son than I could ever dream to be. She loves looking after him and he loves her. And being with other children all day has really benefitted him.

[tigermoth]

Mollipops, just caught up with your news. Congratulations on getting your job. Just close your ears to those negative comments - you know your son the best.

[bloss]

Message withdrawn

[Deborahf]

Millipops - first congratulations on your job. It sounds absolutely perfect - just the sort of thing I'll be looking for in about a year's time:-)))

Your ds will really enjoy having someone else to play with - and will tell you all about it when you come home - I know because I had to work full-time when my ds was born. I am lucky enough to be a sahm now with the arrival of dd and am enjoying every minute of it.

However, I'm sure that the time will come that I need and crave the contact of adults in a work situation.

Go have that glass of wine and enjoy your new job.

[mollipops]

Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to reply! First day over with for both of us, and we both went really well!

As I put in my reply to the duplicate thread below, deep down I think my main concern was with the quality of the childcare centre...it is always a bit of an unknown, esp when you don't know anyone else whose child goes there. Ideally of course it would be a family member, but my mum and both sil's work full-time, and my mil & fil are retired but live too far away (just over an hour each way). But I think it will all work out in the end, at least for now. Once ds starts kindy 4 half days next year it might be a bit of a juggling act - I will have to really impress my employers between now and then, so they might be willing to be more flexible with my hours!