Interview anxiety ruining my chances to get back into work

[Dauphinoise]

I've had a 5 year work gap due to being a SAHP, but DD is now at school so I can return to work. Which I desperately want to do. But dear God, my interview anxiety is just awful and I'm wrecking my own chances of jobs I know I could do, and do well at, as a result of it.

I do great applications, I get the interview date, I research, plan and prepare... but then at the actual interview I become so nervous and anxious I turn into an absolute gibbering idiot! I waffle, I talk nonsense, my voice shakes, I physically and visibly shake and I forget everything. Sometimes I literally just freeze and go completely blank.

Inside I'm cringing at myself so much I feel I'll turn inside out! The interviewer/s must either pity me or be laughing about me afterwards.

I don't know how to get this under control. I'm already on anxiety meds, which work great in any other situation. But interviews just terrify me and it feels that no meds or calming techniques will resolve it.

I don't know what I expect from writing this, I just needed to let it out. I had an interview yesterday that went exactly the same way. I don't tell anyone about my interviews as I worry the pressure of letting my family down will increase the anxiety even more. But I don't have anyone to talk to and I just want to cry on someone's shoulder...

[FlowerPot1234]

What I'm going to tell you is not conventional wisdom.

Regard them as a chat.
Realise it's as much about you checking them out as it is about them checking you out.
Understand that it is pretty stressful for an interviewer too, they are not as relaxed as you think they are.
Wear formal but relaxed clothes and sit comfortably. Being pristinely turned out and sitting upright is only what very junior candidates or graduates do.
Don't plan too much. Read around and once you know what kind of interview it's going to be, have a few evidence examples up your sleeve.
Arrive just before you go in, not in a rush, but don't sit around for ages.
I say it again - go in as if you were meeting a friend and catching up on social news. Just chat away and smile and create a two way conversation.

[Dauphinoise]

FlowerPot I've honestly tried all of what you've suggested, but it just never works if I feel intimidated or inferior. I've been for basic national minimum wage jobs and still had to face a whole board of interviewers with a complex interview and testing process, and I just want to run away! Its often so 'corporate' and overly formal, and I just can't bear it. The only jobs I've ever got is where the interviewer has been relaxed and not over the top about it all. Too formal and Im a wreck.

RedBlue
Find a public speaking group and start going
I didn't realise any such groups existed, however this sounds like my worst nightmare!

Do you worry about what people think of you? Are you a people pleaser? Do you find it hard to put yourself first?
Yes, I'm very self-conscious after years of bullying at school and home. Counselling/therapy/CBT etc has never 'cured' the deep mental scars. Yes, I do especially like to please an employer, I like to do a good job and for that to be recognised and appreciated. And yes, I feel selfish and guilty if I put myself first. I'm not very good at it.

You could look for a good NLP coach
What is an NLP coach? It sounds like I couldn't afford one!

Could you be happy if you never worked again?
No, I would feel useless, bored and not much of a role model to my son. I also think my DH would get cheesed off if I just decided to not bother ever working again and leave the financial-providing to him alone. Plus, financially, we're just scraping by every month. We could really do with an additional income.

Could you set up a business
My dream is to be able to work for myself, but my skills are limited. I didn't go to college or university as my parents wanted me out working and bringing money home as soon as I left school. I've sat and dreamt up so many different business possibilities, but all require money I don't have, to start them up. And I have no business qualifications and wouldn't even know where to begin.

Stop seeing interviews as your only route to the life you want
True, I do see the interview as a huge hurdle. The hurdle to being able to help provide for my family and no longer feeling like a waste-of-space free-loader, and if I don't make it, I'm a massive loser and a let-down. The more I don't make that hurdle, the more of a loser I feel, and the more it knocks my confidence. And I just go round in a vicious anxious circle.

[FlowerPot1234]

My dream is to be able to work for myself, but my skills are limited. I didn't go to college or university as my parents wanted me out working and bringing money home as soon as I left school. I've sat and dreamt up so many different business possibilities, but all require money I don't have, to start them up. And I have no business qualifications and wouldn't even know where to begin.

If you have been out at work bringing home money as soon as you left school, then you're likely to be great if you start a business. You don't need qualifications.

Do you have a product or service that people want?
Can you evidence that they want it?
How many people want it?
How many people will you sell to?
How will you sell to them?

This is, fundamentally and very generally, all you need to start. Build a business plan out of these questions (download basic ones from the internet for free) - the plan is a working document for you to set the business up, not a form to fill in that looks nice. If you cannot answer every question, then you haven't thought it through enough.

As for funds to start, well, that's the stickler for all entrepreneurs that aren't born into money. Savings. Sell things. Pawn things. Move house. Sell the car. Cancel luxuries. Get a small loan. Ask friends and family to back you. All the usual stuff.

[IPokeBadgers]

Dauphinoise I am having similar experiences with regards to interviews, could have written your post. I just fall apart regardless of how well I've prepped. Just want you to know you are not alone in having these problems, and I am following the thread with interest.....thank you to everyone who has replied so far, lots of food for thought.