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Help!!! Just overhead another job candidate in toilet say this before interview!!!

(81 Posts)
Annie105 Tue 31-Oct-17 13:21:53

So I'm 45 minutes early for a second round of interviews. The recruitment consultant got my time wrong as the interviewers requested a 45 minute break for lunch....Anyway first interview I sailed brought they loved me I loved them really nice people quite informal work environment and I am here today to meet the founders of the company.

The recruitment agent put me forward and the other candidate came from elsewhere.

ANYWAY!!! So I'm still in the toilet cubicle as I went to loo to kill time and redo makeup and I just overhead a woman come in and make a quiet phone call saying the interview for this role went really well, they discussed salary and she mentioned her figure (helpful as I was going lower!!) and they also asked her right at the end in the "chatty part" if she had any family. She said she wasn't offended by them asking and in talking on phone laughed to whoever it was saying I know imagine I was pregnant answering that so she said "yes have two, one at nursery one at school and they asked her if she had any plans for a third!! " She said to her friend or whoever she was on phone with of course I told them no because who has time for a third but I might who knows.

Now me. I have one. He has just turned one. I've been looking for a job since got made redundant in February and I think I have a real
Shot at this job. However they are inevitably going to ask me that question, rightly or wrongly. Obviously I can avoid it, I can lie, I can call them on it. I want a second but it's unlikely as my first was after 3 rounds of IVF. But we really want to try.

What am I going to say? I don't want to ruin my chances but my face is one of hose which just can't lie!!!!!!! Help!!!!! I need and want this job!!

ThisisrealityGreg Tue 31-Oct-17 13:24:05

I don't think it's legal to ask that question.

If they ask they're being twats so either call them out on it or lie and don't feel bad at all.

Annie105 Tue 31-Oct-17 13:24:19

It gets more interesting one of the founders I assume just came in too and said to her on way out great interview we look forward to being in touch 😭

Shouldileavethedogs Tue 31-Oct-17 13:25:31

My understanding is it's illegal to ask those questions. In any case I would say you're more than happy with 1. Don't put obstacles in your own way. If you fall pregnant later it's none of their business until you reach 20 or so weeks. Can't remember exact time you have to notify. Good luck

NapQueen Tue 31-Oct-17 13:25:32

They are completely wrong discussing those things with her at interview and it would put me off wanting to work for them.

I suppose you could reply along the lines of "I find one balances well with work" or as i would be tempted to do "is this a suitable interview question?"

ThisisrealityGreg Tue 31-Oct-17 13:26:17

From the gov.uk website:

Questions you can’t ask when recruiting
You must not ask candidates about ‘protected characteristics’ or whether they:

are married, single or in a civil partnership
have children or plan to have children

Shouldileavethedogs Tue 31-Oct-17 13:26:52

Or you could say I hear congratulations are in order for the previous lady. She pregnant. grin

Firstaidnovice Tue 31-Oct-17 13:29:15

So, this isn't particularly helpful, but it is discriminatory to ask this in interviews. The interviewing panel should definitely not be asking any candidates about their pans to have children, it is in effect indirect sex discrimination.
Your issue is that if you answer honestly, and don't get the job, it's very hard to prove it's because if that question, or realistically, not that easy to actually make a claim on that basis.
I would probably make a shocked face, decline to answer, and then contact their HR department afterwards to let them know, but that's not particularly helpful if you actually want the job.

Firstaidnovice Tue 31-Oct-17 13:30:23

plans obviously

Mehfruittea Tue 31-Oct-17 13:31:04

I have one through IVF and would dearly love another. But it’s not going to happen realistically. Just say one is enough for me and we certainly won’t be having any accidents!! Good luck!

Swizzlesticks23 Tue 31-Oct-17 13:40:04

Just say no immediate plans.

Good luck let us know how it goes.

DeleteOrDecay Tue 31-Oct-17 13:44:09

What would happen if you called them out and said something like “sorry, I don’t think it’s legal for you to ask me questions like that”.

I guess the obvious answer is that they wouldn’t hire yousad It’s disgusting that despite laws in place employers can still gets away with discriminatory behaviour like this because they hold all the power.

GrumpyOldBag Tue 31-Oct-17 13:55:01

Is there an HR person sitting in on the interview?

They should not be asking that question. I would decline to answer and refer to the HR person if they are there.

london123987 Tue 31-Oct-17 13:56:37

As they are illegally asking the question I reckon it’s ok to lie and clearly state that you think one is enough and that you are ambitious and would like to continue with your career, at least for the foreseeable future.

Good luck with the interview. I’m hoping you get the job and your second baby. Xxxx

2017RedBlue Tue 31-Oct-17 13:57:08

Just go for the interview. Do your best. You could say to that question:

"no we had IVF for our first so the chances of a second are highly unlikely unless we really decide to pursue it. I'm not sure I could go through that all over again. I'm blessed with one and I'm ready to focus on my career now" And leave it at that.

That's almost as concrete as the other lady's answer. She's lied. So I guess to keep with her, you need to lie too.

I hope if you want another one you succeed - but of course it might not happen, so lie or do whatever you need to do to get the job. She might fall pregnant, you might fall pregnant. Same same.

It may be illegal to ask this question but having been on both sides of this equation, I can see why people ask it.

Definitely don't call them out if you want the job. Some people live in cloud cuckoo land on here.

idea888 Tue 31-Oct-17 13:58:58

Just say you always wanted just the one child and then to focus on your career - what do they expect people to say? I don't think you'd be doing yourself any favours by calling them out on this in the interview (unless it's a test question and the job is a recruitment consultant or employment lawyer?), but if you get the job definitely follow it up (once your probation period is over).

Annie105 Tue 31-Oct-17 13:59:13

Thanks ladies! God it's hard being a woman everyone is obsessed with your choices. No children. Children. 1 child. Or 20!

I've had a hard going couple of years and just feel my self esteem is shot work wise now. They have a quasi office manager HR person but she doesn't seem to be formally HR led. I'll let you know how it goes!!!!

dudsville Tue 31-Oct-17 14:00:14

Use your "can't lie" face to show shock at them asking you. That way you still look uncomfortable but about them asking an illegal question.

jollyjester Tue 31-Oct-17 14:00:16

I would say something along the lines of

'My current family home life will not impact on my ability to fulfil the role

As previously stated it is illegal to aak but it doesn't stop firms

zippydoodaar Tue 31-Oct-17 14:00:26

Well, they shouldn't be asking you that question at interview so I would lie and tell them exactly what they want to hear..... "NO" with whatever fabricated reality you want to tell them.

I just despair about employers I really do.

Starlight2345 Tue 31-Oct-17 14:03:05

I would also lie . When it crops up in the future I would point out it is a illegal question

Judashascomeintosomemoney Tue 31-Oct-17 14:03:47

My understanding is it's illegal to ask those questions. which is presumably why they bring it up in the ‘friendly chat’ at the end of the interview so they can claim it’s not an interview question whilst still getting the info they want. Could be cynical of course, maybe they’re just genuinely interested.....not.

oldlaundbooth Tue 31-Oct-17 14:04:08

Good luck op xxx

Judashascomeintosomemoney Tue 31-Oct-17 14:05:48

Actually, they asked if she had ‘any family’? So if they ask you the same just say, yeah, a mum/dad/sister/brother/aunt/uncle delete as appropriate! smile

HeteronormativeHaybales Tue 31-Oct-17 14:09:00

If they consider it acceptable to ask this question, you should not have the slightest hesitation in telling them what they want to hear and then doing whatever you damn well please with your personal life.

Good luck.

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